I've been meditating for years and I ain't got shit to show for it.

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by pewep, May 14, 2018.

  1. pewep

    pewep Power Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    3,033
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Yogi-In-Training
    Location:
    U.S.
    Nothing.
    Nada.
    Zip.
    Zilch.
    Zippopotamus.
    ZERO

    I'm just fucking tired of fighting these self created, self sustained demons. To be honest I've been feeling kind of a "burnout" and I haven't been putting in the hours of practice like I used to. Actually sometimes I go for weeks without meditating. Christ, these days I'm happy if I do 2 hrs when I used to do 6-10 easily without breaking a sweat. What the fuck happened to me?

    1. I don't feel like my concentration has improved at all after all these years and ungodly hours AND HOURS of meditating. I can't seem to hold crystal clear emptiness, perfect tranquility for any longer than I used to. I can't seem to clear my head.

    2. I don't feel like my powers have grown enough to justify the amount of time I've spent.

    3. Last but not least...actually the most important point - I don't feel like I've become a better person. A better human being. A good man. An open, kind, forgiving, humble, patient, mature, respectful, confident Man.

    All I feel is lust, greed, arrogance, scorn..and rage. Hot rage. Simmering anger. Always beneath the surface, lurking like a hungry ghost waiting for the next opportunity to feed and grow, rage haunts me. I've just become a hardened, jaded, cold hearted asshole. Little, tiny insignificant squabbles from years ago with people whose names I don't even remember still piss me off - or on the opposite end, my past mistakes fill me with self loathing anxiety. Why?

    Because I'm not the best pewep. It is entirely within my physical ability to be a real yogi - but I'm too weak. So, so weak. I honestly wish I could be the best version of myself. I wish I could somehow control my sexual urges or just relax...but my subconscious, the undefeated champion of my mind, going on 103434-0, knows how to fucking break me. It has won 100% of the time by bringing up my insecurities with women, intimacy, business, how my personal life is stagnating because I'm trying my best to just fucking finish 400 goddamn days of celibacy.....but I can't seem to find it in me.

    You know what it reminds me of? That episode in aqua teen hunger force where the little bits of meatwad are trying to count down from 3 million, but they are hopelessly stupid, keep forgetting where they are, why they are doing what they are doing and have to start over.

    Mother of fucking God....

    I am meatwad.

    And like my dear, single minded meatwad, all I know is one thing: this is what I want. More than anything else in life or death, THIS is exactly what I want. Somehow, some way, no matter how narrow the path may be, no matter how many times I fall, I'll just keep pushing.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
    Last edited: May 14, 2018
  2. jayvab

    jayvab Newbie

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2016
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    i just fall asleep whenever i try to meditate.
     
  3. davids355

    davids355 Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2011
    Messages:
    13,045
    Likes Received:
    11,093
    Stop looking for the answer and only then will you find it.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 6
  4. bartosimpsonio

    bartosimpsonio Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2013
    Messages:
    14,478
    Likes Received:
    12,946
    Occupation:
    MACHIN LURNIN
    Location:
    TUVALU
    Home Page:
    I once heard of a monk who went to the top of a hill and meditated for 30 years. When he climbed down he was 30 years older.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 21
  5. Neuros

    Neuros Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2016
    Messages:
    248
    Likes Received:
    110
    You need to remove the balls first, only then you can start to feel the meditation results
     
  6. youbike

    youbike Registered Member

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2016
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    20
    Occupation:
    watching movies
    excellent meditation
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 3
  7. BassTrackerBoats

    BassTrackerBoats Super Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2010
    Messages:
    22,261
    Likes Received:
    40,580
    Occupation:
    Generic Human Being
    Location:
    As Close to Heaven as One Can Get!
    Home Page:
    Pics or it didn't happen.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 9
  8. Soucha

    Soucha Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2017
    Messages:
    362
    Likes Received:
    192
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    E-Commerce Slave
    Location:
    Stuck in the USA
    Any 'psychic powers' gained through meditation are outside of the real goal of it my friend.
    They should be considered mere distractions.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  9. pewep

    pewep Power Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    3,033
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Yogi-In-Training
    Location:
    U.S.
    Well, you should try sitting postures like the half lotus, etc... because they put enough of a strain on your body that you won't feel any temptation to sleep. It works well :).
    Hahah, thanks for the pick me up :p
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 3
  10. seoxz

    seoxz Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2014
    Messages:
    546
    Likes Received:
    115
    I. Might have some music that should tune up your emotions.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  11. pewep

    pewep Power Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    3,033
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Yogi-In-Training
    Location:
    U.S.
    Sure, feel free to post or pm me.
    I appreciate these two posts. I think I just got side tracked. I'll try to just live day by day - and make the most of each moment. :)
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  12. davids355

    davids355 Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2011
    Messages:
    13,045
    Likes Received:
    11,093
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift - that’s why they call it the present.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 5
  13. bartosimpsonio

    bartosimpsonio Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2013
    Messages:
    14,478
    Likes Received:
    12,946
    Occupation:
    MACHIN LURNIN
    Location:
    TUVALU
    Home Page:
    Here he is just before he went uphill:

    150_1520632161.jpg

    After returning:

    return.jpeg
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 4
  14. WizGizmo

    WizGizmo Super Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP Premium Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2008
    Messages:
    4,493
    Likes Received:
    56,771
    Gender:
    Male
    There is only one thing you have to do to achieve enlightenment: Give up your suffering.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 3
  15. pewep

    pewep Power Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    3,033
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Yogi-In-Training
    Location:
    U.S.
    Homie here literally searched for "evil wizard" on google and pasted the first image of skeletor he came across.

    *sniff* is that what you think of me???
     
  16. Neon

    Neon Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2013
    Messages:
    3,661
    Likes Received:
    9,306
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Berlin
    @pewep sir I want to touch your melons.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 9
  17. bartosimpsonio

    bartosimpsonio Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2013
    Messages:
    14,478
    Likes Received:
    12,946
    Occupation:
    MACHIN LURNIN
    Location:
    TUVALU
    Home Page:
    That's not Skeletor
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  18. pewep

    pewep Power Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    662
    Likes Received:
    3,033
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Yogi-In-Training
    Location:
    U.S.
    They say that suffering comes from attachment, that our desires lead us to suffering. Maybe, man. Maybe not, after all, not all suffering is equal.

    I WANT to be better than I am. I want to be good. I want to be wise, and I want to be strong. If this inferno that painfully consumes all that is evil within is not worth living, what is?
     
  19. bigvision

    bigvision Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2017
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    91
    Home Page:
    @pewep the only thing that matters is the great work
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  20. WizGizmo

    WizGizmo Super Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP Premium Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2008
    Messages:
    4,493
    Likes Received:
    56,771
    Gender:
    Male
    Stop wanting . . . Become who you are - There are no guarantees.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2