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Please read my post and tell me how can I improve my writing

Discussion in 'Associated Content & Writing Articles' started by shanna_doll, Feb 9, 2013.

  1. shanna_doll

    shanna_doll Power Member

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    Hi,

    Here is one of the articles written by me (the guy on iwriter denied it).So I want to ask for advice how can I improve my writing because my style and vocabulary is pretty much same in every article:

    http://pastebin.com/RFWeWyaC

    I know that my sentences are sometimes too long so I'm re-learning to write shorter sentences. Other than that, I sometimes do make grammar mistakes, but still.. I can't figure out why the guy denied the article. Is it really that bad? Please honest reviews, tell me how bad writer am I. :p I somehow like writing. English isn't my first language but still.. I just like to babble around :D

    Currently on my list are:

    1. Write shorter sentences
    2. Improve using articles (a/the)
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2013
  2. Toples

    Toples Regular Member

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    i spoted over 20 mistakes, ur english sucks
    and im not native english speaker...
     
  3. Danny1111

    Danny1111 Elite Member

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    I read the first paragraph or bit more - one part was brutal to read

    article writing may just not be your thing.
     
  4. Duffers5000

    Duffers5000 Elite Member

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    Hey Shanna, Its not terrible but its second/third tier stuff. You can write good english sentences that are clearly intelligible but it reads clunky and looks like a thesaurus has been employed.

    Maybe the biggest problem is it looks like its being dragged out to get the word count up. So take your first paragraph.

    When it comes to online presence, you'll always want that your website is in reach of the eyes of the potential customers. One of popular ways to increase your presence on the Internet is SEO - Search Engine Optimization. SEO matters and every small or big business owner should opt for an SEO campaign to eventually drive more traffic to their business websites. Such campaigns are offered by SEO experts in whose offices are links built all the day. Or at least, it's expected to be so.

    If I was writing this for tier one it would read thus:

    "When it comes to an online presense, you will want your website to be visible. One of the best ways to be more visible is SEO or Search Engine Optimization. SEO matters and businesses big or small should be looking to drive more visitors to their site. You will find these services offered by SEO professionals who build links and drive traffic daily.

    So trim off some fat and try and make your copy fall off the tongue, but decent job you are not far off cracking it.
     
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  5. Adore

    Adore Newbie

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    Why would you hand something like that in? I understand English is your second language. Maybe writing in English isn't for you.
     
  6. michael8t6

    michael8t6 Regular Member

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    Just had a quick read of it and your general grammar isn't to bad! Mine's far from perfect as well and I'm in the UK ;) But the pronunciation of your sentences are far from perfect. It's what I like to call "broken English" Couple of examples for you from your article:

    When it comes to online presence, you'll always want that your website is in reach of the eyes of the potential customers.

    should be like:

    when it comes to online presence, you'll always want your website to be in the eyes of potential customers.

    end of paragraph one:

    Such campaigns are offered by SEO experts in whose offices are links built all the day.

    sounds better as:

    Such campaigns are often run by SEO experts (often referred to a webmasters) whom will build your sites back-links and perfect your onsite SEO. These methods are vital to help you rank in search engines.


    Spend time reading English written books and check your sentences against them ;) hope that helps ;)
     
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  7. shanna_doll

    shanna_doll Power Member

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    I have re-read the article many times. I DO know that I can write decent English sentences. I just want to improve it so I can write normal and clean sentences. It's not like - do I want to improve it. I have to anyways, article writing is one of easier ways to earn money online and btw I need some start-up cash. Duffers, you are right, I need to trim sentences off. Great advice, I bookmarked it to read it again later.. thanks.
    Edit: Thanks Michael as well.
    I have noticed that i use a lot of "that"
    If I have been made a website with "that" as my primary keyword, I'd rank it #1

    I sometimes use longer sentences to easily achieve word count. I also try to sound friendly and write something funny. (As the outcome, I get a mess. )But still that's not excuse, I must learn to construct sentences properly. My English isn't even that bad since I have never had a chance to learn it in school.
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2013
  8. pnvhq

    pnvhq Junior Member

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    Native English speaker here. It seems like you have a decent grasp of vocabulary, but your grammar looks like it needs a lot of work. On top of that I'd note two other things. First is that an article/post needs to be cohesive. The jump between your first and second paragraph was jarring, and the fact that you led with "What I want to say" made it all the more confusing, because it implied that the content of the second paragraph had already been alluded to in the first. My second concern is stylistic. I would say that unless your client requests otherwise, your writing should be reasonably professional in style. Using "C'mon" as a standalone sentence is a great example of how not to have your work read professionally.

