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I'm in danger of losing my farm

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Joe Helpful, May 3, 2017.

  1. Joe Helpful

    Joe Helpful Newbie

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    Bad news, strangers of the forum. A new supermarket opened up close to my family’s farm, and we are no longer making any profits.

    I’m worried that it may not be long before we can no longer support ourselves. At this rate, I won’t be able to pay Dave (my scribe) very soon.

    Just when I thought that things couldn’t get worse, our best goat chewed through one of our fences and escaped. Now our greatest source of income is gone!

    I’ve been at a loss for days. I considered asking if anyone could invest on BHW, but Dave says that this is against the rules and I would get an infraction.

    But I am resourceful, and I will try to pull through. I’ve decided that the best thing to do will be to focus on our farm’s second most lucrative produce: lemons. We have many lemon trees that are much nicer than anything you can get in a supermarket. The only problem is that we aren’t promoting them enough.

    Dave came up with the incredible idea to build a new website specifically for promoting our lemons! I said that it was a brilliant idea.
    Of course, I can’t be too involved in the process due to my Amish beliefs, so he’s been overseeing the design process.

    I’m very impressed with Dave, honestly. He’s had a lot of inventive suggestions! For one, he said that he thought it was important to give the website a fun, celebratory vibe.

    You could call it a party of lemons, in other words.

    I’m obviously putting a lot faith in Dave’s abilities, but I have confidence in him pulling through.

    Thank you for reading, and God bless.
     
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  2. sturose

    sturose Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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  3. blogzandstuff

    blogzandstuff Elite Member

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    Bit ironic your username
     
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  4. Joe Helpful

    Joe Helpful Newbie

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    Sorry, Dave has really bad eyesight and he says he can't read the text in that image.

    Irony is another word for lying, and lying is sinful.
     
  5. datsunguy

    datsunguy Supreme Member

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    I know of a similar website who also sell lemons, its called Lemonparty.com
    you should check it out for more info.
     
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  6. Joe Helpful

    Joe Helpful Newbie

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    Thank you for mentioning this website! Dave says it was his source of inspiration.

    I'm trying to limit my access to the internet whenever I can to reduce my chance of becoming corrupted, so I cannot view that website, unfortunately. I am, however, confident that it is appropriately similar and have asked Dave to be as much like it as possible! God bless!
     
  7. savobaby

    savobaby Regular Member

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    this reply just proves you're up to something fishy, that website features girls pissing each others mouths, so if that's "daves" inspiration, you've sinned and are going to hell with the goat too!
     
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  8. Joe Helpful

    Joe Helpful Newbie

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    I can't believe you would even speak such vile, cruel words to me! Dave would never do that!
     
  9. savobaby

    savobaby Regular Member

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    I honestly hope you get banned because this is so pointless and made up
     
  10. BassTrackerBoats

    BassTrackerBoats Super Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    If you put used coffee grinds around those lemon trees they will do even better.

    I do that for our rose bushes and azaleas and people think I am some sort of rose bush/azalea bush guru.
     
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  11. MisterF

    MisterF Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Forget milking the goat, what you need to do is milk Dave and get it on webcam.
    Watch those millions roll in.
     
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  12. RightFootFanatic

    RightFootFanatic Regular Member

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    I second that, I pour the left over coffee on all plants in the office. They grow so nicely.

    Also OP beware of the Lemon Stealing Whores - better google it to be prepared
     
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  13. jemari

    jemari Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    say hi to dave for me.
     
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  14. Joe Helpful

    Joe Helpful Newbie

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    Is the idea of an Amish person using a scribe to access a forum on the internet to learn about internet marketing and SEO really so ridiculous?

    That's a really nice suggestion, thank you!

    I'll have Dave get on that right away!
     
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  15. Elin Dotsya

    Elin Dotsya Junior Member

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    Should have gotten married, OP. It guarantees that you'll keep the farm.


    You had one job...


    Real farming is nowhere near this fun :(
     
  16. jazzc

    jazzc Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    You didn't know that there exists an "adopt an olive tree" niche, did you?

    https://www.nudoadopt.com

    Try "adopt a lemon tree - free photo of my ex-goat".
     
  17. stewmath

    stewmath Regular Member

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    You should chop dave up and sell his organs to science. Any left over meat you can sell at market
     
  18. datsunguy

    datsunguy Supreme Member

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    Instead of killing dave, sell off his services from the side of the road by your little shop.
    you could become what they call a pimp, an amish pimp if you will like this fine god-fearing gentleman.
    [​IMG]
     
  19. Mrkoco

    Mrkoco Power Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  20. Red Soviet

    Red Soviet Newbie

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    Dmitri had scribe once upon time.

    It was bad infection.
     
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