Just getting something off my chest

It's a lounge post, so pass it up if you must.

Just want to get something off my chest, see if you guys have ever felt the way i do today. In the mid-2000's I dated a girl for about 5 yrs, a person i thought was amazing. Fun loving, carefree, huge heart, and great head on her shoulders. We ended things after that time period because of scheduling, both having demanding careers, etc it just became too difficult to see one another.

So a bit after we went our separate ways she began seeing someone else, I knew about him, I actually knew who he was through association of friends in the city. I had no ill feelings towards them dating, in fact she seemed pretty happy and I was moving on as well. Over time, the most recent 3 years she has been with him, I have spoken with her off and on just friendly and catching up about family and whatnot. I noticed she was changing a lot for this guy, moving to a different country, studying his religion, sold her condo in the city, sold her car, all to be with him in his country.

I was witnessing the person I knew getting zapped of all of her independent energy, she didn't speak on her own anymore, it was more what he wanted. She didn't have the huge laugh, the big smile, the carefree nature, and big heart. Her mind shifted to materialism, being elitist to certain people, only doing things that people of a wealthy ilk would find acceptable. Oddly enough money has always been there, even when her and I were dating we had it very well off but she maintained that huge heart and happiness.

Well today she calls me crying, sobbing on her way to a therapist. He dumped her, told her to go home to her country and not come back that it was over. So as a friend I just wanted to talk through the situation with her and it was like I was talking to an entirely different human being. We are both mature adults so there were no ulterior motives to the call or to me talking with her. I have always wanted her to be happy. So I asked, "well what is it that you are actually missing about him? I think he is pretty cold hearted about the way he went about it, especially for no good reason" (and if there were a good reason she would tell me, she doesnt hide things)... so she proceeded to talk about how she missed al things that had to do with materialism, money, cars, the travel, the dinners with important people... never ONCE did she say she missed anything personally about HIM.

So i stopped her and pointed it out, and between her crying she said, "well i miss those things, i dont want to keep working forever and I was going to be quitting work next year and we were just going to travel together"....

It was so awkward, so painful to hear the girl who I met as a carefree college girl from a small town with a huge heart, sob tears over not having the car she wanted, and the dinners with dignitaries. ...

It is just a real shock how bad people forget where they've come from and it just broke my heart today to hear how much she has changed. In years past I would have tried to run to her side and even console her, and had always wanted to date her again in the back of my head... but after today I couldn't even see myself with this "new" person, this new girl isn't even someone I would want for my future.

Don't forget what you are at your core, and don't let the money of success change everything about you. It's sad to watch the progression over time from carefree huge heart, to a person on their way to a therapist because they don't get to retire in their late 20's.

People change...Its amazing how people who were kindred spirits become talking heads who you dont recognise.....You need to move away and leave her to her pain...its nothing to do with you any more........And money yes you are right money isnt everyhing but being poor sucks

Good post, sounds like she's looking for a free handout...Some people forget that in the end they cant take their material possessions with them

She's actually extremely wealthy on her own, she is an executive of a well known tech co. wont say which. So it's always strange to me that now instead of doing for her own self she has gotten so wrapped up in that guys money she is more hurt about that, than missing him.

I had no plans to be with her or anything like that, it was just the real first slap in the face of FIRST HAND seeing how massively people can change, and allow others to change them.

So odd.

Mate, you have done all you can. It is up to her to re-learn who she was, and to determine who she will be.

Well done for being there, all you can do is hope she changes and give support if needed.

The problem is that, is not how much money you make but how much you are spending.She got accustomed to a very expensive lifestyle where it takes quite a big amount to maintain it. She was surrounded by wealth all around her while she was with this guy, so her high paying job isn't the same as what she was experiencing. She still had to work at her old job and probably not get all the same perks she was getting with this guy, remember the keyword is 'work' since being with this guy she was getting all of this without any 'work'(in the sense of getting up and going to work)

Its all who you are surrounded by that you are going to measure yourself up too, she could have lived a pretty layback life if she would have kept working and lived within her own means. HEll she could have retired in her 30's if she saved enough and moved to live to a different country , obviously not as extravagant as she was doing it with this guy.

See thats why I love IM, because most of us are literally working our ass off and most of us aren't really around the top 1% or sometimes the 5% so when we hit it big, as in make more than the regular dudes at the 9-5, we feel a sense of relieve, success , achievement. Our success would be dwarfed if compared to the elite class, it would seem just like enough to pay for a day or 2 of their life expenses.

Some old guy taught me to never trust women. If only I'd listened...

You have a quality avatar.

cool0403 said:

The problem is that, is not how much money you make but how much you are spending.She got accustomed to a very expensive lifestyle where it takes quite a big amount to maintain it. She was surrounded by wealth all around her while she was with this guy, so her high paying job isn't the same as what she was experiencing. She still had to work at her old job and probably not get all the same perks she was getting with this guy, remember the keyword is 'work' since being with this guy she was getting all of this without any 'work'(in the sense of getting up and going to work)

Its all who you are surrounded by that you are going to measure yourself up too, she could have lived a pretty layback life if she would have kept working and lived within her own means. HEll she could have retired in her 30's if she saved enough and moved to live to a different country , obviously not as extravagant as she was doing it with this guy.

