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I Came To BHW For All The Wrong Reasons

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Elin Dotsya, Jul 16, 2017.

  1. Elin Dotsya

    Elin Dotsya Junior Member

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    I'm sure many people have wanted to work in the office, under the comfort of an air conditioner. Well, 8 hours of creative work vs 8 hours of manual labor, which is more challenging? The reality is that office work it's no less challenging than working on the field all day. I have done both. It's easy to think to yourself, "Meh, these lazy office workers can't handle writing a few [dozen] papers per day. I'd gladly give up work under the sun, just to sit all day and write some crap."


    Mental Stress Is Exhausting In All Areas

    I think by the end of the day, working outside mainly tires me out physically, which could even help me fall asleep quicker. Doing IM all day has a large strain on the mind. By the end of the day, your head is spinning and you can't even relax after work. I think it's better to take 10 minute breaks every hour or so. A balance of exercise, proper nutrition and work is probably the most efficient way to do it.

    It's just... I thought I'd come here and make like 50k per month within a couple of months, but it's so much more work than that. Reality of working online really changed my perspective on a lot of things. I mostly just troll on BHW, but I can't figure shit out. My fear of rejection is so bad that I like to pretend I'm tough and show off, even though I keep failing, lol.

    Just earlier today I was taking an application exam for rev.com and noticed that transcribing a 2 and a half minute audio file tired me out so quickly. Sometimes I ask myself, "Why do I even bother?" But what else can one do?

    All I want is to succeed. But I realize that I need to take breaks. Maybe one day I'll be able to shut that voice inside my head that keeps telling me how useless I am. It's a constant struggle to not give up altogether.

    [​IMG]

    I hate, fucking HATE my stupid upbringing and constantly having to challenge the idea that money is evil. I have near anxiety attacks when I remember my judeo-christian childhood. It's so deeply ingrained that every single thing is like trying to tackle an oak tree. "It's not gonna work.", "you should just quit.", "you are just as useless as your 48 yo cousin who still lives with his parents.", "you are a poor kid from the lower class, just accept it.", etc. I want to tell that voice to shut the fuck up for good!

    I've made it a habit to be productive every day. Uploading a video to YouTube, makes me feel productive. Writing stuff, makes me feel productive. Keeping busy helps steer the thoughts from the negative. Man, I've live so long with negativity that it feels strange without it. What kind of BS is that?
     
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  2. twpro

    twpro Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    It's easy to get distracted with all the methods on BHW. Set a small budget, make a plan, and study everything you can about whatever method you are pursueing instead of jumping from method to method.

    Take a working method which isn't saturated and brainstorm how you can put your own spin on it.
     
  3. uncutu

    uncutu Supreme Member

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    Bhw doesn't cover half of what it takes to be successful. Just shares the "methods" to earn money online. Which is great. But that's only 50%. The other 50% is you/mindset.
    Self help books propelled me a past the same things you and others may struggling with. I recommend you get these books/audiobooks. If you'e still hungry for knowledge, search bhw for threads recommending books.
    Code:
    Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
    The Psychology of Achievement by Brian Tracy
    The Psychology of Success by Brian Tracy
    The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg
     
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  4. Sherbert Hoover

    Sherbert Hoover Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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  5. darulez

    darulez Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    parents divorced when I was 4.
    moved to mother.
    father gave a crap visiting me after.
    mother died when I was 18.
    I moved to father for 2 years. gave a crap as always.
    I moved out.
    he died 9 years later.

    stop bitching. at least you got parents that stress you.
     
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  6. JamaicanMoose

    JamaicanMoose Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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  7. axekicker

    axekicker Junior Member

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    it sounds like most of the cause of your stress is because you care what other people will think of you so you need to succeed. (are you asian? hahah) trust me, give zero fucks and youre done.

    my go to quote: You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do
     
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  8. randybishop

    randybishop Elite Member

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    Mr. Maladjusted, sounds like you need meds and therapy, not BHW (for now).
    Take care of yourself.
     
