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My First Sales Page! - Need honest opinion. Thank You

Discussion in 'Making Money' started by digitalphantom, May 22, 2009.

  1. digitalphantom

    digitalphantom Newbie

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    Occupation:
    Graphics Designer, IMer
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    Aljiro.com
    Home Page:
    Hi bhw friends. You may have seen my thread
    which pretty much sums up why im determined to make money online...

    Some have suggested me to steer away from the make money niche already but since I already bought my domain I might as well set something up. The result is my first ever sales page! :D Im happy. Now I need your honest opinion so please help me improve my skills. Please post here what you thought of my page and how well it can convert.

    Thank you in advance for your help. :)

    See my sales page at
    Regards,
     
  2. gimme4free

    gimme4free Executive VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Nice, clean design, not too sure why you have an earnings disclaimer on your site though as you do not say you earn XXXXX and all your affiliates have these on their pages. Maybe add a "Featured on CNN" or similar at the bottom instead to add some trust :)
     
  3. digitalphantom

    digitalphantom Newbie

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    Oh. putting no earnings disclaimer is ok? Thanks! :D Hehe trying to make sales. ;D still no traffic though. :(
     
  4. rebellord

    rebellord Registered Member

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    The niche is definately a bitch to break in and get started. I dont know how your promoting, but the sales letter is nice and clean. I hate 20000 line sales letters.

    Only think is nothing there builds any trust. Why do I want to listen to you instead of the 1,000,000 other similar sales pages. Who are you to be an expert? Logos also are a great seller as someone mentioned. You need some BS to build some expert authority. Or testimonials, although those are so overdone, I think they do work.
     
  5. digitalphantom

    digitalphantom Newbie

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    I've promoting via articles at ezinearticles... Yeah agreed the niche is not the best for me to start in but I just want to make my investment in the domain/hosting back. :)

    Ok I've learned the trust thing will work. Thank you for the suggestion! :D
     
  6. keith6andco

    keith6andco Regular Member

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    Occupation:
    today I am a bus driver - tomorrow? - Mr Filsaime!
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    Very nice start. Off the top of my head, one thing I would do, is get personal with my audience. Put a phot of you on the front page and an about me page up, why I am doing this blah blah blah (eg sick of seeing others getting ripped off, this is what worked for me etc). tie it into the contact us page and build viewer trust that way. The fact is that I would rather purchase of someone I could 'see; as it were, rather than a faceless ewebsite. Look at all the BIG names - they ALL do it - ewen chia, mike filsaime, frank kern, geremy glaison, nick marks etc etc. - GET personal - Brand your self and start up a REAL business online instead of a no name one night wonder type one

    hope this helps

    regards
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  7. blackhatjamie

    blackhatjamie BANNED BANNED

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    First, I would create a better headline then "Welcome to easy income informer" The headline is what its all about if the user is going to read on the rest of your sales pitch. You want to catch the audience as the headline is the first thing that they will see. Here is a good reference you can use on writing some sales copy...
    http://www.nmoa.org/sponsors/jsart/schult4.htm

    All total, you did a good job. Just got to tweak it up a bit and catch the visitors attention more. I visited your page and was wanting to leave after i read "are you ready to succeed? please read on" part.
     
  8. digitalphantom

    digitalphantom Newbie

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    You have handed me such great information. Thank you! Yeah I also don't like the welcome and are you ready to succeed part but I don't really know what to do. Thanks for the reference. :D With the getting personal I will integrate it into the page. :D Thanks!!!

    Have a blessed day!
     
  9. digitalphantom

    digitalphantom Newbie

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    I HAVE UPDATED MY SALES PAGE! :D Please take a look at
    I need new opinions on the new page. Thanks and good day! :D
     
  10. shabang

    shabang Registered Member

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    congrats on at least taking some action aljiro ;) I'm sure you'll see success if you keep taking action

    I would rewrite the first 3 small paragraphs that you have written as they have some small grammatical/punctuation errors.It can make a difference for sure.Hit me up with a PM and I'll show you how I would change those 3 paragraphs

    perhaps a 5 star rating sytem to get potential customers to opt for one of the products instead of playing all 3 as equal?? maybe--in fact you sort of have done that by numbering them but the stars may help too
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2009
  11. kleg

    kleg Registered Member

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    That picture on the staring back at me looks a little creepy. I guess the way you're head's pointing down and eyes are looking up. No offense, but I wouldn't trust you.
     
