1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

If you need a good laugh ! here you go

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by d4l1t0s, Jul 19, 2012.

  1. d4l1t0s

    d4l1t0s Power Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2009
    Messages:
    560
    Likes Received:
    290
    Occupation:
    Money Maker
    Location:
    Montreal
    Original ad:
    Attention all ice skaters and hockey players! Volunteers needed to train children participating in the Special Olympics hockey team. Anyone with adequate skating skill can be used to help teach our athletes to skate. Please call 410-***-**** or respond to the email address above.
    Judy

    From Me to ************@**********.org

    Judy,

    I am writing in response to your ad regarding helping children learn to skate.

    I was a legend in minor league hockey until my career was cut short by a career ending injury. I still love the game of hockey though and would love to pass on my skills to your wonderful children. I look forward to hearing from you.

    Mike

    From Judy ******* to Me:

    Mike,

    I am sorry to hear about your injury. That is very unfortunate. Are you still able to skate? I only ask because we need someone to skate one-on-one with the children.

    Judy

    From Me to Judy *******:

    Oh yes, I am still able to skate. I think you misunderstood me. My career was cut short because I was banned after causing another player to have a career ending injury. It was an unfortunate accident, but the league came down extremely hard on me. It really wasn't fair, if you ask me.

    Mike

    From Judy ******* to Me:

    Yikes! What were the circumstances of the ban/injury, if you don't mind me asking?

    From Me to Judy *******:

    Not at all. It really wasn't a big deal. The guy was fine, but everyone turned it into this huge ordeal. During a fight, I broke his eye socket, fish-hooked his cheek apart and slashed his achilles tendon with my skate. He also suffered brain damage from blood loss, but that is more the paramedics fault than mine for letting him bleed out for so long. Looks like the only sport he'll be playing now is "shitting in a bag" (heh heh). Anyway, the pussies at the commissioner's office considered it "gross misconduct" and "assault" and gave me a lifetime ban. Can you believe that? I thought this was supposed to be hockey!

    So like I said, I was a legend in minor league hockey. My nickname used to be "Murderin' Mike" (don't worry, I never actually murdered anyone. It was just a cute nickname). I won more fights than everyone else in the division combined. In fact, I've only ever lost one fight on the ice. But I won the rematch in the parking lot (thank you, tire iron!) I know everything there is to know about fighting and would love to pass on my skills to your kids. If you want them to be the best damn hockey fighters in the special olympics, I am your guy. With my training, the other teams won't stand a chance. The ice will be stained with their blood, teeth, and broken dreams.

    I am currently in between jobs so I can dedicate a lot of time to helping out.

    Best,

    Murderin' Mike

    From Judy ******* to Me:

    What do you think this is? The Special Dlympics are for the mentally handicapped. You know that, right? What you described is brutally violent and has no place in the Special Olympics. Frankly I think you deserve to be in jail. Thank you and goodbye.

    From Me to Judy *******:

    Whoa there. Don't be so dismissive! Do you even know anything about hockey? It sounds to me like you think hockey is just soccer on ice. Well I've got news for you, Judy, you couldn't be more wrong. In hockey, we don't fake injuries and have to miss half the season due to a pulled vagina muscle. We fight it out like men. Fighting is what hockey is all about. It is a tradition that dates back to the first hockey game ever played. If you want your kids to learn how to play hockey, they are going to have to learn how to fight.

    I'll teach your kids how get away with everything without the referee seeing it. I'll show them how to make butt-ending, head checking, slashing and tripping look like an accident. They'll learn how to fight like hockey players. I have a whole set of moves I like to use during fights. My personal favorite is the "bowling ball", where you gouge both of the opponent's eyes and then jam your thumb into the roof of their mouth. I used that during a fight once and the guy actually started convulsing! It struck fear into the heart of the other team and we ended up winning the game.

    With my expert training, your team will be the most feared team in the entire special olympics. Please reconsider hiring me.

    Mike

    From Judy ******* to Me:

    You aren't coming anywhere near these children. Your attitude towards this whole thing is disgusting. Its absolutely disturbing that you find this kind of behavior acceptable. Especially for mentally handicapped children. I don't know what kind of insane league you played in but that is not the level of intensity that's meant for these children.

