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I'm getting a divorce :( But now I'm more motivated than ever :)

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by paymymortgage4me, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. paymymortgage4me

    paymymortgage4me Junior Member

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    My wife of almost 11 years recently told me she thinks of me as her best friend, but she doesn't love me as a husband anymore. I would do anything to save this marriage, but she doesn't want to try anything. She's refusing counseling. She says she's felt this way for a few years but she's been hoping it would pass. It hasn't, so now she's just done. Honestly, at this point I'm done also. I'm done trying to convince her to work on it. I'm giving in. Time to move on.

    We have three children together, 8 years old and 4 year old twins. This is going to devastate them, but I know they'll be ok in the long run.

    There's no fighting or tension between us. We will probably always be good friends. We both agree that the children will always come first.

    I've already been taking steps to protect myself and my rights as a father. I've told her that I'm not moving out. She can if she wants to. We've already agreed to joint custody. She doesn't want any child support or alimony. She knows I'll always take care of my children. And I will. They come first, always. I've also told her that as part of the divorce, I want it in writing that neither one of us can move out of state with the children unless the other one agrees to it.

    In the beginning, she promised me there wasn't another man. One day I noticed Yahoo IM on the computer, I knew right away what that meant. I did some digging and found the logs to her chats. But I didn't confront her. I did some other stuff and got more proof.

    The craziest thing is, the guy she's been chatting with lives in the UK. We live in the USA. When i finally confronted her, I basically told her how stupid this relationship they've been having is. She's got a family here, he has a son there. Why bother continuing. I made it very clear to her that if she ever wanted to move there, the kids wouldn't be coming with her.

    I don't want to screw her over. I'm not that type of guy. Shes in my life forever because of the kids, so we might as well get along.

    But now I'm more motivated than ever to succeed online. I want to make enough money to quit my job and do this full-time. I want to make enough money to take the kids on vacations. I want her and her pathetic loser boyfriend to realize what she gave up!

    So instead of continuing to let this get me down, it's time I let this empower me!
     
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    Last edited: Jan 19, 2011
  2. mudbutt

    mudbutt Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I love your outlook on the situation. I hope you get where you wanna go!
     
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  3. peter73

    peter73 Regular Member

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    Now that's a REAL man right there. +1 to you mate and good luck with your life and online ventures.
     
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  4. Monrox

    Monrox Power Member

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    If you want a heartless but useful advice, prepare to ruin her. Don't do it, just be ready. Consult a lawyer for ways to be able to discredit her later in front of a judge. She may be saying she wouldn't take away the kids but that's not how mothers work. On the other hand she is breaking up her family for some flirt so I guess the children would be better of with you. The joint custody and no alimony... is it official or is it a matter of a 'serious talk' across the kitchen table?

    Also, she just might be doing the same thing as I am typing this. Divorces are often messy and always dirtier than both parties hoped for.
     
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  5. craigslistguy

    craigslistguy Regular Member

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    I wonder how many nuts the good ole chap made her bust over the phone for her to do that...















    lol im jk.....thats horrible
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2011
  6. Kosher1

    Kosher1 Power Member

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    Man, so sad...i mean nothing you can do, it is just so sad that women fall for this kind of crap. You will find this funny, but I took the computer out of my home about 3 years ago, i mean i had a computer since i was 9 years old (Commodore 64) so you can guess my age. I had a famous BBS at the time.. anyhow, i no longer have a PC at home, i use my iphone, and that is it, no one, not the wife, not the kids...... again, if someone wants to do something they do it.... but man, with a wife like that, you can do much better... i agree, the kids man, the kids, that will hurt the most..... and in the long run, it will ONLY be "OK" if you get them continous counseling, so they clearly understand at their level....... i am seen too many kids messed up.... you will have to give them SO MUCH more time and love, but DO IT man!!!!! Get her out of your life, and FOCUS forward...... everything happens for a reason!
     
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  7. Kosher1

    Kosher1 Power Member

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    .....wait another thought came to me..... maybe she is a eWhore and just making money off that UK guy, she made so much money she is not telling yOU?
     
  8. Virus1

    Virus1 Supreme Member

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    First of all... go back and edit out that part where you stated that you installed that software on your computer.....


    and do nothing that would violate her privacy.

    Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

    Good Luck....
     
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  9. hslambo23

    hslambo23 Newbie

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    Dont quit your job just yet, as Monrox quoted above you might need lawyers so be prepared just on the safe side, therefore, without a job can be used against you. Other then that, your attitude is awesome. Majority of the people would be brought down but you are motivated probably more then ever which in my bet would be, you will succeed in both online and making her regret of what she gave up...Good luck
     
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  10. paymymortgage4me

    paymymortgage4me Junior Member

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    LOL, I've thought the same thing!