  12. tehonic

    tehonic Newbie

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    I've always thought good proper english is important on a sales page. "who have been having a hard time paying the fees and keeping up ". So if it helps you you might want to change it to "Who has been having a hard time". I'm Not sure how much it actually matters just trying to be helpful :). Oh and also! it looks really good. Good job!
     
  13. DrJekyll

    DrJekyll Senior Member Premium Member

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    I like the design, If I were to make a suggestion is I would include more on why someone would TRUST your sites. You stated that many are scams, but not really what you have done to insure the ones you have recommended are not scams.

    The design is nice, just work on your sales copy a bit and promote!!

    keep working
     
  14. bevardis

    bevardis Registered Member

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    Ajiro's face looks evil :?
     
  15. digitalphantom

    digitalphantom Newbie

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    Ok i get it i'm ugly. I destroyed my pic from my site to prevent further damage to your eyes. Sorry. :'( I will do my best to fix the paragraphs.
     
  16. bevardis

    bevardis Registered Member

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  17. DarkMagicianOfChaos

    DarkMagicianOfChaos Registered Member

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    Overall, it looks pretty good.

    I would agree on the headline suggestion.

    This is funny... because i saw the page after you took your pic down and was going to recommend you put your pic up!

    OK... now i don't know if i'm just being nitpicky.... but here's some things that I would do:

    1. It looks like that 1st ebook may have been made with web graphics creator... go in and change the background color to white. The grey background bothers me and i think it makes the page look cheaper.

    2. Take off the wording under each page that says "ebook"...whatever it says... or "ecover" or something like that.... The reason that you use ecovers is to give the appearance that your products are real to life... putting that they are ecovers simply is defeating the purpose (some what)

    3. Strengthen your guarantee... yes, it's nice that it says 100% guarantee... but for how long? 56 minutes? Make it seem like you will reject their money if this doesn't work... you don't even want their money if it doesn't work and that's how sure you are that what you have to offer them will work for them.

    4. Format the bullet points to allign left (under the 1st image)

    5. Make "WARNING" Bigger and Bolder

    6. Underneath the 1st 3 bullet points there's a line with red text... there's too much space underneath it.

    7. Maybe consider adding audio (not sure if you're english is good or not, but maybe you could get someone to help with that) or maybe even a video made with powerpoint slides and windows movie maker...

    8. How about some testimonials... I know you're just starting so you probably don't have any... so that leaves you 2 options as I see it... Do the black hat thing and fake em... or 2, use character testimonials. (Do you know anyone on here, or elsewhere, that could say that you're trustworthy, good to do business with, or provide excellent support etc...?)

    9. Maybe bold the titles of #1,2, and 3 to make them stand out a little more.

    So... those are some suggestions, take em or leave em'... Again, looks good overall. Hope it didn't seem like i was picking on you, just some constructive criticism. =)

    By the way, is that the WP salesletter template? Looks nice. =)

    DMOC
     
  18. DarkMagicianOfChaos

    DarkMagicianOfChaos Registered Member

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    lol... Dammit! Now I have to change my headline too!

    DMOC
     
  19. DarkMagicianOfChaos

    DarkMagicianOfChaos Registered Member

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    After going back into your page I decided to follow the link for the 1st product. I didn't realize that that was a clickbank product that wasn't yours...

    NEW SUGGESTION...

    FIND A DIFFERENT #1 PRODUCT. Ditch that product and find a new one. It looks cheap. It's in a software box, and while i guess it does have video.... it still looks cheap. you want things with nice graphics...

    Like take blackhatjamie's new twitter prodcut (www.GetMoreTwitters.com )... awesome graphics... makes me want to get it just for that, and I already have a ton of twitter software!

    DMOC
     
  20. av67976

    av67976 Registered Member

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    Your metatags are not good enough
    Code:
    <meta name="description" content="Easy Income Information" />
    <meta name="keywords" content="Easy Income Information" />
    Description should be different from keywords + add more relevant keywords