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✅✅Journey to beat addiction&depression and getting healthier+finish more projects✅✅(weekly updated)

Discussion in 'My Journey Discussions' started by Billy Batts, Nov 24, 2019.

  1. Billy Batts

    Billy Batts Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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    So yeah, was really doubting to make a thread like this not because of the few haters but more because I have very little discipline lately and tend to out of nowhere disappear and relapse but this thread is part of creating more discipline for myself plus letting some guys know what is up. (sorry I haven't replied to you all yet)

    Anyway, again:

    [​IMG]

    Short Recap

    Past month several people on BHW and skype asked why I haven't been as active, started to pick up the slack last week but yeah the reason is simple, alcohol and depression. Jup, IDC what anyone thinks of it but I like to keep shit real and that was the reality.

    This year hasn't been particular motivating or profitable for me simply because I lost the only two people I loved in a 6 month time span leaving me alone on this God forsaken planet. That rendered me with depressions which lead me straight back to the alcohol again, alcohol led to looking up all the negative BS in the world and this decade with all it's BS in the MSM made me even more not giving a Fuck about anything anymore.

    Anyway, last week I went totally balls out again and then spend 2 days in bed feeling I could have a stroke or heart attack at any moment due the amount of poison that was flowing through my body and was just thinking a lot.

    Wish I could say I had this special moment of clarity, if only it were ever so easy however I did realize continuing like this I will not A reach my 40th BD next year and B I will be stuck here forever.

    I'm very good in helping people, motivate them and pull em out of the darkness I just suck at it implementing it on myself so time to do that, time to let shit go and get serious, real serious this time!

    It's always an continues battle in my mind but then again, I came from far, picked up a vast knowledge of everything IM related and I just can't leave this planet without have done some big things!

    Addiction&Depression

    These two go hand in hand and will only get worse. It's not a shame if you're dealing with this, the richest and the poorest, the most famous and the most unknown and everything in between have been dealing with it.

    For me personally, I've been dealing with this at least for almost the past 20 year, tried all kinds of shit to fight it but always got back in that vicious circle.

    The one thing I haven't done yet is checking into rehab and I made a promise with myself, I will try it one more time on sheer willpower, if I slip up again I will check myself into rehab but I must give it my all one more time!

    Currently as of today I am 7 days sober which might not seem like a lot but I on average drink away weekly about 5-7 bottles of whiskey/vodka away.

    Last week the detox has been awful! About average 2 hours of sleep every night, sweating, nerve pains, itching, heart palpitations and fucking nightmares.

    All that resulted in very little patience, being very aggressive, suicidal thoughts and as I used alcohol to shut up my demons and past, very deep depressions.

    But yeah fuck that, I will soldier through it so all I can say is, stay far away from alcohol, drugs and MSM.

    It took me a very long time to accept and let go and I'll have to accept that my grandparents are gone and not coming back, I will never have a dad, I will never have a mom that cares, I can't change the past and I can't change politics so even though I don't like it, time to move forward.

    If you are dealing with similar stuff and I know some of you are because I get PM's about it and I do read some of you guys threads, time to accept and let go any other path will lead to darkness and misery and it will only seriously reduce your output in IM ;)

    The path to negativity is much easier to accomplish and much harder to get out of.

    [​IMG]

    Getting healthier

    Currently I need to lose about 15kg/33lbs/2.3 stone(amazes me that they still use that metric). Drinking alcohol, eat badly and sitting behind the computer most of the day, not a great workout.

    [​IMG]

    So starting from Monday I will force myself to work out in the morning and in the evening, while drinking primarily my own brew of water, lemon and ginger for cold beverages and for the warm drinks green tea and black coffee(which I find disgusting really :D )

    Working out is going to suck in the beginning as the alcohol really fucked my stamina but back in the day I used to Thai/Kickbox, FOOTBALL(yeah, that's the name, not soccer!!) and regular strength training so I got the knowledge now I need to just pick it up and stick with it!!

