My first venture into ebooks

Gurus masters, this is my first attempt at an ebook, here is what I have for the opening for the landing page, I am looking for input and constructive criticism, I should have it up in the next 2 - 5 days, and depending on how profitable it is, there will be a lot of money to be made($97 - $1099 per sale for aff which I am only going to offer to BHW for the first few months), please let me know what you think:

Things started when one of my clients told me about craigslist personals, I have been a dating coach for the last 4 years, and I was amazed at what people were doing on the internet.

Why?

Because I have always done real life dating and pick up coaching and saw the possiblities with the right methods from the real world, could become a whole new method of pickup.

And I have to say... it has been a crazy few years, my client who introduced me to craigslist and I decided to have a little experient... To perfect the greatest set of steps to picking up girls online... When we first started, we sent out 100 different responses, and we got a losy 10 replies.

And I have to be honest with you... I've tutored 100s of clients in the past 5 years, even some B list celebrities. I am an average guy, actually before I got into the world of pickup, I was less than average, I was a 19 year old virgin, pimples, unkempt look, glasses, your average computer geek.. UNTIL...

I decided to study everything I could find on women, from bars, books, social encounters. Completely change my look, I started going to the gym 2 times a week, worked on picking up women. Everytime I saw a woman I was attracted to, no matter how scared or unattractive I felt, I went up to her, literally 1000s of girls, and I had a dismail rate, I got maybe 3 numbers out of the first 250 girls, yes I did keep count that was how geeky I was!

Over the next year things really went crazy for me, I started not caring about women, I was what they call an ALPHA male at that point, I started getting girls APPROACING ME! Giving me their number!

I PROMISE YOU IF YOU KEEP READING YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

I went girl crazy, I was like a fat little german kid in a chocolate shop! I was still in school, but going on three dates a day. One at lunch, one right after school, and then one each night. Within months I had filled my phone book on my Nokia phone(okay okay, back then I could only fit 250 people on my cell phone), but that was 247 more people than I had ever had in my cell phone EVER!

My friends started noticing, then everybody started noticing. After 6 months I was walking past every nightclub line, getting free drinks, and always seemed to have at least 2 women hanging off my every word. My friend, who I will call Kyle was in the same boat before I went through this self discovery, wanted what I had. I explained to him that it was not easy.

Kyle, had an IQ of 148, had breezed by everything which had seemed challenging to everyone else became my first client, but not for long. I asked him three questionso you like how your life is right now? How do you want to change it? And most importantly, are you prepared to do what it takes to change it?

Do you like your life? If not how would you change it if you had the tools? Are you prepared to do what it takes to change it?

If you like your life just how it is, or if you arent prepared to do what it takes to change yourself and your life, this is not for you, close this page right now.

Exactly what are you trying to do with this post? I don't get it at all.

The only comment I can even muster is if you weren't getting dates in the beginning it was because....... 'Your F U G L Y. Yes your fugly.' Just kidding around. It is a good chant though.

The whole chant is bs of course, but it is the sales pitch for my ebook that I am releasing.

Yeah, it is bs. It was meant to be a joke. Don't take everything so seriously!

Anyway, I can't imagine a huge market for your e-book. Who is going to publicly admit they can't get a girl? If you can protect their identities, I think it could take off for you.

Actually I completely agree with justthinking's avatar... WTF exactly are you trying to achieve here.. first things first, I dont understand how this relates to blogging, secondly whom exactly are you pitching the idea to? as in seriously, what is your target market here? I understand that most probably your strategy is based on the game theory! But what exactly are you selling and how does the personals on craigslist fit into the picture! I dont want to know the content or your strategy, simply saying that the text says two things 1. Go to CL and do it for free and 2. Keep trying the more the no's you get the more the chances of yes's, and eventually you will get a hang of it. Actually the latter applies to sales and prospecting, any person remotely associated with direct-selling knows this.
You need to rewrite that completely, in my opinion!

edit: all my bs above refers to the sales pitch only!

justthinking said:

Yeah, it is bs. It was meant to be a joke. Don't take everything so seriously!

Anyway, I can't imagine a huge market for your e-book. Who is going to publicly admit they can't get a girl? If you can protect their identities, I think it could take off for you.

Click to expand...

Ha, alright, sometimes it is hard to separate sarcasm from real in the interweb. Yes, part of this is how to improve response rates, hide their identities, and get laid.

emgxxg said:

Actually I completely agree with justthinking's avatar... WTF exactly are you trying to achieve here.. first things first, I dont understand how this relates to blogging, secondly whom exactly are you pitching the idea to? as in seriously, what is your target market here? I understand that most probably your strategy is based on the game theory! But what exactly are you selling and how does the personals on craigslist fit into the picture! I dont want to know the content or your strategy, simply saying that the text says two things 1. Go to CL and do it for free and 2. Keep trying the more the no's you get the more the chances of yes's, and eventually you will get a hang of it. Actually the latter applies to sales and prospecting, any person remotely associated with direct-selling knows this.
You need to rewrite that completely, in my opinion!

edit: all my bs above refers to the sales pitch only!

Click to expand...

Without telling you the strategy, it leaves out 50% of the picture, but basically what I said in the last response, increase the response rate dramatically, while not revealing the person. a guy sending out 100 for a 2% response rate to a much higher percentage response.

freqout said:

Without telling you the strategy, it leaves out 50% of the picture, but basically what I said in the last response, increase the response rate dramatically, while not revealing the person. a guy sending out 100 for a 2% response rate to a much higher percentage response.

Click to expand...

Well honestly I get what you are trying to do here, but maybe an ebook is not the best/most profitable strategy that you can adopt, have you considered of maybe gathering a team of people and yourself running the campaigns for your subscribers on CL, you could charge more, it would be trackable, it would be recurring payments and the PLC would be significantly greater than an ebook. Which is so easy to get into the hands of every geek you are trying to target, all you need is one unsatisfied geek who takes a grudge to stop the PLC abruptly on you, if the product is an ebook.

Cheers!!

I get where you are going with this but you might consider being a little less wordy. You're sales pitch is a snoozer. Most people will stop reading before they finish. Good idea but remember people don't have very long attention spans. If they can't see what's in it for them after a couple of sentences, they will just move on.

The problem I see here is that 99% of the time you are always talking about YOU. And tt doesn't tell the reader what they are going to get from your ebook in a straight forward manner which could be a big problem because not everyone has a long attention span.

I think you should make a short and sweet landing page. Making your dating secrets almost seem free. Having them signup for your life changing "newsletter", and allowing them to move to more pages in your site witch you explain your long bs story to try and convert. On the landing page really inspire them to enter that damn valid email

Use some hooks more like this on the first page:

Find out the secrets that changed me from a 22 year old virgin, pimples, unkempt look, glasses, total computer geek. To a smooth woman seducing machine.

After learning these SECRETS it made getting women childs play!

I went from being a nervous wreck around women to being able to walk up to ANY attractive female and start a conversation, and this confidence came virtually OVER NIGHT!