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Need reviews on my salespage layout/design/content

Discussion in 'White Hat SEO' started by ty180sx, Dec 18, 2007.

  1. ty180sx

    ty180sx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Not sure where should i post this.
    so here goes.

    Hit me with your comments and critic, on the layout/design/content
    My target audience are not blackhatters,
    more too blackhatters wannabe, like me! :p

    Salespage
    hxxp://www.stumbleup*nblac*khat.com
     
  2. ty180sx

    ty180sx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    hum.. ok....
    hype
     
  3. Zso

    Zso BANNED BANNED

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    I like your header and your ebook cover.
    Some suggestions: you should put up names and photos for the testimonials, it makes a big difference, and you should format your sales letter. I mean now its almost all of them bold letters, it's a little bit boring, MAKE them DIFFERENT. You Could Use Capital Letters In Some Sentences To Stress The Words.

    Did you outsourced the site or made it by yourself?
     
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  4. ty180sx

    ty180sx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Zso,
    thank you for your comment,
    i'll play around with text format tonight and some other changes,
    eg. separate bonus page, the current page too long.
    Ruck has made some comments too.

    made it myself. took me 2 nights,
    tonight is gonna be another night hahah
     
  5. flowth2k

    flowth2k Registered Member

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    May i give you a constructive critic?

    Dont give away bonuses that arent related with your product.

    Just stuffing your sales page with loads of free bonuses has been proved to be counter-effective.

    Make some videos instead, some audios, some free reports RELATED to your main product.

    Your sales will soar that way ( atleast that happens to me )
     
  6. ty180sx

    ty180sx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    wooT!
    just burnt the midnite oil again, since 10am-6am which is now and work is 2 more hours. i havent sleep! hahah

    anyway, thank you for your comments,
    i did some changes to the site,
    move all the bonus shites to another page so it wont cluster fuck my salespage,
    created a video using camtasia, use graphic bullets, set up an optin with autoresponder
    and some text changes and formatting,
    tell me how it looks ya!

    now im gonna drink my milk and sleep :)
     
  7. HaRRo

    HaRRo Elite Member

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    Since im honest with everything. Here goes
    Everything could be a more smoother layout, something more blackhat, instead of the usual sales page look, give more pages on what EXACTLY it does, i read your text STUMBLES AUTOMATICALLY, then i watched your video where i seen you (or what it looked like) pasted in the urls, and clicked the stumble button, didnt look automatic to me, so that would put me off buying the product straight away.

    Its like your text says something and your video sort of makes it look different.
     
  8. scubaslick

    scubaslick Regular Member

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    Just a quick few things here that I noted as I skimmed. You've got talent, no doubt. But you need to do a lot more work on this page:

    Header graphic is dull. No pizazz or pop.

    Paisley background makes me dizzy.

    Mountains of passive language "finally.... are revealed": by whom, why do I care? What's in it for me?

    Text block size isn't bad. At least you don't have massive walls of text for paragraphs.

    Language usage isn't bad but there are weird formatting choices, word selection, grammar, useless fragments, funky and unhelpful punctuation, widows and orphans. Hard to read.

    Just one example:

    targeted has only one T and I think you mean "your" blogs or websites

    Single column, straight gutter edges, with very little white space above the fold. No graphics to break the lines, guide the eyes. No sidebar or subheads for the skimmers.

    This is old hat stuff. It's been done a million times. Unfortunately anyone who knows what "blackhat" means has probably seen this type of sales page a million times and you're going to need copywriting stronger than a fat chick trying to get at a chicken wing to keep even a relatively new blackhatter occupied... much less willing to buy.

    Too short. Not nearly enough detail. Keep in mind there are multiple types of readers. Two of them are skimmers and word for worders. The first wants bullet points, graphics, blurbs and asides. The second wants EVERY question and objection handled. There are others, but you haven't really accomodated any of them here.

    It feels very much like you got tired and gave up. I don't blame you; I've been there actually. But that's when the money is made. 18 hours AFTER you felt like giving up. That's when lightning strikes and you "get it" and the flow happens. It sucks, but that's the way it happens sometimes.

    What are my specifics? What exactly does this product do?

    No names, pictures etc for testimonials. Yeah, I get it your customers are SATISFIED.

    What is your OTO? It doesn't tell me why I should hurry just that I have to. Lame.

    Why is your call to action left justified under a giant book graphic and so small?

