J F. Christ man.... For your information, mates, despite all the pizzas and beer consumption I always brush, floss, and took superb care of my teeth. My pearlie whites are shinier than oiled ass cheeks. In fact, for the past 2 years I never suffered any tooth decay that even my dentist told me to keep it up. So just last night when I was flossing before getting to bed I notice there was a crack-like line at one of my molar tooth (the back tooth). So I decided to head to my dentist's office today. Boy, she was hot. I told her that my heart has a cavity that only she can fill. She facepalmed and told me to get to the chair. So I did. And I told her, "So are you gonna be on top?" She facepalmed again. So anyway, as she inspects my teeth she told me the bad news. "You have a cracked tooth syndrome". I was like, "Huh? What's that?" She explained to me in simple terms. To put it simply, it is like a fractured tooth that caused the crack. She told me the cause is usually from biting foods that are too hard. Then I recall, fuck, must be those Russian delicacies I had recently. It is those oily fish in vaccum-sealed packets. Boy are they delicious if you have it with beer or vodka. So fuck, seems that that tooth fell like Stalin's statue. Then she told me the other bad news. "You have a very hard clench. So your bite strength is tough." I told her yeah, of course, with all the retards I had to deal and I'm a dumb fuck magnet that seem to always attract dumb fucks... of course I am stressed most of the time, thus the strong bite force. "So yeah, you need a crown." I was like, "What? Am I knighted? A fucking King now? King of Nigeria?" She said a tooth crown. Filling is out of the question as she doesn't know how bad the crack is. And because of my bite strength, the filling would fail too sooner or later. So a crown. Then I told her, "Well... okay... why not." "Erm, but not the porcelain kind. Porcelain crowns are weak. And like I said, your bite strength is brutal and even the porcelain crown will fail sooner or later. So.... you need metal." WHAT? WHAT IS THIS? A ROLE PLAY FOR PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN? AM I JACK SPARROW AS YOU RIDE MY SHIP NOW? I contemplated over and over... she said she will proceed with the tooth trimming first. So as my tooth gets drilled over and over (which I should be drilling her and 'filling' her up) I think to myself.. fuck.. it's gonna be metal... fucking silver metal... it's gonna be hideous... Then it's done. She put a temporary crown over and asked me what's my decision. I jokingly replied, "Jeez wheez... metal... damn... what about gold?" "Yes, that can do too. Why not? But it is pricey as gold prices are high now. In fact, gold crowns for back molars are good choices because gold crowns are proven to be strong and can last nearly a lifetime. That is why gold crowns were popular in dentistry in the past, before people start worrying about its anesthetics." Jesus lady... an absolute misfire thinking it was a joke but she replied seriously. So I asked the cost. "Probably about $2-3K. It really depends and I can't give you the exact quote. We had to submit the patty model of your tooth to the lab and they will analyze it. Once they analyze it they have to mix the composition of alloys like gold, platinum, and so forth. And they won't know till it is done. Could be lots of gold used, and could be less. It really depends. But usually it is $2-3K." Damn, I was thinking.. gold... it isn't about anesthetics now. It is about durability. And hey, if gold prices go up I will be smiling. And if gold prices drop, my teeth will drop. Then she tells me, "Also, there are gold fillings too. And you had a old crown near the upper right canine tooth, yes? If you want, you can even get a gold crown for that." Fuck, is this lady trying to upsell me like Internet Marketing gurus or what. I told her, "Nah, only the back molars get the gold treatment." She chuckled. Then I told her, "And well, they're still well. IF there are any issues with them in future, I will get them a new crown. But still porcelain of course." She agreed and backed my idea. So yeah... PizzaButt is gonna get a gold crown. Not because PizzaButt is trying to be cool by emulating rapper's or African-American gangsters. Rather, due to its strength and lifetime membership like FollowLiker's life-time license (just hope there won't be a monthly maintenance for my case). Thank you for reading. You probably wasted 5 minutes of your life reading this. If you chuckled like the dentist, then awesome! Now go order a pizza.