rauza
Regular Member
- Mar 13, 2014
- 409
- 588
Quick rant with no spell check or anything, just something I want to get off my chest because I see it with all the guys around me.
When I was in a relationship that ended last year, I allowed my partner to do just about anything. Even if it meant seeing guys obviously hitting on her and coming off as friends inviting her to come to their party, etc.
Lots of my friends at the time told me I should "control" my girl because I would let her do legitimately anything, even if it's guys I know who like her involved inviting her to places. But I find this so damn stupid, lol.
What's the point of a relationship if it doesn't have that foundational trust? Why do I have to go out of my way to "control" my girl?
If she loves me, or respects the boundaries of our relationship, then she's a grown ass woman who can make her own decisions. She SHOULD be able to see other guys / other people - not all of them are looking to get in her pants just because she's a girl unless you have the immaturity and hormones of a kid discovering masturbation for the first time.
Lots of people tell me "nah ur crazy, u gotta control ur girl. cuz then some dude will take her". Blows my mind on the sort of desperation that comes off as.
A popular saying goes that a girl can get what she wants and a guy can get what he can. Jesus, that's actually sad some girls will laughably acknowledge the truth of that statement and how guys will admit to the validity of that statement being true. But in terms of the landscape of dating life and romantic relationships, that is where the world has gone. The thing is, this has only been true because guys get more and more desperate for connection due to the current landscape and the law of averages of all these dudes doing the same act of needy desperation only feed in to that very philosophy. That's why you get people that say shit like "man, you gotta own your woman. control her".
Why the heck would you want to be in a relationship in the mentality that "that dude can take her" - I have to show and keep her to myself.
Idk man, some dudes say that from the source of "man, i got this nice girl, i cant let her go" and lose all forms of logic on what having a proper connection with someone is cuz they just want their dick sucked. I mean, u can do that if u have no plans on actually being with the girl long-term. But otherwise, dude, you're just making us all guys look bad.
Real-Life example:
I remember my ex got a little weirded out by the fact that one time some dude at the club was hitting on her and afterwards came up to me and said "Dude you're supposed to be the man in the relationship and tell these dudes to back off - do you not care?"
Me: Okay but like WHY? LOL. Can you not do that yourself?
Her: "I don't want to be mean or blow them off".
Me: Okay well you said you have a bf but they continue to hit on you, I think they deserved to be blown off cuz they're not exactly the best of character anyways?
Her: "Idk, you should have my back"
Er, you're a full grown mature adult, and you say you love me, you'll back yourself out honey - it ain't hard. This isn't a teen drama
VARIABLESSSSSS, don't be a prick either - be a gentleman:
If its a situation with a guy being really handsy and she looks uncomfortable, and its clear that she's telling him to back off, then at that point - yes. you should have her back but if it's a casual flirt, she should be able to handle herself. So the argument comes in that as a woman, some of them are scared in that situation to speak out. Well yes, this is true and that's why it's important to understand how timid your woman is. If you've seen her reject guys that aren't her type blatantly, while welcoming guys that are her type to a casual flirt, then she should be able to also tell the guys that are her type that "I have a bf, sorry."
TL;DR: Don't be a simp and understand that it takes more than just one person in a relationship to preserve the integrity of the relationship.
/rantover
And please.. I welcome any arguments to what I have said - I enjoy getting proven wrong so that I can improve. I may be completely off base and I want to learn and be a better version of myself when dealing with people/relationships moving forward. Also I just kind of spat all this bs quickly on my second monitor slightly procrastinating from work because it kept nudging at me because a bunch of my friends ask me the dumbest shit that gets me going so instead of yelling at them, the lounge was my first go-to lol.
When I was in a relationship that ended last year, I allowed my partner to do just about anything. Even if it meant seeing guys obviously hitting on her and coming off as friends inviting her to come to their party, etc.
Lots of my friends at the time told me I should "control" my girl because I would let her do legitimately anything, even if it's guys I know who like her involved inviting her to places. But I find this so damn stupid, lol.
What's the point of a relationship if it doesn't have that foundational trust? Why do I have to go out of my way to "control" my girl?
If she loves me, or respects the boundaries of our relationship, then she's a grown ass woman who can make her own decisions. She SHOULD be able to see other guys / other people - not all of them are looking to get in her pants just because she's a girl unless you have the immaturity and hormones of a kid discovering masturbation for the first time.
Lots of people tell me "nah ur crazy, u gotta control ur girl. cuz then some dude will take her". Blows my mind on the sort of desperation that comes off as.
A popular saying goes that a girl can get what she wants and a guy can get what he can. Jesus, that's actually sad some girls will laughably acknowledge the truth of that statement and how guys will admit to the validity of that statement being true. But in terms of the landscape of dating life and romantic relationships, that is where the world has gone. The thing is, this has only been true because guys get more and more desperate for connection due to the current landscape and the law of averages of all these dudes doing the same act of needy desperation only feed in to that very philosophy. That's why you get people that say shit like "man, you gotta own your woman. control her".
Why the heck would you want to be in a relationship in the mentality that "that dude can take her" - I have to show and keep her to myself.
Idk man, some dudes say that from the source of "man, i got this nice girl, i cant let her go" and lose all forms of logic on what having a proper connection with someone is cuz they just want their dick sucked. I mean, u can do that if u have no plans on actually being with the girl long-term. But otherwise, dude, you're just making us all guys look bad.
Real-Life example:
I remember my ex got a little weirded out by the fact that one time some dude at the club was hitting on her and afterwards came up to me and said "Dude you're supposed to be the man in the relationship and tell these dudes to back off - do you not care?"
Me: Okay but like WHY? LOL. Can you not do that yourself?
Her: "I don't want to be mean or blow them off".
Me: Okay well you said you have a bf but they continue to hit on you, I think they deserved to be blown off cuz they're not exactly the best of character anyways?
Her: "Idk, you should have my back"
Er, you're a full grown mature adult, and you say you love me, you'll back yourself out honey - it ain't hard. This isn't a teen drama
VARIABLESSSSSS, don't be a prick either - be a gentleman:
If its a situation with a guy being really handsy and she looks uncomfortable, and its clear that she's telling him to back off, then at that point - yes. you should have her back but if it's a casual flirt, she should be able to handle herself. So the argument comes in that as a woman, some of them are scared in that situation to speak out. Well yes, this is true and that's why it's important to understand how timid your woman is. If you've seen her reject guys that aren't her type blatantly, while welcoming guys that are her type to a casual flirt, then she should be able to also tell the guys that are her type that "I have a bf, sorry."
TL;DR: Don't be a simp and understand that it takes more than just one person in a relationship to preserve the integrity of the relationship.
/rantover
And please.. I welcome any arguments to what I have said - I enjoy getting proven wrong so that I can improve. I may be completely off base and I want to learn and be a better version of myself when dealing with people/relationships moving forward. Also I just kind of spat all this bs quickly on my second monitor slightly procrastinating from work because it kept nudging at me because a bunch of my friends ask me the dumbest shit that gets me going so instead of yelling at them, the lounge was my first go-to lol.
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