Discussion in 'My Journey Discussions' started by Billy Batts, Nov 24, 2019.
13 days my man. That's nearly 2 fucking weeks. You got this now.
You are a great strategist
Changing your environment is a good strategy
It's good that you are doing new healthier and better activities
Not sure whether you read this book by Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit
Gheghe neh, I'm respectful of the host but if she would make an advance who am I to say no
Thanks but too soon to say I got this, plenty of times I was sober for 2 weeks, for the past 4 years the longest was probably 2 months, long road to go but trying to stick with it.
TBH I pretty much never read books as I'm always too busy and I know I need to make time but when I'm focused behind the computer I lose track of time.
Days sober: 14
Days worked out this week: 4
Working on Projects: 1
I'm flying to Budapest Hungary this afternoon, found a gym to work out and further I will mostly work on my stuff in some coffee bar and do some walking around, going climb that little mountain at the Donau for sure.
Found an all you can eat buffet for €4
It's good to see that you're getting your shit together, one advice that I can give you is to surround yourself with positive people. Avoid to be alone all the time, is not good for the mind.
Luckily we live in a time where there's plenty of ways to know new people and make some friends, make useful contacts, get laid with a girl, etc.
Meetup has a lot of meetings for a lot of different kinds of people, I'm planning to go to a English students meeting to practice my second language and know some cool people that have the same interests that I have.
Also, I was addicted to weed for a very long time in my life and it has really slowed me down and made me weak and depressed. After a long time thinking about quit, november 27 I've made a decision that I will never smoke that shit again.
No matter the circustances. Even if that means that I will be severely depressed and anxious on the first month. Or that I'll fucking die because of a heart attack by severe anxiety. It doesn't matter anymore. What need to happen will eventually happen. I prefer to die than to return to my old life again.
You gotta make a strong and solid decision in your mind or you will return to alcohol eventually. Don't let that happen.
BE RUTHLESS TO THE THINGS THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
The thing is, I'm a loner/einzelganger by nature. I can be very social but tbh I prefer to be alone most of the time but I'm planning to travel a lot more next year.
Atm I'm working on my laptop from some mall in Budapest because internet of my AirBNB host is down but yeah, I'm only here for 2 days and I already like it 100% better than my city in the Netherlands so when I get back next week it probably going to suck hard and will make me even more to leave my country.
I'm passed the physical withdrawals from the alcohol mostly, the first week was horrible the second week was ok but had more of an effect on my emotions and I was very aggressive and I only needed small things to go into a rage, luckily this is getting less worse.
Can't promise I will never drink again but I certainly don't want to fall into a pattern again that I drink most of the week.
Turning 40 next year and I'm focusing on starting the 40's healthy so work out more and eat more healthy. Just bought a week pass in the gym of Hungary to stay active.
You're doing well man, exercise is the best form of medication and it will help you get over all that. Just make sure it become an daily habit.
Fix your diet as well, don't underestimate that. Food is the fuel for your body and mind, so if you put in trash food in your body or don't eat enough food you will become mentally tired or suscetible to withdraws.
Search about "Pescatarian Diet", it's based on fish and all sorts of vegetables. Trust me, you will feel a lot better after a month doing it.
Saw this post while going through your posts looking for an update on that ebook.
Love it, man.
I also lost everyone, but I was only 22 when the last one passed away.
It's fucking rough for like the first year or two. It slowly gets better after that.
You often feel a deep awareness of your loneliness in the world. It also feels scary to let anyone close to you, because you feel like they'll 'leave' you too.
I tried to embrace it as much as possible. Used that time to give myself everything I wanted or expected from the people I lost.
I'm super happy now and I'm sure you'll get there too.
But before that--it was a lot of weed, cocaine, and drinking. I'm sure everyone in our situation does it. Not saying it's a good thing, but it's nothing to beat yourself up over.
I hate when someone says that you're bitch if you are depressed, but believe me they can't even imagine what we are going through.
A lot of people including my friends, girlfriend, and other says to me: ''Just think positive'' , ''you need to start to work harder'' , ''you need to quit bad habits'' , ''you need to start exercising'' , ''let the past go'' and shits like that, but they can never truly understand how is actually hard for someone who is going trough a lot to start doing something and quit the bad habits, because they never had that bad feeling, they never had a real depression... That's why they can't and they will not understand this.
I think this is very dangerous physical condition for one man. You simply can't fight with your mind, there is a lot of negative thoughts which you can't control...
For the last 2 years I don't know why there is nothing positive in me, there is a lot of negativity in me and simply I can't get it out. Always I have strange feeling that hurt and make sad feeling inside of my stomach, which is holding me back for too long.
No matter how many times I promised to my self and I sweared that i will never do again in my life some bad habits but after some time again I'm back to them and always I'm fucking sad because simply I can't quit them!!! I'm pissed off because I spend a lot of days, a lot of unslept nights thinking that I've been idiot and did a lot of mistakes, thinking about how I could be that stupid, but after some time again I'm doing the same mistakes..
Sometimes I think not even words can express this situation and sometimes I think whatever I read or whatever I listen will not help me, so I'm not seeing escape from this...