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  9. Vic Sage

    Vic Sage Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Keep working and you will figure it all out.

    Good luck.
     
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  10. NovaflareFX

    NovaflareFX Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Sounds like all you do is work, like me. You need to find a release, something to do (that isn't gaming) and a point to your existence.
     
  11. Sophie

    Sophie Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    It is because you were surrounded by negative people and their negative beliefs have rubbed on you. And I'm sorry to hear that it wasn't by choice too :(

    What I recommend is sticking and hanging out with more positive people with an upbeat character. You know, those flamboyant or "dare to dream" kind of people. You can also hook up with those positive networking groups in FB or somewhere and harness their energy. But beware of joining a cult though (lol).

    If you ask me, I say cut down reading shares from your Facebook friends. I mean, true, there are great shares by your peers sometimes but sometimes the news they share can just annoy you (I'm sure some of you felt this). Also, cut down reading those flame-bait comments in news section or whatsoever... I notice most keyboard warriors out there usually just piss you off and would create a sense of negativity on you/us. Don't bother arguing with them because they're stubborn to listen to other people's perspective... it's like squeezing water out of stone! And that would just irritate you more.Take note that I said "cut down" but not "avoid" because sometimes there's good, insightful views shared by others.

    And remember this - money isn't evil. However, at the same time, you don't want to be a slave to money. My brother once enlightened me about how he met girls in my age that were prostituting and working as escorts just for money. Of course, some didn't had a choice so they went into that line. But most, he knows, are doing it because it is easy money. And these girls had a hard time giving it up because of how easy and how big they can earn from each hour than in an administrative role or a manager. I remember reading a news about Japanese girls whom starred in pornographic films had a hard time going back to their 9-5 job... Unfortunately, these girls have become a slave to money. They're willing to sell their dignity (again, this excludes those whom are forced to do it). Also, think about how children would sever their ties with each other over inheritance, stories of lottery winners which ended tragically, gold diggers, and so on.

    On the other side, with money, you have many more options. Think about how rich kids have a way better life because of their rich parent's connection. Their parents can even pay for everything making their start way much easier than a person from a poor family. So if you have children one day they can have a jumpstart in their life if you're rich (but I'm not saying to buy them out in every situation... that would just create spoilt brats with no moral values). This image pretty much sums it up:

    [​IMG]

    Or read this comic: https://digitalsynopsis.com/inspiration/privileged-kids-on-a-plate-pencilsword-toby-morris/

    With money, there's power. But with money comes greed.

    I'm sure you've seen or heard of parents working so hard from their job/jobs that they miss out bonding with their children. How people would betray their friends and family just for money (out of greed). The unfortunate sight of homeless people and poor kids starving to get by and begging for change. As I came from a poor family that was nearly evicted once, I know the pains, worries, miseries that one goes through. But it is being poor that I pick up life lessons, experience, and values. I donate whenever I can, especially to the homeless (not to charity organisations though, because they would pocket most of it for their 'administrative expenses').

    I can invite you to my home and I could open a nice bottle of wine from my cabinet and we could share about an Utopian society where money isn't needed. But that's not how society works... A fresh grad can't just call his/her bank and say "money isn't the answer, man... clear off my debt, thanks.". You can't feed a starving homeless child with 'love' but you can with money - money to help him/her to buy food and maybe get a shelter. Money lets you buy things. It is a means of exchange. that's how society works. What's worst is some kids from poor family had to pick up part-time jobs which affected their studies... in turn, they graduated with an 'average' qualification. And when they follow the career path, they can't find a job with good pay at all. Some even quit school. Yes, there are some success stories there... like Howard Schultz, the founder of Starbucks, or Michael Dell who dropped out of college and found the Dell company. But come on, let's face the facts and look at the statistics... how many out of how many actually can do that? The poverty cycle continues. It is you who can break off the cycle and free your children from it. And it is you who will impart important values and such to your children.