    From Me to Judy *******:

    Oh, I get it. You're saying that because these kids are mentally handicapped, that they don't deserve to be treated like regular people? Instead, you want to point out their disabilities and tell them that they will never be able to play hockey like normal people. When I saw in your ad that the kids were mentally challenged, I wasn't fazed. I didn't see kids with disabilities, I saw kids that I could turn into great hockey players. Do you not want them to be able to play hockey like everybody else plays it?

    Mike

    From Judy ******* to Me:

    Give me a freaking break. You know that isn't what I meant. Don't pull that card on me. You expect me to believe that a violent psychopath like you genuinely wants to help the mentally challenged play hockey? Yeah, right! You don't give a damn about these children.

    From Me to Judy *******:

    Judy,

    I am starting to think that you are the problem with this team, not the kids. You do not have the right attitude to be working with these kids. If you want to tell these kids that they shouldn't learn hockey the right way because they are mentally challenged, then that is just sad. It is a shame that you are taking away the joy of competitive sports from these kids. Competitive sports are great for kids - it keeps them from turning to drugs and violence in the streets.

    Can I please talk to your supervisor? I would like to take your position and suggest that you be fired. You clearly do not have the right attitude to be helping mentally challenged kids.

    Sincerely looking forward to taking your job,

    Mike

    From Judy ******* to Me:

    Sure - her number is 1-800-GOTO-HELL

    Sincerely done talking to you,

    Judy

    442 comments | Add Comment
    Comanche Quest
    Posted at: 2011-09-01 12:41:18 | 787 comments | Add Comment
    Original ad:
    looking for a jeep comanche. must be running and in good condition. can pay up to $500. offers for other trucks will be ignored.

    From Mike Partlow to *********@*********.org:

    Hey, I couldn't help but notice your ad looking for a Comanche. I don't have one, but seeing as it is such a rare car I figured I'd help you out and put you in touch with a friend of mine who is selling his. Would you like his contact information?

    Mike

    From Joel ******* to Mike Partlow:

    yeah that would be great thanks

    From Mike Partlow to Joel *******:

    Okay, it is ***********@gmail.com. Just tell him Mike sent ya.

    Mike

    From Joel ******* to Mike Partlow:

    ok thanks


    From Joel ******* to Leo D:

    hey there your friend mike told me that you were interested in selling your jeep comanche?

    From Leo D to Joel *******:

    Ugh...freaking Mike. I'm sorry. Mike is an idiot. I told him that I knew a guy selling a Comanche. I'm not selling one. If you want I can have that guy contact you. I'll give his email address: *******@yahoo.com

    Sorry about that.

    Leo

    From Joel ******* to Leo D:

    okay...



    From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

    hey your friend leo told me you were selling a comanche?

    From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Ah, Leo! I haven't talked to him in forever! How's he doing?

    From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

    i dunno. i just met him online

    From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Do me a favor, will ya? Tell Leo that Chris asked how he's doing?

    From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

    are you selling a jeep comanche?

    From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

    What did Leo say?

    From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

    he said he is good

    From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Great! Anyway, I'm not selling the Comanche, my brother is. Can I give him your email address so he can get in touch with you? His name is Randy.

    From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

    oh god dammit. fine give him my email

    From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Will do!

    From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Hey, I just talked to Leo. He said you didn't tell him I asked how he was doing! Why did you lie to me?

    From Joel ******* to Chris Vandrell:

    look i dont give a FUCK man i just want to buy a fuckin comanche and you keep dicking me around. who gives a fuck how hes doing if you were talking to him then why the fuck didnt you just fucking ask him? for christ's sake just fucking put me through to the guy selling the comanche already

    From Chris Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Calm down, son. No need to get your panties in a bunch. I just got off the phone with Randy and he is going to email you shortly.



    From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Hello! Is this Joe?