    Projects

    I have the problem I have too many ideas and projects I like to finish. However I was writing an eBook on how to host your own sites which was pretty much finished but the software used for the server administration updated their core and changed several parts I wrote about so I have to rewrite some things.

    Also the site will be focusing on WP services, not per se for just BHW members but more for the general public. The site is about 98% finished now and the ebook need a hour of rewriting and then I'm done. Keep an eye on it because it will have a very nice affiliate program ;)

    After that I will continue my adult project, I have a journey thread about it in here somewhere but haven't done anything with it for a while but will do so soon.

    Besides that in between I'm picking up several clients for all kinds of stuff.

    The last 2 days for example I helped out a guy from the UK who is starting a company but budget was tight, I did him a solid discount for some good reviews and shares. I transferred his domain temporarily to one of my servers, fixed his mail-server and created a one page site for him.

    I always take webdesign, SEO, marketing offers when they arise as I have an agency site setup for these occasions and I always enjoy doing it.

    Last Words

    So yeah, those are the targets I set for myself, I will update them ever weekend starting with days sober, days worked out, working on projects, projects finished, so for now:

    Days Sober: 7
    Days Worked out: 0
    Working on Projects: 1
    Finished Projects: 1 (client work)

    Thanks for reading, if I ever miss a weekend come calling me out!

    I like to link to some favorite/forgotten threads of mine if you're bored or maybe need some inspiration go have a read ;)

    If you got any question about the above, please ask them in the right thread, keeps it organized and bumps it for new members to find :smirk:

    Got any questions about this thread let me know too ;)

    Peace

    [​IMG]
     
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  2. virtualbyron

    virtualbyron Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    I take a sit here, good luck!!
     
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  3. BassTrackerBoats

    BassTrackerBoats Super Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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  4. kindablack

    kindablack Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Your openness, sincerity and courage captivated me.
     
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  5. 710fla

    710fla Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Thanks for being open mate lots of us suffer similar problems, working online making your own money can be unbelievably stressful

    Good luck man
     
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  6. Epic Proxy

    Epic Proxy Junior Member

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    Goodluck! May this journey help you be better. If you stumble at some point, just keep going!
     
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  7. 11Yellow11

    11Yellow11 Junior Member

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    Damn Billy, i knew that you were going trough some deep shit lately but it's so good to hear that you're back on track.

    I didn't go trough the shit that you did, but i can totally understand you for a few.

    You're so totally right about Addiction and Depression going hand to hand, and sadly the depression never really goes away.

    It's a great thing to start working out, and i'm sure you already thought about it but when you have a little stamina again, go back to muay thai.

    I went back to MMA after the trial, and it really helped me, you could go back to do football too, but for me fighting was better to relieve stress and keep me on track.

    I even stopped smoking, cause everytime i wanted to smoke i always thought "Damn if i smoke all the other guys are going to have more cardio than me and i'll get beat up". Just that thought really kept me from doing any poisonous stuff.

    I drank sometimes during this period in the weekend, but never blacked out as always thanks to this omnipresent thought in my head.

    And if you'll go back, pay month to month, so you'll have one more reason to not waste any lesson!

    Whenever i fought i always thinked that i was fighting with the LIFE itself, it punches, i punch harder, it kicks me, i fucking break his leg.

    So yeah, just a few suggestion that helped me, everyone feels and deals with pain in a different way, maybe this will help you.

    Just to say...i would totally understand if you'll kill yourself, but without you TELL ME WHO'S GOING TO FUCKING RUN THIS FORUM!

    YOU FUCKING BASTARD YOU WENT TROUGH ALL THAT SHIT IN YOUR LIFE AND SURVIVED THE WORLD FUCKING NEEDS PEOPLE LIKE YOU!

    Have a great day Billy.
     
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  8. FUTUR TIM

    FUTUR TIM Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    I feel you so much, you don't even know. Learn about dopamine and see if you can travel for a few months, that's what helped with a similar addiction I had.
     