You sound like you are in a deep depression and i can only HIGHLY recommend to you that you go out and seek a therapist. Not because you are a bitch or anything else that your "friends" tell you. But because depression is something that is VERY difficult to get out of alone. You already wasted 2 years of negativity in your life. Do you want this to be your whole life? Obviously what you've been trying hasn't worked, so the next step is to get some professional help.
Maybe but I need meat! Although I've been eating it less when I'm in my country as prizes are high AF but currently in Hungary where meat is a lot cheaper
Been already eating more veggies and drinking more healthy.
Yeah it sucks man sorry to hear that. For me it always felt like, the longer you have them in your life the harder it will be. Throughout my 39 years they were the only ones in all my situations whether I was homeless, had money, came from prison or whatever where I was always welcome. Now naturally they didn't know the full extension of my problems because I know they would worry all the time, nevertheless they were very close to my heart and now both in the same year gone, it fucking sucks but I just have to unwillingly move on. I try to no think about the happiness part as I can't even remember when I was deeply and truly happy, just taking it one day at a time
About the eBook, which one was that because I finished one eBook but due some changes I have to make some edits this week. You can subscribe at https://billybatts.rocks if you want, I'll send an email out when I release it on BHW.
I know exactly what you mean, I've hard all these things a 1000 times before too, I usually don't reply to it anymore because it's pointless. If even people in the world that had it all, loving family, partner, kids, often loved by their community/followers/fans and plenty of money that they never have to worry about anything financially anymore still kill their-selves due to depression that should say enough how severe depression can be.
I often think to myself, they had all that, I had nothing, slept outside with -15c, had a financial debt from here to Tokyo, seen so many crazy shit in the homeless shelters and the homeless life, in prison, how the hell am I still here hahaha, it still amazes me sometimes.
Anyway, I won't give you advice like, stay positive blabla etc etc because that doesn't mean shit when you're depressed. Luckily I'm not in a current state of depression it comes and goes but for me, I just let some things go and live on a day by day bases.
The only advice I can give you is what you already doing, soldier through it. Try to do at least something, when I was depressed, I didn't go outside but I did check IM stuff or played some games, now that I'm sober for 17 days, can't say the world is all great all of a sudden but it does make a small difference even though the withdrawals suck!
I've been waiting on the ebook for hosting. I pay $30/mo for each website, so... yeah, I'd like to not pay that much if I can find something faster for +/- $5.
No need to say sorry. It is what it is. Life is a cruel mistress with a bad case of bipolar disorder. One day you're having hot nasty sex, the next day she leaves you for someone else. It comes and goes--like an ocean tide. You can kill yourself fighting the current, or just chill and enjoy the gloomy weather.
It sounds paradoxical as fuck, but I think it's good you aren't focusing on the happiness. You gotta stare the pain right in eyes and make friends with it. Nothing ever changes if you don't.
But enough with the life advice lol. I'm sure you've received a lot of it already.
Looking forward to your emails.
Cool because this the eBook that's pretty much finished. Today I will finish the release version of the website, Tomorrow I will make the last edits to the eBook and it should be good to go.
Pain is the thing I deal with best but it gets awkward for me the other way around, when I'm surrounded by a happy situation/people it feels very weird for me.
Days sober: 22
Days worked out this week: 4
Working on Projects: 1 (finishing up)
What is up! First off, want to thank everybody for always reading my stuff and everyone replying and supporting.
Had some insights and I still often not really realize how many people reading my things and threads sometimes even help them, so thanks!
For the past week I was in Budapest Hungary, what a great city and country! So many (positive) differences with west Europe, way too short though! Wanted to do a bit more work but often the day planning took a totally different path.
Haven't had a drop of alcohol even though it's even more easy to get over there and way cheaper, they sell it almost in every regular supermarket.
Worked out 4 days in a local gym but I probably burned the most from walking a LOT. I think I walked more in that week than the whole year over here.
Being back home kinda threw me in a dip as I hate it over here but it also motivated me to pick up the slack and focus more so I can leave again soon. Probably next trip will be Romania and then I'm hoping I can stick a while in middle and eastern Europe.
Thanks for reading and the support.
You've been a huge inspiration to me my friend. I'd like to get a coffee and chat over the great wonders of internet marketing with you. I usually spend a lot of time alone beacuse nobody understands what I do
Thanks man! Really, I get likes, followers every day and I know a lot of people reading and never hear from them so I still don't grasp how much of an impact my stuff has. @BassTrackerBoats tells me all the time but even then I think like, ok, if he says so but I never think much of it usually so again thanks for the vibes.
Where you living? Since I returned from Hungary I determined to travel a lot in 2020 after I turn 40 end of April. Maybe by then I should my a journey topic and just visit people who are interested or something, we'll see how it goes.
ps: I did not expect that gif to be so fucking big. Uploaded it through mobile but holy shit!
Your shares here have a very strong impact on the members here.
Huge actually and your openness is amazing.
Rock on, Dude, I not only have your back but many others do as well.
You should visit Serbia too
You should change that avatar, put something more alive...
You can visit me if you come to the states. I and a few other members here live close to each other. Perhaps, we could arrange a meet.
Separate names with a comma.