See thats why I love IM, because most of us are literally working our ass off and most of us aren't really around the top 1% or sometimes the 5% so when we hit it big, as in make more than the regular dudes at the 9-5, we feel a sense of relieve, success , achievement. Our success would be dwarfed if compared to the elite class, it would seem just like enough to pay for a day or 2 of their life expenses.

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all women are prostitutes, some of them just don't know it...

Man I am sorry. You have done all you can for this girl. It must not feel good her changing her
life so drastic for this cold hearted guy when you have been their for her all along. I think all you
could do at this point is wish her the best and she has to decide what it is she wants in life. Even
the richest people are not content in their heart and life. A rich person is a person who is happy
with their life. Anyway your OP was very good in a lesson to many people.

Now we can only hope the people we know will never change from who we love.
And that we can keep our heads together.
Life is so damn unpredictable...

Good Luck and Take Care!
Red Clover

Good thing she still have you! Circumstances forced you both to leave each other. Save her..

That is the sad thing about MOST women. I capitalized for a reason (there are a few out there that are taught different). But the reason for this is influence, most of the time it's the mother telling the child that in order to be happy, she needs to be with someone of wealth, sometimes it's friends saying the same exact things, but in her case it was the guy she was with that was influencing her. He made her feel like she needed those THINGS, and completely 100% dependent on money and materials. Its sad to see that happen to people.

We are both mature adults so there were no ulterior motives to the call or to me talking with her

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Lies.

Really though sounds like they had a fight, be nice and listen I'm sure she needs to vent but I would imagine in the next few days she will be back with them. Not all "we're done get out of my country (or house for the less elite)" fights are truly the end.

illfounded21 said:

You have a quality avatar.

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Haha thanks man , the 2 things you need the most. Weed and a dog, one for inspiration and relaxation the other for companion.

She turned into a gold digger.. no offense.

That's the thing about women.

No offence ladies, but I have to just say it out.
Women are like that. A man is always willing to wait for a woman, but 90% of the time the woman won't.

When I was a young Blackseng (age between 12-18), I was a gentleman. I never offend a woman, I always do all the chivalry shits (opening doors, giving up seats for them, .etc), I helped them whenever I can. I do NOT seek any appreciation or thank you in return, I just do it because I respect women. I used to see women as beautiful goddess that men are blessed to have. I NEVER ever had any sexual fantasies or thoughts to any woman at all.
Then of course I discovered the cold truth... They are sluts and they always be.

Maybe it is just the women I've known around me; maybe I was immature back then to learn the truth; I don't know. But all I can say is... the boy is dead and the man is born.

Now I don't give a fucking heck about women at all. In general, most of them are just sluts. They are willing to flirt just to get something in return. In the corporate world, they can flirt or fuck superiors just to get promotion the quick way; they could abandon a nice guy for a bad guy; they could give up everything for something like money/wealth/fame. I mean, now even when I open doors for female strangers, they just walk in without a smile or thank you. They feel as if it is a norm for man to do it.

A beggar with the heart of a gold is pointless. No women would love him.
A rich or famous SOB with the heart of ice... all women will open their legs for him with the sign "INSERT PENIS HERE" above their pussy.
What shocks me most is... they used to say the "ugly" or "fat" ones are usually the kind-hearted ones. But NOOOO... they are no different.

But don't get me wrong. Most women are like that but there's definitely a few whom are outstanding. Like our mothers for example. Problem is... with our current society, such outstanding women (and men) are becoming more rare.

If there's a vaccine for love, give me plenty of it. I just hate being in love.. it's the worst curse and spell.
If men are sadistic in battle; women are sadistic in love.
Once you're in a bitch's spell, that's it.

That's why I never trust women. Whenever they try to be friendly with me, I immediately become wary of them.

BlackSeng said:

That's the thing about women.

No offence ladies, but I have to just say it out.
Women are like that. A man is always willing to wait for a woman, but 90% of the time the woman won't.

When I was a young Blackseng (age between 12-18), I was a gentleman. I never offend a woman, I always do all the chivalry shits (opening doors, giving up seats for them, .etc), I helped them whenever I can. I do NOT seek any appreciation or thank you in return, I just do it because I respect women. I used to see women as beautiful goddess that men are blessed to have. I NEVER ever had any sexual fantasies or thoughts to any woman at all.
Then of course I discovered the cold truth... They are sluts and they always be.

Maybe it is just the women I've known around me; maybe I was immature back then to learn the truth; I don't know. But all I can say is... the boy is dead and the man is born.