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  9. amoon

    amoon Elite Member

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    you can do it, we all have relapse and setbacks, but what its matter the most is keep going,

    I like the idea of working out, I think beginning your day within a GYM will make you healthier and will give you more energy to spend it on your day (projects, other business stuff) you can also double the benefits if you practice some Martial arts like jujutsu, MMA, Judo... just check you local place if you can find a good club...thats for the body

    and for the mind part, I advise you to check meditation, especially mindfulness meditation, it will help you fight those demons inside you, and find some calm...
    check a look into this https://curiositystream.com/video/1941/meditation-can-it-change-you ,


    [​IMG]
     
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  10. FFVI

    FFVI Newbie

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    Get it man. It takes a lot of balls to be as open as you are on here! I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this thread.
     
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  11. weeman123

    weeman123 Newbie

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    Good luck Billy!

    I wish you all the best, you deserve all the best in the world, it's very good to see that after all of this you're still trying to help and to motivate everyone on here!

    You were going trough some serious hell and you're still on the track so damn you are so strong and you keep going after all of that shit...

    I think the hardest part is to accept some things and let them go!!!

    No matter how much I want to let it go simply I can't get some things out of my head. I'm full of negativity, I'm stucked in some bad circle which is only about accomplish without taking any actions.

    It's 100% true that is much harder to get out of it!!! Last 2 years I just can't break this circle and if you ask me why I simply don't know the answer, all the time I'm just thinking that I need to take some action, I need to change and start doing something, but simply some thoughts and that physical condition is stopping me from all of that.

    Damn, sadly but so true :(
     
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  12. Takoona

    Takoona Regular Member

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    Batts, you aint in that car boot yet, mate. The real life reunion between you and spit shine Tommy doesn't happen for another 40 years. You'll have your day in the sun. Stay strong and take things one day at a time.
     
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  13. SirTop

    SirTop Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Majority of your threads are a way to learn. I’ve never fought depression before so couldn’t give much advice here. Wish you the best getting back on track.
     
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  14. Mr Positive

    Mr Positive Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    your BST link on my homepage space pm me
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    Hey bud you have a right step I would recommend you to immediately read this book you can heal your life by Louis hay, then make a set of affirmations and work on it that’ll boost your life. Now for your fitness journey I can share my clients site link, you can read his guides because he’s not selling any product just the perfect tips which will help if you want let me know I’ll pm you cheers and all the best
     
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  15. Yellowcrow

    Yellowcrow Junior Member

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    I was diagnosed with a few different things because of a weird childhood & it makes it really difficult to be in my mind.I discovered weed and it made my mind numb for a while and makes me calmer.Before long I have become addicted to this feeling of numbness and inactivity and have become prone to seek it all the time.
    I'm using my smarts to cover up my inability & not towards productiveness.
    Also, weed costs me almost nothing.That doesn't help.
    I've gone from 7 joints and 5-6 cigarettes a day to 2 joints and no cigarettes.
    It's really difficult but I'll try to completely quit by jan 2020.
    It's really encouraging to read your threads.
    I hate social media because I believe likes and post matter next to nothing there in real life.
    But when I see a post by someone like you it is just so much more motivating.:)
    Good luck always.
     
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  16. vahidrk

    vahidrk Newbie

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    So you have depression, why don't you just take antidepressants? It always amazes me why would people choose drugs and alcohol while there is a better, safer, cheaper choice!
     
  17. ziko12345

    ziko12345 Regular Member

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    I really wish you all the best and hope you will get better. You and your methds are the only reason I am making some money online to go to school.
    Cheers!
     
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  18. Billy Batts

    Billy Batts Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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    I finally had a good night sleep for the first time in 7 days.

    Checking this thread didn't expect so much positivity so that already makes my day. :)

    Nice front row seat :D

    Ah thank you for the kind words.

    Cheers man but believe me, I got a lot of processes going on in my body but stress ain't one. Mostly due to past (assuming you read it) you could understand, I don't stress easy but I do understand that it can be stressful for most.

