I was sitting on my front porch today when I saw two Mormons on their bikes going door to door. I got super excited because I actually had a plan for the next salesman to ever come to my door but Mormons was even better. I knew they would be at my house soon because they were doing literally every house on the street, so I ran inside and got everything ready. Sure enough about 10 minutes later there was a knock at my door. I came to the door and only stuck my head out I made it a point to not let them see in the house. They started in with their "do you know god" crap and I said "I've never been a church goer" and I was acting very sketchy and ski-dish. Then they said the magic words "can we come inside" I started looking around outside as if I was making sure no one was looking then I was like yea ok. I had just been to the halloween store like a week ago I had a white t-shit on with fake blood on it, they didn't notice the blood at first. They came inside and followed me into the kitchen then I guess one noticed cuz he goes "did you hurt yourself" (keep in mind I'm still acting really perinoid and weird) I said "no" in a what are you talking about kind of way. They both just stared at me for a minute. I asked them if they wanted something to drink they both said no. I was disappointed cuz I wanted them to say yes. Being the quick witted guy I am I went to the fridge anyway and said I was thirsty. I open the fridge and grabbed a gallon of water then backed away from the fridge to drink it leaving the fridge open cuz I had a plate with very realistic looking fingers and blood all over it in the fridge. I stood there for at least 2 minutes but neither one of them seemed to notice the fingers so that kinda sucked. Then I said you guys want to sit down? And they followed me to the living room. I said "here let me clear you a spot" I had 4 book about cannibalism laying on the couch and I just moved them over to where they were still laying next to where they were sitting. One of the books is called Eat Thy Neighbor: A History of Cannibalism I shit you not lol. Anyway they sat down and I noticed one of them looking at the book and he just had this look of shock in his face I pretended like I wasn't paying attention to them and the one who saw it was trying to get the other one to look at them. Then I sat down and I have a kind of higher sitting couch and I stuffed some towls in a garbage bag and them put a fake arm (it looks totally real) with blood on it sticking out of the bag and out from under the couch a little bit. I sat to where it looked like I was trying to hide it behind my legs and every now and then I would kind of push it back a little under the couch as if I thought they didn't notice. Then one asked me "is it just you who lives here" and I said "no my girlfriend lives here" He goes "oh ok is she here" I said "no shes at work... I mean she went to the store... she at work" Lol these guys are probably thinking Oh my God were dead. Then I swear those bastards are some faithful dudes they friggin sat there and went through there whole "God is great spill" I couldn't believe it! Then I said I was actually just going to make me something to eat before they got there and asked if they wanted something. I guess that was there que cuz they said "no thank you we have more houses we need to go to" as they were walking to the door I walked with them but way to close to them in their personal space like practicality stepping on them just staring at them. Then they walked out I could tell they were scared shitless lmfao. Sure enough about 5 minutes later the cops showed up at my house. One of them is a buddy of mine I told them what I did and we all just sat there laughing and talking about it for like an hour. I'm sure it's not the funniest thing you've ever heard you probably had to be there but I'm still laughing as I write this. I just wish I had though about video taping it.