    Why link to your bonus package instead of including it here on the page? You're asking your reader to move on and potentially wait for another page to load. You risk losing them completely if the bonuses don't kick ass.

    Who the fuck is "tyler" and why should I buy from him/her? Where's the story of "tyler?" Why should I care? Why should I believe tyler? What was his/her personal experience? What's my guarantee that this works?

    Basically, this is a good start but it needs a lot of work, tender love and care, pizazz.

    The good news is, you have talent. You just need to spend more time and put the fundamentals in place. A good long copy sales letter is the product of days and days of studying your product, years of studying your craft and potentially weeks of creating your actual copy and lay out. 2 days isn't chicken feed, but keep in mind you have a LOT more work to do to get this perfect. Even perfect will only convert a fraction of the people. Less than perfect might convert no one.

    Who are you studying for your copywriting? Do you have swipe files etc?

    Let me know if you need some more guidance and I'll put up a post about copy writing with more detail.

    -scuba
     
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  9. ty180sx

    ty180sx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Harro/ Scuba,
    appreciate your time to review this,

    i will take note of the points made, go back read and read and read again and try to improve on the weak areas.

    as for resource for copywriting, i learning by reading other sales page and reviews from here.
    The product it an ebook. info product.
    do you think the price is to high ?

    back when i was selling a (slimmer version ) of the book for $10, i made quite a few sales from forums.

    name and photos, i personally left out due to the nature of the product, against SU tos.
    should i just dump a fake 1 in?

    video>> need to brainstorm what i can show, without showing the actual technique, anyway a season veteran should be able to "catch" the technique used.

    now who told me this shite was ezy?! lol

    there are some conflicting comments from other members made on certain aspect of the page, not wanting to turn this into a debate, i won't put my opinion out.

    Scuba, you can pm me or post some material that will help to improve this.
    :)

    thanks guys
     
  10. scubaslick

    scubaslick Regular Member

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    Rule #1: Test everything, especially price. It's THE EASIEST metric to test on your page since you really only have to change a couple of digits.

    Obviously, there's really more to it than that, but... what the hell. Try it at this price on 500 clicks, then double the price and try that on 500 more. Whichever makes more, keep it. Sometimes a higher price convinces people that they lose more if the DONT buy it. It just depends on the market and the moment. If you release pre-xmas for example, a lower price might convert better because people are spending themselves thin for gifts, but not really thinking too much about paying for their sprees.

    After christmas, they need to pay off the credit cards and might be more desperate.

    Test it to find out.




    Let me give away all the learnin' you'll ever need.

    hxxp://w3.makepe*aceto*talpa*ckage(dot)c*om

    replace the x's with t's, the 3 with two w's and delete the *s and make (dot) a real dot.

    If you read EVERYTHING available on this site (and it will probably take you a couple of weeks at minimum, but its worth every hour) and don't improve your copy writing by 10,000% you have a tumor in your brain and need an MRI.

    In fact, I've never seen this site mentioned here. I'm going to make a post about it in... hell I don't know. Some section.

    This is hands down the most complete and authoritative resource on the art and science of writing sales copy on the planet. And I would know. I worked my ass off to find it.

    Enjoy.

    My gift to you.

    -scuba
     
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  11. AboutBizz

    AboutBizz Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I like the sugeestions mentioned earlier...yet this one is missing and if not addressed could cost your THOUSANDS of dollars and potential huge legal problems. IN FACT I would change this before I do anything else here.

    Stumble*upon is owned by our pricky friends at eB*y. Their legal department will chew you up if you don't add something of a disclaimer along these lines...

    "Stumbleup*nblac*khat.com is in no way associated with Stumble*Upon, which is © 2007 Stumble**Upon.com. No endorsement by Stumble*Upon is implied in anyway. The author or publisher assumes no liability or responsibility for any person who suffers any loss or damage related directly or indirectly from the content of this blog and website."
     
  12. ty180sx

    ty180sx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    thanks for sharing that method, and the page
    merry xmas!
     
  13. ty180sx

    ty180sx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    opps... accidentally removed while editing the page, thx
     
  14. gyaseen1986

    gyaseen1986 BANNED BANNED

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    your link not working brother
     
  15. MaximumAchievement

    MaximumAchievement Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    I agree with your comments.Take care about correct niche.
     
  16. ComRade667

    ComRade667 Regular Member

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    lol, you are digging deep, can you find some more threads from 2007, 2006 .......;)