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Reviews: How to convince someone you're an idiot?

Discussion in 'Black Hat SEO' started by brainburn, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. brainburn

    brainburn Newbie

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    So, I've been personally trained by an experienced and successful sniper site guru to reliably rank sites as quickly as possible... I know all the technical details, but I've had a more than minor set-back.

    I can't bullshit reviews.

    Regardless of whether I can find someone to write for this purpose better than I can, I don't have the money to test several writers for the exact sort of bullshit I need written.

    I only know how write in a way that persuades intelligent people.

    I can't unravel the mind of the fucking idiot who would be tricked by my sniper site.

    It's just so incomprehensible to me that any conscious person could be convinced by such a clear scam that my mind fails to understand how to create it.

    I can't seem to write a review that convinces the random clicker that I'm just as fucking dumb as they are for trusting it. I can't review any product in a way that doesn't expose a clearly evident attempt to dupe them into converting, even if they don't know what that is. My writing doesn't pass the sniff test for large chunks of my target audience because I can't bring myself to their border-line retarded and mentally challenged level.

    It has the flow and quirks of someone who is aware of more than what they want the reader to know. Someone they can sense calculates the attempt to persuade and hides it.

    I don't know how to wrap my mind around this. Any suggestions?

    (If you think you can do this for me, you can PM with some samples and I might buy 2 or 3 500 word articles...)
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2012
  2. forwardedlandlines

    forwardedlandlines Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Haha I liked the read. I think I may have some ideas. Try to feel honesty and also some less positive aspects. Feel them. And express them with full honesty. Rather than being desperate at conversions... You're like trying very hard to convince your girlfriend that you're not desperate.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2012
  3. steelballs

    steelballs BANNED BANNED

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    I took in the gist of words - and my mind went back to the the 13 years I worked with a Fortune 100 Computer giant - Their philosophy never worry about the competition know and understand their strengths and weaknesses but always turn a negative into a positive to benefit our business!

    When you work in a negative way if you dwell there - you become negative too!

    Why must you have bullshit reviews!
     
  4. Amsterdammer

    Amsterdammer Power Member

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    I never understood Nigerian scams either, yet they work well enough it seems.
    You would be surprised what people will do. Especially those who think they are smart.

    Having said that, I don't see scamming as a valid business plan.
    In an effort to make a dime you lose 20 bucks in my opinion.
     
  5. flc735

    flc735 Regular Member

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    i had this problem a few weeks ago and i am terrible at writing. i solved it when i decided to try writing it as mary, the 35 year old wife with 2 kids. for some reason, this made it easy.
     
  6. brainburn

    brainburn Newbie

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    Because the fastest, easiest, and most profitable method concerning sniper sites involve selling very popular products I can't bring myself to actually care about.

    Kitchen shit. Beauty. General gimmick products. TV hyped shit....

    There's a huge market and it's filled with simpletons.

    I need bullshit reviews because the easiest way to make money quickly with sniper sites is to sell bullshit.
     
  7. brainburn

    brainburn Newbie

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    lol.

    Yea, I've been working on developing the idiot inside me... but, it's a bit more difficult than is worth my time, it often seems.

    I don't see myself as gifted with ignorance as many of those who surround me are.
     
  8. dichotom

    dichotom Elite Member

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    I get where you are coming from (I used to be unable to fathom people actually doing the things that make me money now like CPA offers for a stupid video and BS like that) but as he said above, just pretend like you are someone else. Being a teenage girl in my head puts me in the mindset to do that kind of copy. Just think of someone you know in real life that is truly and idiot and be them. Works for me every time. :D
     
  9. imperial109

    imperial109 Regular Member

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    Some people say to be successful, you should copy the successful.

    Do the same for reviews. Find a retarded one and just change the wording to match the product/service that you're targeting.
     
  10. Amsterdammer

    Amsterdammer Power Member

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    Just for fun, can't you do it a bit like this? :

    Hi friend, welcome to my site.
    Just by coming here you show to be smart as you have found this SECRET website.

    There are a lot of websites just like mine but THEY ARE SCAMMERS!
    We, (website), are so frustrated about this we founded this website to fight them.

    As a way of getting even, we offer you this wonderful product AT COST with NO PROFITS AT ALL !!

    Our software really does DOWNLOAD THE COMPLETE INTERNET!!!
    DO NOT TRUST SCAMMERS! TRUST US!

    (PRODUCT) REALLY DOES WORK!

    Okay, but how do I work with (sofware) you ask?
    Very simple: after we received your payment you will be sent a code by email. Please make sure you register (software) to your real email with you real information, this is a very important because you do not want to lose our code and we need to have your real information for you to retrieve a new code FOR FREE if you ever lose it.

    Install (software) and put in the code when asked.

    Select a place to store THE COMPLETE INTERNET. (Desktop will be fine)

    Press start!

    Very simple and you do not need to be a computer expert like us.
    YOU CAN BENEFIT FROM OUR KNOWLEDGE!!

    IF YOU BUY NOW WE WILL GIVE LIFETIME UPDATES FOR LIFE!

    This means you will have THE FULL INTERNET WITH FREE UPDATES!

    Some ignorant people will say you cannot download the internet but they are fools!
    We have A SECRET METHOD THAT WORKS!

    We do not advertise much because GOOGLE likes to keep the internet all for itself.
    They do not want you to know YOU CAN DOWNLOAD THE INTERNET WITH OUR SOFTWARE. TRIED AND PROVEN!

    Have a look at these testimonials:
    (testimonials thanking you for your secret program)

    JOIN NOW and SAFE MONEY!

    Regular price is $500 but FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY we will sell it for $100 !

    Don't trust scammers that just want your money, trust us as WE CARE ABOUT YOU!

    Don't spend THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS on products that do not work!

    BUY (software) TODAY AND NEVER GO WITHOUT THE INTERNET AGAIN AS YOU HAVE IT ON YOUR COMPUTER WITH FREE UPDATES FOR LIFE!

    BUY NOW!



    =============
    The above is just a quick setup of course. :D
    Notice how some things that are quite impossible are displayed?

    Ignore as you see fit. :)
     
  11. daveguy

    daveguy Power Member

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    "st think of someone you know in real life that is truly and idiot"

    That's what I do. Before writing your review write a 1 paragraph persona of the person you want to be writing it.

    Ex,

    I am John. I havn't held a job for longer than a month in the last 5 years. I quit everything I start and I live with my parents. I watch football and sportscenter 30+ hours a week and I read / watch celebrities because I want to live my life through them. blahblah
     
  12. mark27

    mark27 Regular Member

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    Start watching infomercials that are on late at night/early morning, 2am-4am. Then you just copy exactly what they do. If you have even 1/4 of a brain they're all so stupid, but somehow they work on stupid people.

    My favorite is Peter Popoff and his miracle spring water. Google it, I don't want to link to that scam.
     
  13. partymarty4870

    partymarty4870 Elite Member

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    I come from a land downunder
    just do it when drunk