I posted this to the Lounge and apologize if it disrupts the main feed flow. Since we all seem to deal in a lot of business transactions on a daily and weekly basis I wanted to throw out some info on what I specialize in which is human psychology, which i use for business consulting, employee training and also connecting with consumers. There is a "not so pleasant" flip-side I have encountered many times in dealing with business partners and colleagues that I wanted to help you all out to recognize if it should happen to you. That is PLAYERS and LIARS. I have dealt with a few in personal and business life (yes even with one from this forum which was handled quickly and effectively) and wanted to share my formally trained and informal experience on what to look for. Below you will see 5 things to look out for, most players and liars will exhibit at least 3 of the 5 traits. I mean every single one should be a red flag in their own right but if it is just one thing then give them the benefit of the doubt for now until you have more information, but having at least three is a reason to end the friendship, conversation, relationship, or business partnership because you are walking your death march into getting played. Players and Liars. Warning Signs: 1. Way too confident and outgoing in the first meeting face-to-face or on the phone. A player gets where they are from being good at what they do. The way you make most people feel comfortable on a psychological level is to mirror their demeanor to an extent until both are more comfortable. A player on the other hand, could care less, he takes control immediately in a calculated manner and rarely makes a nervous mistake. 2. Checklisting: A player or liar will do what I call "checklisting" the very first time you encounter them. It almost feels like an interview. They know the traits of the kind of person who will allow them to lie, or allow them to "play them" and so they find this "weaker" person by checklisting. What kind of shoes do you like? How do you like your man to dress? What is your business experience, hobbies, kids, wife/husband, religion, politics, views on political topics, do you like any charities... these are all completely normal over the course of a relationship albeit business or personal, but when you get these all within the first hour or first meeting be prepared. You are being sized up by a player who will want to set his mental boundaries on how much he can lie to you and what buttons to push. 3. The Phantom: This one is pretty easy to spot. I understand in business having a private life is important but after doing business with someone for any amount of time you generally know SOMETHING about the person so if after a few years they are still a complete mystery something is going on. On a relationship side this is really easy to spot in a man or woman. Things like taking private calls, rushing out of the room to answer the phone, keeping the phone on silent, never circulating as a couple, never seeing their parents or other family members ever being spoken about, and the biggest red flag of all... Never being invited to his/her residence at any point in the relationship. You are getting played. 4. Katy Perry Style: You know "Hot & Cold", this is a method a lot of players and liars called that has a technical term called "raking". When you rake, you push something up, pull it back, try to make a big separation. This plays with the emotions of a players victim so badly. One second you are getting, "oh everything is going amazing, the business deal is almost done we are going to make so much money on this deal" to the next couple days not being able to get a hold of that person allowing your emotions to crash and wonder what's going on. Same in a personal relationship. "oh i think you are my soul-mate" to not seeing them for two weeks only to hear an excuse as to why not. Players and liars chase, but don't like the conquer so expect a lot of raking to make sure you are prime to pick up and drop over and over. Also always be aware of what is TRULY going on THAT EXACT MOMENT in the friendship and relationship and not what the player always says which will be "future tense" things like, "oh i cant wait until we do this" or "well when this day comes I want to take you here or there" don't get caught in the future possibilities because players and liars will rake you forever and the "someday" never comes. 5. Pilot Pants McGhee: Always flying around. Watch out for the people who can never commit to an event or even keep the time for a phone call. They never commit to anything, instead give you a brush off, a maybe, and then at the last minute will weigh in all of their options and choose the one that best suits their ego. They will ALWAYS have emergencies to handle, have to take care of an "issue at work" have bad cell service, a call on the other line, dead battery, odd working hours, can only access emails, THEY ARE ALL LIES! Well maybe a couple might not be but if this is a constant in work or in personal relationships... enjoy getting played! So what does a player get out of it? Many things,but above all the lying and playerism is caused by them not even trusting in themselves. Could be from things growing up, or even a hardening to empathy where they just don't care about other people's feelings anymore. It is a deep rooted psychological issue and needs to be addressed because detriment of huge proportions come from peoples lies and deceit. Hopefully you have learned a little something about spotting your player or the liar in your life. Personal, business, friends, family... all could lie and all could have similar traits. If you notice these patterns address them and be VERY up front with the person. If they don't fess up (which most won't) then you need to limit your contact to them. Most of the time in confrontation a player will either keep talking, or just never talk to you again and move to the next victim! Do business with ethics, blackhat doesn't mean "liar hat", especially in dealing with each other.. and most of all Stay Classy Planet Blackhat.