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letter to a neigbhour

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by proxygo, Jul 29, 2011.

  1. proxygo

    proxygo Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Nov 2, 2008
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    This letter was actually sent to a dog owner
    from my facebook page. enjoy

    Dear Neighbour

    It was good to meet you and your dog once again this morning. I?m sorry the
    ...circumstances were such that we couldn?t have a proper chat, but I?m afraid
    that being in a situation where I was restraining my four agitated and angry
    dogs whilst trying to ward your dog off with my foot as he tried to hump them
    indiscriminately wasn?t conducive to chit-chat.

    Unfortunately we have had similar encounters several times since you moved here
    a few weeks ago, and as my dogs are neutered males and spayed females who don?t
    appreciate your dog?s relentless advances things can get a little lively when
    we meet, so I thought perhaps a letter might help to break the ice as it were.

    I appreciate that your dog ran over two fields and nearly a quarter of a mile
    to get to mine, so it was going to take you a little time to get there to
    retrieve him. However for next time I?d suggest spending 15 minutes standing
    two fields away angrily screaming his name possibly wasn?t the best use of
    your time. It hasn?t worked on any previous occasion and didn?t work this
    morning, so could I respectfully suggest that next time you cut that part out
    of the process and come and get your dog straight away?

    Anyway, I was sure as hell pleased to see you after 25 minutes of my dogs being
    humped, barged and jumped on. It was a shame that having finally managed to
    catch your dog and get hold of his collar you only let us get a few yards down
    the path before you released him, so he immediately came after us and the whole
    performance started again, but hey, that?s dogs for you ? whoever in the world
    could have predicted he would do that?

    We did talk a little last time about how you could stop your dog continuously
    running off and bothering other dogs, and I?ll accept that you have indeed
    tried ?everything? ? except training apparently. Or rewards, as he ?should? do
    what you tell him without them. Dogs are certainly clever animals, but I?d
    never before realised that they had a sense of ethics and obligation to do the
    right thing, I certainly learned a few things from our conversation. To think
    of all that time I?ve wasted with clickers and treats!

    On that subject, I?m still I?m not entirely sure how smacking him when you do
    finally manage to get hold of him will make him easier to catch next time -
    perhaps you could talk me through that one next time we meet?

    We also briefly discussed that neutering might help curb his desire to streak
    off into the distance hump anything that moved, but you mentioned that you were
    considering using him at stud in due course as he a Pedigree Labrador with
    Papers; and he?s Chocolate ? that?s important apparently.

    Now I certainly can?t claim to know a lot about Labradors, but if the standard
    for the breed specifies a potato-shaped body and short, stumpy legs your boy is
    certainly a fine example and it would obviously be a shame to rob future
    generations of his genes; and he has Papers. I hate to break it to you, though
    - so does my newsagent but that doesn?t make me want to have his babies.

    You told me that you?d thought about an electric shock collar to tackle his
    tendency to run off, but were concerned about the cost. I?m sure the fact you
    didn?t also mention any concerns about the effect of administering electric
    shocks on your dog?s physical and psychological wellbeing was merely an
    oversight, but I thought I?d slip it in here just in case it?s an aspect of
    these collars you may not have considered?

    Anyway, having come home and pondered our mutual problem, I hope you are as
    pleased as I am that I have managed to come up with a tried and tested 100%
    effective solution that requires no time, input or effort from you and costs
    only a few pounds.

    There is a handy little gadget that savvy dog owners have been using for many
    years to address your sort of problem. It?s very simple, a long strip of rope
    or leather with a loop at one end you can use as a handle, and a clever little
    clip at the other end that attaches to your dog?s collar (you might have seen
    that metal ring on his collar and wondered what it was for?). This brilliant
    device is called a lead - L.E.A.D. You attach it to your dog, hold the handle
    and hey presto, you have control of your dog and he can no longer run away!
    Most pet shops sell them ? in fact I probably have a spare I can loan you to
    try, just let me know.
    • Thanks Thanks x 4
  2. kirkonpolttaja

    kirkonpolttaja Senior Member

    Feb 6, 2010
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    LMAO!! OMG i feel just like this person when i'm seeing dogs running around... some people dont train their dogs cause "they are their babies<3".
  3. proxygo

    proxygo Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Nov 2, 2008
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    made me smile when the user posted it
  4. littleg2008

    littleg2008 BANNED BANNED

    Dec 3, 2009
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    brilliant, made me laugh :)
  5. Monrox

    Monrox Power Member

    Apr 9, 2010
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    The author of the letter should be castrated as well. He seems to believe that the procedure is a solution to everything.

    Seriosuly how can people mangle creatures because their behavior is otherwise 'undesirable'.
  6. suave

    suave Regular Member

    Sep 20, 2009
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    that's funny, could have call the pound and get his ass in trouble none the less this is funny.
  7. dgfalk

    dgfalk Power Member

    Apr 26, 2010
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    Where in the world is a leash called a lead?
  8. keyboard

    keyboard BANNED BANNED

    May 26, 2010
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    england :rolleyes: