1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I Found this looking for a cookie stuffing script funny!!(might help YOU)

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by dumdum4gumgum, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. dumdum4gumgum

    dumdum4gumgum Power Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2008
    Messages:
    590
    Likes Received:
    343
    Occupation:
    cet, networking,grool,c++
    Location:
    In my world
    Home Page:
    I Thought this might help some people It changed my life :p
    MY wife says thank you to whoever wrote this

    Ass cleaning tips


    I have mastered the art of cleaning my stool hall and I want to share it with you losers who simply lather your wash cloth with some soap and do a quick reach around..THAT WILL NOT CLEAN YOUR ASS!!!! You need to spend at least 5 minutes in that area to have maximun cleanage. How would you feel if you were a girl/guy and while you were licking some guys sausage you get a nice whiff of some anal grease and dingleberries from a soft textured turd that required about 12 wipes in the public restroom? You think it's clean but it is NOT!!! Here are some tips:

    Tip 1: After dropping the fecal children off at the pool, you can either use some babywipes (my personal favorite) or you can use a technique I learned from an ex-girlfriend of mine, you wet the toilet paper and proceed to wipe front-to-back, NOT back-to-front. You risk sliding some of the grease beneath your ball sack which creates another problem. This only applies to those who do not get what is called a perfect excrement session aka.."A Clean Break" to where the ca-ca breaks off completely and all you have to do is wipe the water off your gluteus after the initial plop.

    Tip 2: Shave the hair off around your rectal, nuts and butt crack. This is just common knowledge, if you dont you risk piling up a weeks worth of dingleberries and in rare occasions, creation of shit dreadlocks to where the ca-ca firmly laminates itself to the ass hair and it twists together as you walk. This is more likely to happen to those who wear boxers because of the free "airflow" and those who dont shower often because you give the poop time to dry up like cement.

    Tip 3: Jump into a public pool or spa. This is just as effective as a shower or even better because you get maximum "soakage" and it requires less work such and combats lazy reach arounds in the shower. Believe it or not, that is the only useful purpose for public pools, I think of them as gigantic bathtubs that goggle up loose ass hairs, dingleberries and makes a great place to take a quick pee. If I find myself in that situation, I just jump in the pool on one end, pee then swim to the other end, do a couple quick 360's under water then jump out the shallow side and dry off.

    Tip 4: Go to the beach and be a good samaritan, jump into the ocean and "feed the fish", fish LOVE dung, I have 2 goldfish and they are always sucking eachothers doo-doo holes. Get a nice, salty ass treatment. For those of you who gets bumps after shaving your pubes or ass, this is a great to dry those up. Just simply go out past the waves a bit, however, dont be too obvious if you are going to release some bait into the ocean. Flop around a bit, move around because if you sit still people will become suspicious and besides the poop might float up to the surface quickly. Fish will love you for it!

    Tip 5: Woman love to get manicures and pedicures, I call this the "assicure" It has a meaningful name Ass I Cure, it's self explanitory..yes, it is up to you to cure that hideous ass smell and here is how you do it in the shower. Pamper yourself, get the water luke warm and try to get the shower nozzle to propel the water quickly. Begin by turning in the opposite direction of the shower, about 180 degrees to where the nozzle in shooting directly down your ass crack. Position yourself at a 90 degree angle, butt up nice and high, reach around and spread your butt cheeks and let the water do its magic. The object is to really clean out the crevices of your brown eye, wedged up about a 1/4 inch of the butthole is some fecal matter that masks itself like a bat in a cave. This will allow the water to loosen it up for the wash cloth lathering. The next step is to lather your wash cloth with some bodywash or soap bar. Reach around and scrub it good, go ahead and wrap the towel around a finger of choice (i use my middle finger) and put that finger up your asshole and move it around in a circular motion. Go ahead and scrub nice and good up the butt crack to make sure you get all the grease. After you are done, rinse well then repeat step 1.

    ADDITIONAL NOTE: Putting your finger in your ass doesnt make you gay, it might burn a bit. For those guys who insist on having anal sex with their girlfriends all the time, if you think one finger hurts, go ahead and use two fingers and see how it feels. It feels like a massive shit you take in the morning after a night of drinking and eating the 4 slices of jalepeno pepper pizza.

    That is all for now party people, hope this hass been insightful. I would love some feedback from possible success stories.

    Please read some of them now.

    " I would like to thank you for your ass cleaning tips, it has changed my life. My g/f is giving me head all day and night"

    "Wow, my ass has never been cleaner. I feel more confident and got my dream job"

    "I love to feed the fish, thanks Rick...my ass used to be filled with pimples and anal grease but now my ass is as smooth as a babies bottom, I feel like a kid again, thanks"

    " I used to mask my ass smell with cologne and other junk, I have tried so many other techniques but yours is by far the best. I am now engaged to a playboy model"

    Siskel & Roeper give it "Two middle fingers up"

    P.S. I AM OFFERING FREE SERVICE TO LADIES WHO WANT TO GIVE ME HEAD JUST TO SEE HOW A PROFESSIONAL COLON CLEANSING SHOULD BE LIKE
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  2. carryout

    carryout Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2008
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    34
    Occupation:
    Student @ UND
    Location:
    Midwest
    thats sick as hell dude.............
     
  3. Longover

    Longover Power Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2008
    Messages:
    658
    Likes Received:
    347
    wtf man. This is awesome!
     
  4. lewi

    lewi Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2008
    Messages:
    2,309
    Likes Received:
    818
  5. nonchessguy

    nonchessguy Registered Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2008
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    24
    I do a lot of that but I stop short of shitting the sea or using a soapy dildo to clean the hard to reach areas. Oh, wait...that wasn't one of the tips, was it?
     
  6. Grizzy

    Grizzy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2008
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    999
    I smell a very profitable ebook coming... wait that's my shitty ass!
     
  7. ddf1980

    ddf1980 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    51
    This was hilarious...ahhhh the good ol internet.
     
  8. 19w08

    19w08 Guest

    So what you are trying to say is that i still can put my finger up my ass at the public pool right?
     
  9. dumdum4gumgum

    dumdum4gumgum Power Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2008
    Messages:
    590
    Likes Received:
    343
    Occupation:
    cet, networking,grool,c++
    Location:
    In my world
    Home Page:
    Thought you guys would like it i cracked up reading the whole thing. if you really want to see how i stumbled accross this looking going to get more info to buy a script and it redircted to me this

    Code:
    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/htf/755891987.html
     
  10. mic141414

    mic141414 Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2008
    Messages:
    344
    Likes Received:
    117
    Location:
    USA
    Home Page:
    LOL ..so funny ..thanks way to start my saturday with a good mood :)
     
  11. xbox360gurl70s

    xbox360gurl70s Elite Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2008
    Messages:
    1,532
    Likes Received:
    349
    Location:
    In your wet dreams
    SICK................I am now officially scared at the people who stays at craigslist........LOL
     
  12. goldstrike4u

    goldstrike4u Junior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2007
    Messages:
    189
    Likes Received:
    124
    And someone actually had to sit and type all that?? - that sure is dedication to letting people know about his pioneering ass cleaning techniques!