please someone adopt me

dear and respected bhw users, i know this is kind of embarrassing but can someone adopt me and teach me all the online money making ways,secrets, loopholes.

i am 16 years old and have utilized considerable amount of my time in researching for online money making ways,and till date i could only manage to make 30$ online.

i know there are lots of useful threads in bhw but they all make me more confused as for which one method to go for.

please if someone is thinking to have his or her online successor and can teach me ways to make money online,it would do great for a kid like me.

please make me your student, i will be your cute little obedient boy.

i know many would say 'what crap it is', but i can't find a better place to ask for guidance than blackhatworld where tons of genius minds get together.

please is there anyone who wants to help me out and want a student ,then please consider me.

i have seen many helping newbies here,and hope someone will become my guide too.

I think posting like this only works if you are a girl.

No, these begging & "teach me" threads are no longer allowed here.