    So far, talk about child support and alimony has only been talk. We are just starting the formal divorce. I'm trying to hurry things along so I can get everything in writing before she changes her mind. I will always support my children, they are my life. My dad walked out of my life when I was young, I don't remember anything about him. I will not become that person to my children. But I don't want to be forced into paying child support. I want to know that the money I spend on them is going to them, not to whatever she wants to spend it on.

    But I also know that'll I'll probably end up paying something, she's been a stay at home mother for 4 years. She just recently got a part time job.

    And I can't say I'm preparing to ruin her, but I am already taking steps to protect myself. Honestly, keeping my kids close to me is the most important thing to me. If she agrees to joint custody, then legally she can't move more than 60 miles away from me with the kids, without my written permission. But I still want it in writing that neither one of us can move more than 60 miles away with the kids without the other's consent.

    I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to put a hammer through my computer! And it'll be easier on the kids since we aren't fighting, and there's no tension. I honestly can see us being great friends and doing things together with the kids.
    Believe me, a few months ago I was really down. I was spiraling out of control, drinking more and stuff like that. But then I realized that I needed to be strong for the kids. Now I'm stronger than I ever was before this started. I even went out and had my kids' names tattooed on my forearm. So now whenever I start to get down, I just look at their names and remember they are what are most important.
     
  11. Execute

    Execute Supreme Member

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    brilliant attitude on life! that's the spirit!
     
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  12. bakxos

    bakxos Regular Member

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    Shit happens and sometimes quite regularly.Its nice to see you use such situations as an opportunity to become stronger. Your children should be your first priority and this should be the reason to maintain a civilised relationship with your wife.

    Good Luck:)
     
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  13. fyber_optic

    fyber_optic Junior Member

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    Divorce is the name of one effect among others of the plague we know as "Demoralization of Society". I feel sorry for you BHW comrade. She'll definitely live to regret it.

    You're nothing without your family, The world does not care of you! She'll learn this lesson well in time.
     
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  14. Bross

    Bross Senior Member

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    How old you were when you got married? (and your wife).

    Of-course you don't have to share.
     
  15. Monrox

    Monrox Power Member

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    Dude, you don't need a family to be something. We are not herd animals anymore. There is just too much to do in life and it's getting harder to find a partner with the exact same preferences. I let go of the clan mentality long time ago. Gone are the days where the village took you for a weirdo if you didn't marry or God forbid divorced. But to be happy you must be independent, and to be independent you have to always be prepared for the worst.

    Other than that, split in civilized manner and continue with your lives when possible. As to the kids it's better to have happy parents living separated , maybe each with another partner, than having to grow up in hostile surroundings with constant screaming, accusations and jealousy.
     
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  16. fyber_optic

    fyber_optic Junior Member

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    When I said, you're nothing without your family. I took "Family" as a synonym to "Love". So Yes we are nothing without our family or any other bond founded on Love.

    Lets bring in Philosophy shall we, If Family were a body then Love is the energy that causes it to motion. So without family(Love) you're truly nothing but inanimate.

    anyways the point of this thread was to sympathize with our BHW comrade here.
     
  17. paymymortgage4me

    paymymortgage4me Junior Member

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    We met and started dating when we were both 16. Got married when we were 21. We are now both 32. Yeah I know we were young, but we've always had this bond. And on some level we still do, and probably always will. I have honestly never seen two people connect as well as we have.

    I've picked myself up from the lowest point I've ever been at in my life. Now it's time to start moving on. I'm sad the marriage is over, but excited for so many things.

    This is just another phase of my life beginning. I'm looking at it as an adventure!
     
  18. Damsa

    Damsa Registered Member

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    Man, I love your fighting spirit. For that, I will take off a 30-min. break from my work and drop you a verse:

    Your ex-wife shouldn't have gone deep hearts/
    if she knew you two would end up divorced/
    You want to fist the ho but you think about the kids first/
    If I were you, I will strap up and let my tec burst

    :eek:
     
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  19. Sanitarium

    Sanitarium Regular Member

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    I guess making love to your eyes since you're read
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    just speak in a British accent if u get to bang her another time, then she will be like "omg babe i didn't think you could do that, im staying!"

    but seriously good luck because what you are dealing with is no fun.
     
  20. Tamra

    Tamra Junior Member

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    So sorry to hear about your loss.:( Stay strong!

    As a woman, when a woman with three kids under the age of ten leaves
    her husband...there's another man. Almost always...unless the husband is
    a complete d*ckhead.

    Also, be prepared for her to change her mind about moving to the UK. I'm not
    saying that she will definitely change her mind, but I wouldn't be surprised.