Gurus masters, this is my first attempt at an ebook, here is what I have for the opening for the landing page, I am looking for input and constructive criticism, I should have it up in the next 2 - 5 days, and depending on how profitable it is, there will be a lot of money to be made($97 - $1099 per sale for aff which I am only going to offer to BHW for the first few months), please let me know what you think: Things started when one of my clients told me about craigslist personals, I have been a dating coach for the last 4 years, and I was amazed at what people were doing on the internet. Why? Because I have always done real life dating and pick up coaching and saw the possiblities with the right methods from the real world, could become a whole new method of pickup. And I have to say... it has been a crazy few years, my client who introduced me to craigslist and I decided to have a little experient... To perfect the greatest set of steps to picking up girls online... When we first started, we sent out 100 different responses, and we got a losy 10 replies. And I have to be honest with you... I've tutored 100s of clients in the past 5 years, even some B list celebrities. I am an average guy, actually before I got into the world of pickup, I was less than average, I was a 19 year old virgin, pimples, unkempt look, glasses, your average computer geek.. UNTIL... I decided to study everything I could find on women, from bars, books, social encounters. Completely change my look, I started going to the gym 2 times a week, worked on picking up women. Everytime I saw a woman I was attracted to, no matter how scared or unattractive I felt, I went up to her, literally 1000s of girls, and I had a dismail rate, I got maybe 3 numbers out of the first 250 girls, yes I did keep count that was how geeky I was! Over the next year things really went crazy for me, I started not caring about women, I was what they call an ALPHA male at that point, I started getting girls APPROACING ME! Giving me their number! I PROMISE YOU IF YOU KEEP READING YOU WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! I went girl crazy, I was like a fat little german kid in a chocolate shop! I was still in school, but going on three dates a day. One at lunch, one right after school, and then one each night. Within months I had filled my phone book on my Nokia phone(okay okay, back then I could only fit 250 people on my cell phone), but that was 247 more people than I had ever had in my cell phone EVER! My friends started noticing, then everybody started noticing. After 6 months I was walking past every nightclub line, getting free drinks, and always seemed to have at least 2 women hanging off my every word. My friend, who I will call Kyle was in the same boat before I went through this self discovery, wanted what I had. I explained to him that it was not easy. Kyle, had an IQ of 148, had breezed by everything which had seemed challenging to everyone else became my first client, but not for long. I asked him three questionso you like how your life is right now? How do you want to change it? And most importantly, are you prepared to do what it takes to change it? Do you like your life? If not how would you change it if you had the tools? Are you prepared to do what it takes to change it? If you like your life just how it is, or if you arent prepared to do what it takes to change yourself and your life, this is not for you, close this page right now.
I couldn't tell where your sales copy began at first. I had to go back and think about it. Its because you're missing an "EYEPOPPING HEADLINE THAT WILL INSTANTLY CATCH YOUR READERS ATTENTION AND GLUE THEM TO THE PAGE!" Or at least get them to read the following paragraph. Your starting line "Things started when one of my clients told me about craigslist personals" Is going to have people click the back button really quickly. Its like the start of a slow novel that you have to read for school. Except your prospects have no incentive like grades to push the way through to the end of your copy, so they won't. Have you analyzed the sales letters of your competitors like Stylelife, David D. and Mystery Method? You've got a decent start. If you're open to a few short and sweet sales copy tutorials I'd reccomend Gary Bencivenga's free stuff. Just google his name. He doesn't even try to make you buy stuff when you opt in to his list, just shares good tips. Rich old bastard.
It's a decent copy .. you should add some videos .. of you or your friends applying the techniques you teach and get the girls .. or .. better yet show them the video after they signup to your aweber ..
It looks like a good start. As others have said, Add a an eyecatching headline, maybe some audio testimonials with pictures of your clients (with the play button at the bottom.) Also, you could take a pic of your nokia phone on a contact saying something like 4 of 250, or opening your inbox and it saying 97% full. Above it put, do you want your cell phone to look like this? just an idea.
You should have candid videos of you getting random girls numbers off the street--either staged or genuine. THAT would be GOLD, hahaha. If I was in the market for that sort of thing that would definitely get my interest. (It's a demo AND amusing!)
I'll get some candid videos of getting random girls numbers off the street.... might be busy later though