    Yeah, reminds me of a Churchill saying "if you're going through hell keep on going"

    Well, 2 times this year I could've been dead.

    Right after my grandmother's death and a month after my grandfather's death so 1 week ago I let depression get the better of me.

    I wouldn't class it as regular suicide but I drank so much and popped pills that would at least put a normal person in the hospital or worse and just didn't care anymore.

    And blacking out, I've been having this every time, I can't remember the last 2 hours or so.

    Every time the day after my fridge was empty, sometimes I threw some stuff around and from the last time I got a 3cm second degree burn on my arm from I think making food in the oven.

    So yeah, time to change things :D I will not directly go back to my thaiboxing school as the trainings are too intense for the condition I'm currently in but working my way back step by step.

    Currently I feel like I need to go to a very desolate place but can't yet but will soon!

    I tried meditation a couple times but the problem is, I live right in the center of the second biggest city, it's never quiet here.

    Thanks man. Call me out when I don't update it every weekend!

    Well it's not about getting it out of your head but more like giving it a place in your head.

    And yeah man, it's fucking hard! But it only holds you back. Over the years I heard multiple times from my shrinks, doctor, other people to let the past go.

    I also always was like, yeah right, how? It's not a fucking switch I can turn on.

    My childhood, homelessness, addictions, failed ventures etc and the realization I'm now close to 40 and will never get that time back and I have less time to achieve greatness, one of the big reasons I drank, sooth the pain but sooner or later you have to deal with it.

    For me that time is now, I let my past hold me back for too long, dealing it all sober absolute fucking sucks but it has to be done!

    So for you, you will have to face the pain too one day if you can't yet you have two options, either force yourself to deal with it or let it come to when you hit rock bottom, the third option is not an option at least not for me ;)

    Took me almost 2 decades to get to that point so realizing you need to change shit is a good step already man!

    I doubt I will make it another 40 years but yeah, it's not time yet!

    Check on taking it one day at a time.

    This also could be a lesson, the lesson is, don't let your life spiral out of control like mine :D

    Cheers mate but Ive been working in a gym for years. I actually know a lot about the body, exercise and nutrition but just like the rest, I'm good at teaching, I just suck at implementing it on my self.:D

    I'll check on the book
    Good man. I used to smoke a lot of weed and cigarettes back in the day until weed made me paranoid. I've stopped smoking cigarettes for about 4 years now. You got this man.

    It amazes me how some people have so little understanding.

    First off, besides you need a prescription for anti depressants it can have many side affects and even worse withdrawals.

    Furthermore it's all artificial chemically garbage making big pharma rich.

    That's not to say that alcohol is literally poison and drugs is garbage too but anti depressants arent really better.

    And to understand how one gets addicted to alcohol or drugs is simple, it releases mass amounts of dopamine's, it's easy to come by and the obvious one, it's addictive.

    To understand addiction fully you would have to been an addict yourself before you can pass judgement ;)

    That being said, don't think you're safe of getting addicted to alcohol or drugs because there are thousands of reasons that can lead to that path and it has been happening in all layers of society.

    Anyway, as you could read, I'm trying to change those ways, no alcohol, no garbage meds, peace out :D

    Ah really? That's great to hear!! Made my day even better, thanks.
     
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  19. Universe0

    Universe0 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    I cured my depression by quitting sugar and processed food and with lots of work out.

    If you try these few simple changes i am sure that over time you will see tremendous positive changes in your life.

    I really wish you all the best and remember that talking and sharing your thoughts and feelings with other people really helps :)
     
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  20. Yellowcrow

    Yellowcrow Junior Member

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    I'll try explain it this way.
    Drugs & alcohol make you numb.Your thoughts becomes easier to take.
    Anti-depressants make you happy forcefully.The things still exist to be thought about with full awareness.Its like you want to vomit but can't?Thats my personal opinion.Eveyone has different experiences.For some it has worked out really well.:)
     
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