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I just want to die and go home

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by pewep, May 8, 2011.

  1. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    5th time this year i've woken up sobbing uncontrollably, and it always starts the same way. I'm talking to someone or i'm somewhere vast/broad and they ask me what I do I really want.

    I used to say I want love or something along those lines. Today i was talking to a monk who was in a great castle all by himself. It was under siege by some types of monsters. Anyway we were on his wooden dining table and I had some food (he did not) so I gave him some. We talked for a while about personal things in my life.

    I told him I want to be a monk some day (this is true also in real life). He gave me some advice then asked me what about being a monk would be so appealing to me?

    I immediately started thinking about god, the spirit world and this feeling grew in me. In 2 seconds it was so intense I could no longer speak to the monk out of embarrassment i would break down on the spot and cry.

    The feeling was of knowing what complete ecstasy was, complete fulfillment, peace and love but to lose all that. To be torn away from the divine god. It was both the most beautiful and the most painful sensation.

    I started running around the monks castle like a crazy person crying all over haha then i woke up, sobbed a little then sobered up. I can still feel that loss. I still feel god in me but so far away (mostly my fault). I want to die but life is long and I have so much work to do before i can climb out of hell.
     
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  2. unselfishfan

    unselfishfan Registered Member

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    It is probably not time, not yet.
    While life still is,
    realize that each loss is
    preparation for dying.

    Each loss teaches us how to die,
    little by little,
    so that when the day of dying comes,
    in its own way, in its own time,
    it will be as though
    we have already learned how.

    I want to die and go home, too.
    But I want to go well.
    I want to go knowing
    that I shed my misery
    long before that day-
    with every heartbreak
    and every missed connection
    every stillborn chance
    and every love not given, or received.

    Those will be waiting for me, at home,
    and I shall not die until due time,
    when each and every loss
    is resurrected into life
    as I hope to be myself
    one day
    in that time of going home.
     
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  3. Monrox

    Monrox Power Member

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    Increase your blood fat and you'll stop having nightmares (or whatever you might want to call THAT dream).
     
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  4. pixelgrinder

    pixelgrinder Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Smoke weed.
     
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  5. Ziloo

    Ziloo Junior Member

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    And from which online pharmacy do you buy your prescription from?
     
  6. eskimo

    eskimo Regular Member

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    monks? are you talking about world of warcraft?
    just kidding, hope you come right :)
     
  7. meaculpa

    meaculpa Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I don't understand how people still cling to this thing they call 'god'. There's not afterlife, there's no higher power. Although I do believe you have the right to believe in whatever the hell you like, don't speak about wanting to die, just to be with this so called god. However shitty your life is, or however much you feel connected to 'god', why the fuck would you let it control your life?

    Christ...

    @eskimo, there's no monks in WoW xP
     
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  8. zerocoolflo

    zerocoolflo Regular Member

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    Die and go home?

    Dude, you seriously have 2 options:
    1.Visit a psychiatrist
    2.Go the china and become a uber jujitsu monk

    I would go with the option 2...
     
  9. Imhotep

    Imhotep Regular Member

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    If politics ain't allowed here than this shite shouldn't be allowed either. The shear insanity of the OP is scary. Probably some stupid poem or something from the mind of an alcoholic who "needs" a father figure, so seeks in in this "God" creature.

    :baby09:
     
  10. professional20

    professional20 Power Member

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    Afghan Kush. Try it, conversions are great! :)
     
  11. wannabie

    wannabie Elite Member

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    Have you read the post? I would say antipsychotics or a good nights sleep
     
  12. reinie

    reinie Elite Member

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    No Politics or religion guys...come on... I get offended by the replies, and other get offended by the Op. Its not allowed here, so quit
     
  13. JesusBack

    JesusBack Executive VIP Premium Member

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    I doubt he's doing weed I was thinking more along the lines of elephant tranquilizer or something.
     
  14. Autumn

    Autumn Elite Member

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    OMG it's Jesus! He heard that there was someone in need and he answered!
     
  15. billu512

    billu512 Power Member

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    wtf am i dreaming or did someone really made this thread :O
     
  16. Scococo

    Scococo Registered Member

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    Troll
     
  17. zmoney

    zmoney Senior Member

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    I think someone slipped you a roofie, your as s hurt?
     
  18. bdmedia

    bdmedia Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    death is easy, life is hard. Dont take the easy way out in life. read the book "the science of self-realization". Should help you out alot.
     
  19. bdmedia

    bdmedia Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Religion discussion isnt allowed here & that's a very ignorant comment.
     
  20. proxygo

    proxygo Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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