Now I don't give a fucking heck about women at all. In general, most of them are just sluts. They are willing to flirt just to get something in return. In the corporate world, they can flirt or fuck superiors just to get promotion the quick way; they could abandon a nice guy for a bad guy; they could give up everything for something like money/wealth/fame. I mean, now even when I open doors for female strangers, they just walk in without a smile or thank you. They feel as if it is a norm for man to do it.

A beggar with the heart of a gold is pointless. No women would love him.
A rich or famous SOB with the heart of ice... all women will open their legs for him with the sign "INSERT PENIS HERE" above their pussy.
What shocks me most is... they used to say the "ugly" or "fat" ones are usually the kind-hearted ones. But NOOOO... they are no different.

But don't get me wrong. Most women are like that but there's definitely a few whom are outstanding. Like our mothers for example. Problem is... with our current society, such outstanding women (and men) are becoming more rare.

If there's a vaccine for love, give me plenty of it. I just hate being in love.. it's the worst curse and spell.
If men are sadistic in battle; women are sadistic in love.
Once you're in a bitch's spell, that's it.

That's why I never trust women. Whenever they try to be friendly with me, I immediately become wary of them.

Click to expand...

I think you've been a bit too kind here but...women are programmed to be like that, it's hard going against your instincts.

I was much like yourself when I was younger, but soon enough I realized that most women are stupid in one way or another, but that shouldn't come as a surprise, most people, regardless of age, race, or sex are stupid...I don't pity the poor and the stupid, ignorance is bliss.

It's all about adversity and what you have been through in life. An ugly woman who had to fight her way from the bottom to the top is probably smart...think Angela Merkel or the Iron Lady but 99% of women are...not sure if stupid is the right word but without...hmm trying to find the right word here...tact if that tells you anything.

I'll give you one example. When I was in high school I was dating this girl...extremely hot...but the mind of an average girl. So one day she tells me that there's this watch she likes and asks me to buy it for her...the watch is hefty expensive but I can afford it, but I won't. So she bugs me about it every once in a while, especially when she she's my watch (Omega Planet Ocean)...one day I find some guy offering me a replica of the same watch she wants...it's a really BADLY made replica...PERFECT. So the next day I call her and tell her "I bought you that watch". She's all girl-like, excited and then I give her the watch...and the watch looks like it's made out of cardboard. She get's mad for a few days, but ultimately she calls back.

What's the point of all this ?

Well, two points here. First thing is...women are obsessed with stupid crap. While I had about a 1 000 000 things on my mind the only thing she thought about for 3 months was that fucking watch. That's what I meant with not having tact. Most women don't know what kind of problems we handle every day, for them problems are gossiping girlfriends and fashion bags...

The other thing is, being nice to a girl and doing what she wants will ultimately get you dumped. She appreciates a present for an hour, but doing all sorts of crap like I did keeps her on her toes, she will never admit it but it's interesting and exciting.

Most women want to be manipulated, they'll never admit it and will always say they want a nice guy...bullshit. I have never, ever found a girl that really likes a nice guy, but I never considered the jerk to be a good alternative either. You should always manipulate girls, they manipulate you every day with their makeup, breast implants, botox and all the other crap they use.

There's a lot of interesting and truthful replies in this thread. Let this teach her a lesson that when she had someone who truly cared for her (you) she should of stayed. She might want to get back with you, who knows, if she does, top the whole thing with a cherry, have some fun and dump her. That'll teach her. Then again if you don't want to be bad to her you'd be better of just leaving her behind and not caring at all. But as xxtoni said above, manipulation seems to be the key.

What a shame. I have seen people loose their way and change from the person I knew them to be all my life...all for money and 'things'.

At the end of the day, what is most important is love and friendship. Yes that sounds cheesy as feck I know. But you need to have someone to turn to in your time of need and money wont buy you that. Look where she is now! Sobbing to an ex boyfriend because she as pushed aside everything else that was previous important for money. She is very lucky she had you by her side, very lucky indeed.

I think what you done was great. You reached out, were a shoulder to cry on, and had nothing but the best intentions. The way I see it, everyone can loose their way in life. I've been known to seek something and become engrossed with a goal. But to loose your personality and sense of fun along the way is such a sad thing. Recovering from that isn't easy.

I hope she has people around her who can help restore her to her original, happy self.

ShadeDream said:

There's a lot of interesting and truthful replies in this thread. Let this teach her a lesson that when she had someone who truly cared for her (you) she should of stayed. She might want to get back with you, who knows, if she does, top the whole thing with a cherry, have some fun and dump her. That'll teach her. Then again if you don't want to be bad to her you'd be better of just leaving her behind and not caring at all. But as xxtoni said above, manipulation seems to be the key.

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I agree with you on everything except the highlighted part. I think, the best revenge is to move on and forget. Because if you hurt her, (if you have a heart) you will feel more bad than anything afterwords, but if you move on and show her that you don't want her (no matter how hard she tries, or how much she cries) then you can rest easy knowing that she is the one who feels terrible knowing what she lost.