Them: Hello, my name is ____ from SEO _____ and the reason I'm calling is to inform you of a canonical name error on your website. Me: Okay, what is that error. Them: Sir, you have 3 versions of your home page, causing your page rank to be split into thirds. Me: Explain further. Them: See, you have your main domain, a file called index.html and a file called index.htm all sharing your main page rank. Me: The main domain, by itself, simply loads the index.html file. And index.htm auto-forwards to index.html. Them: I disagree sir. I do this for a living and Google sees them all as three unique pages. You have split your site's power into thirds. Me: Okay, let me check....okay, when I enter the domain itself, or go to the index.htm, or index.html, they all have the same page rank and the exact same backlink count. Looks like the search engines see them all as the same page. Them: Long pause. Hmm. You must have configured something on the back end. Can I explain to you the many on-page errors you have that are keeping you off Google's first page? Me: I'm already on page 1 for the keywords I want. You're pretending to be my friend so you can dump some overpriced SEO services on me once I trust you. Them: Oh no sir. We don't "dump" services on our customers. We've helped thousands of small businesses just like you. Our customers love us. Me: No they don't. You're taking advantage of their ignorance by throwing around terms like "canonical errors" and "on-page optimization." They pay you thousands for on page adjustments that take five minutes then go to sleep for the rest of their "service contract" as they get no results. You're stealing money from hard working people and they don't trust any Internet marketing company once they've been burned by you. You're fucking the whole thing up... Them: This conversation is over. I don't appreciate your condescending accusations. You know NOTHING about what you're talking about. Goodbye. Me: Have a great day in the boiler room.