    Other concerns like removing excess fluff and learning how to use articles (a/an/the) have already been addressed. As Duffers5000 pointed out, sometimes it looks like you've used a thesaurus without really understanding the proper usage of a term. Even if the usage isn't explicitly wrong, it's best to stick to convention, because you want everything to read naturally.

    Hopefully these points were helpful.
     
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  9. Panther28

    Panther28 Elite Member

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    When your writing organise the headings first, which gives you the structure of the article.
    (1 min)

    Then brainstorm sentences into each of the headings, meaning anything you remotely know about the subject, for that heading. Jump between the headings if need be. Your just looking for sentences, no structuring yet. (5 mins)

    Go find some info online to beef up each of the headings. (10 mins)

    Copy and paste them into your article, and re-write them from looking at them. (10 mins)

    Tidy the whole lot up, and proof read it for corrections. (5 mins)

    Then write 3 headings, and pick the best one. (2 mins)

    Using this method will help you concentrate on the sentence readability, which will automatically take care of the article readability.
     
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  10. shanna_doll

    shanna_doll Power Member

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    pnvhq, true. "What I want to say" was just miserable. C'mon is supposed to be a friendly "touch" heh. I don't think the requester was too picky, he didn't mention style. A nice, readable article is the way to go and everyone will accept it. I have 3.9 rating score on the iWriter. But I want to improve my english badly :) On a side note, I didn't use thesaurus to find words, but it seems I shouldn't use phrases I don't know properly combine with other words in the sentence.
     
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2013
  11. shanna_doll

    shanna_doll Power Member

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    Thanks Panther, from the now on, I'll try to replicate sentences written by others. I usually don't re-write articles. The article I shared in the first post is written by me without any tools/sites/resources. I have just wrote it without thinking too much about structure and headings. I'll try your method ! Thanks again.
     
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  12. SkyrocketSEO

    SkyrocketSEO Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Just becuse of this sentence I would reject your article, not to mention anything else.
     
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  13. SkyrocketSEO

    SkyrocketSEO Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    And the last paragraph is just ....well, crap
     
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  14. shanna_doll

    shanna_doll Power Member

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    Well that's not my best article ever. I deliberately posted probably my worst article to get some advices. Sometimes I can write exceptionally good but that requires a lot of corrections and usually it take me an hour or so to write an article. This one I have wrote in 15 minutes. Btw, thanks for the feedback. The article is crap, no doubt. Especially the sentence you quoted.
     
  15. boottothehead

    boottothehead Newbie

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    While for some article writing may be one of the easier ways to make money with Internet Marketing, for many others that statement just isn't true.

    Listening to a non-native English speaker and reading what they write are often worlds apart. The difference is that non-native English speakers often speak with an accent.

    Unless the accent is unusually heavy, listening to someone speak English with an accent can be enjoyable for many. The listener is able to tune their ear to that accent and can normally understand the message being delivered.

    No such audible accent exists in the written word. What could very well be a charming and warm flow of information from someone with an accent can quickly turn into a train wreck when those words are written and not spoken.

    Your English might not be that bad and you do seem to get your point across in your writing with some effort on the reader's part. The problem is that if it doesn't flow smoothly nobody will read more than a few lines before giving up. Besides the fact that people are lazy, they also have no desire to read broken sentences and fill in missing words when there are so many other sources of information on the web.

    You'll either want to choose a different area of IM to work in, spend lots of time editing your copy so that it flows smoothly or invest in some English classes. You'll be successful in IM if you want to be, it may just take some additional effort in some areas. It doesn't have to be perfect but it does have to be good or it won't be read.

    Good luck

    Boot
     
  16. NProductions

    NProductions Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    see 3rd last paragraph .. there is spelling mistake :)
     
  17. codexehow

    codexehow Power Member

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    It's pretty bad, I'm afraid. You're obviously a non-English speaker. Nothing wrong with that, but you won't be able to sell your writing for very much unless you grasp English at least as well as a native speaker.
     
  18. BlindFire

    BlindFire Newbie

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    Practise makes perfect :, it's not bad though
     
  19. BrianKade001

    BrianKade001 BANNED BANNED

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    I humbly request you to please go through this comment again and find out a plethora of grammatical mistakes that you have committed. You need to work on your punctuation and sentence structure.

    PS: Stop selling in your signature. It's not allowed to sell outside the BST. You may get an infraction or a temporary ban if a mod happens to see it.


     
  20. actnews

    actnews Registered Member

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    verify your grammar with online tools like reverso