Last period I was thinking about opening this kind of a journey and today I decided to do it because i'm keeping gambling and destroying my life every fu*king day. Hope this will help me and i really appreciate your opinions. Recap: I'm tired of this shit, I have very big addiction and simple I can't stop with it. Gambling is practically destroying my life. My dad was a gambler, he lost our house and he got huge and a lot of loans ( I'm not sure if he will be able to pay it back in his entire life). I have very bad childhood because of that, my dad was loosing all the money and he was very bad, that's the reason why my parents got divorced. Gambling is the reason why I had bad childhood. Few years ago, when I was earning a lot of money I started to going to casinos and there I lost a lot of money. I stopped to work hard with IM and all earned money i losted with gambling. Then I stopped to have passive income from IM, I take a risk and I got about $2000 loan so I can invest in graphic cards and start mining ethereum and other crypto-coins. When I got that money big part of the money I lost in casinos. Then i had about 2 years problems to give back that money and have big monthly fees. Tired of the loans I decided to go in Germany and work as a cleaner for 3 months so I can get out of that sh*t and be debt-free. Working in Germany as a cleaner was hell for me, every day when i wake up I told to myself ''You deserve this, you was stupid, how you can use to gamble and keep losing the money, you piece of sh*t``. Every day there I was thinking about it and i could't believe how stupid I use to be, I told deeply in me that I'm never gonna do that again. After i got back to my city (Octomber, 2 months ago) I got finally debt-free and I didn't played for 1 week, then i decided to spend $1 for fun and after that i lost more than $500 in few days. Now, everyday I'm keeping gambling, that's stronger than me and I can't control myself, no matter how much money I have in my pocket I'm ending spending them all. This is making me very big panic and depression to me, I was crying and punch myself thousands times when I lost money and keep promising that I will never gonna do it again but... I have very bad feeling because that money will help a lot to my mother or father for buying food, they need help, but i'm lost all that money in the fu*king SLOT machines. I hate myself because sometimes I'm not going to enjoy and take my girlfriend to dinner or do some stuff like that which is just few $$ but i'm keeping losing big amount of money. I don't really know how to escape from this... I was thinking that I could invest all that money in something smart and things like that, I was reading a lot of bad things about gambling, I was watching hundreds of documentary about gambling addiction but nothing till now helped me. Despite all the things I knew about it, that gambling gonna destroy my life and all that things I still keep going and play. No matter if i have $10, $50, $100, $500 in my pocket i'm ending spending them all. Really thousands and thousands of times I keep doing the same so I'm not sure what to write. I know quitting with gambling will be very hard for me, I know that again maybe I will gamble but I hope I will escape from this and this thread will help me for it. Progress: Day 1 (Today): $40 (lost) I will probably update this thread once a week, or if I lose any money I will give updates immediately. I will close this thread when I haven't played and gamble for 2 months in a row. If you got any question or tips about this, please let me know, I look forward to hearing form you!