    From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

    no my name is joel

    From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Oh, my mistake. I must have misheard Chris. I couldn't really hear him over the phone. He is using one of those new "smart phones" but personally I think they sound terrible. You won't find me using one of those, no sir. My good-ol-fashioned land line phone will do me just fine. Everyone always tells me I sound very clear on my phone, they ask me "Randy, how do you sound so crisp and clear on your phone?" and I tell them "I'm using a land line! If you want to sound clear, take your cell phone and throw it in the trash!" This new technology is a load of garbage if you ask me. You don't use a cell phone, do ya Joe? I wouldn't if I were you. Anyway, I just got off the phone with Chris. He tells me you are interested in buying my Jeep Cherokee?

    From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

    no a jeep COMANCHE. please tell me you have a comanche not a fuckign cherokee

    From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Ah, the Jeep Comanche! A fine vehicle. Mine was a 1994, had a lot of good times in that truck. Once I drove that truck all the way to Newark! Couldn't believe it made it, but that truck was one tough son-of-a-bitch. It was a long trip but I just popped in my Johnny Cash cassette tapes and I was set for the whole ride. Do you listen to Johnny Cash? Great man, he was. Anyway, the Comanche. I was selling that, yes. Unfortunately, I sold it to a guy about a month ago. Real nice guy who bought it, I'm trying to remember his name. I remember thinking it was Mike but it wasn't Mike. It was something foreign...I'm leaning towards "Mikel."

    From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

    i dont give a fuck what his name is asshole. what the FUCK you fucking idiots just wasted my fucking time for nothing

    From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Boy, Chris was right when he said you were an angry lad. Relax, I've got some good news for you. Mikel loved the Comanche, but he has to move far away and is unable to take the truck with him. Therefore he is trying to sell the truck. He tried to sell it back to me for 500 bucks, but I told him "Mikel, why in the hell would I need the Comanche? I just bought a new F150!" You should see my F150, it is really nice. Perfect for hauling my ATVs to Chris's house. Chris has a lot of property up in Hagerstown and we love to go offroading there with his pal Leo. Leo sure is a crazy son-of-a-bitch! Speaking of Leo, what's this I hear about you lying to Chris about asking Leo how he's doing? Why would you do that?

    From Joel ******* to Randy Vandrell:

    ENOUGH WITH THE RANTS JUST SHUT UP!!!!! HOLY SHIT WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!? I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANY OF YOUR SHIT ASS STORIES JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING GUY WHO IS SELLING THE COMANCHE!!! GOT THAT? NOT HIS SON, NOT HIS FUCKING BROTHER, JUST THE GUY WITH THE TRUCK. QUIT WASTING MY FUCKING TIME

    From Randy Vandrell to Joel *******:

    Jeez, you sure are an angry fella! Don't like to talk much, do ya? I understand you're just trying to buy a truck. You're all business, I respect that. You're going to want to email Mikel. I am confident he is still trying to sell the truck. You'll love it, its a real beaut. Mikel's email address is ***********@hotmail.com



    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    hey some jackass named randy told me he sold you a jeep comanche and you are looking to sell it?

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    Olen segaduses. Mida sa sellega öelda tahad? Kas te räägite eesti keeles?

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    fucking hell...ENGLISH? do you speak english?

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    American, yes?

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    yes philadelphia are you selling a jeep comanche?

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    Yes! Car sale, me to you sales of vehicle, yes?

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    yeah do you have pictures/information?

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    Yes photographs!
    PIcture of a honda civic here

    Its nice cars, yes?

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    THATS NOT A FUCKING JEEP COMANCHE RETARD

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    Oh you buys Jeep from me, yes? Comanche strongs truck! Loud! Vrrrrrrrr! Ha ha ha.

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    ha fucking ha. send me a picture of the fucking jeep

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:
    picture of the wanted car here


    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    YES that is what i want. how much are you selling it for?

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    I sells for 5800 Kroons, yes?

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    what the fuck is a kroon? how much in AMERICAN MONEY?

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    Oh no, no Americans Dollars in here Estonia. Onlys kroon. Yous comes to Estonia to buy?

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    the jeep is in fucking estonia are you shitting me? i dont even know where the fuck that is

    From Mikk Sisask to Joel *******:

    Yes, Estonia. Yous comes buy, yes?

    From Joel ******* to Mikk Sisask:

    NO! FUCK ESTONIA AND FUCK YOU!!! GODDAMMIT WHAT A WASTE OF FUCKING TIME