    I'm doing pretty much well from my IM that I can live comfortably... so I can tell you it still sucks to be poor. But being in such situations in the first place is where you pick up values, skills, and so on. Like how I learn about financial investments, coding, and finally IM. If my life started off rich, I doubt I would on this path. And I'm glad. Glad that I learnt these skills, and values that I can pass it off to my children one day. Also, your story also points out the importance of parenting... whatever you say or do to your child will have a lasting effect on them for life.

    Eh, I don't know how to put them all together but all I can say is.... understand the power of money and what it can do to people, and the options it can give you. But at the same time, be wary of its power as it can make you greedy and become a slave to it. Like Taoism's philosophy, seek balance. And the people you surround yourself with will have a profound effect too. Like the saying goes, "Birds of the same feather flock together."

    Also, exercise, my dear! I usually workout 5 times a week... long jogs and such. It really does clear my head and make me more productive. Keeps me slim and feeling sexy too. It really ultimately boosts your mood, thanks to the dopamine and such. Try it too! :)

    And have a "me time" day! Like when I start to feel burn out from work, I would have a "me time". No work, no worries. Just a day for myself where I would have a nice bottle of wine/champagne/sake and just pig out while watching my favourite show and doing my favourite thing.

    P.S: Had glasses of wine (it's Sunday!) so some parts may not make sense... can't really think straight but just want to help you in whatever way I can. Good luck, sis!
     
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    Last edited: Jul 16, 2017
  12. MakeGreenM8

    MakeGreenM8 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    I'd recommend looking into a thing called self image. From your posts it is clear you feel you are torn between who you want to be and who you have been.

    That's why you keep looking for some sort of approval to leave the "old you" and his beliefs behind. And even though you want this... you will keep on arguing against it.

    You just have to take actions that are way outside your comfort prison(zone). This will adjust your comfort prison for you automatically. No one else can.

    And whipety do! you have a new self image. That's way everyone here harps on action so damn much. You can philosophize all you want, but action is the only way forward, and the only thing that'll put food on your table.
     
  13. Sombrero

    Sombrero Senior Member

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    I got a field job cleaning construction forms (not kidding) from 6 A.M. to 4 P.M. and I love to get burn but by the 112 °F weather everyday. Those office workers can suck my wiener.
     
  14. Elin Dotsya

    Elin Dotsya Junior Member

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    Working outside all day doesn't tire me out mentally. Or are you going to argue with that also? Gee, it's my opinion, but I guess you know best, huh?


    I'm on it. Right now I'm making videos.

    Yeah, I figured as much. My mindset needs to be improved.

    I disagree with this. Sometimes it's better not to have something than to have it. That's also my opinion. Btw, saying, "gave a crap" means your father cared about you. That's what they call "proper grammar".

    I think many people in general are idiots. They are not nearly as perceptive as they think they are, so they try to contradict everything I say, but can't.

    If I had a gun - I might just shoot the therapist instead. Just saiyan.

    Gaming is love, gaming is life.

    I see what the true problem is: this world and the way society works. I can't change it, so I pretend to be another brick in the wall. Fuck everyone else's expectation of me.

    Good, I'll go get my cleaning tools and join you.
     
  15. Elin Dotsya

    Elin Dotsya Junior Member

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    Why are you guys so damn predictable? This is getting old. I think from here on out I'll do whatever I believe and stop making these pointless threads. They don't inspire me. Actually, few things on BHW inspire me. I don't even like many members here. Many of you don't even know anything about morals but preach some business-minded BS as though it were fact. None of it makes any difference to me.

    Bye, bishes. I'm outta here.
     
  16. Vindict

    Vindict Newbie

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    Calm down baby
     
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  17. Sherbert Hoover

    Sherbert Hoover Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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  18. pressrelease

    pressrelease Power Member

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    Do people really type such long posts, i consider this as a sign of depression
     
  19. Sherbert Hoover

    Sherbert Hoover Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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  20. .:mAestro:.

    .:mAestro:. Power Member

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    Goodbye.
    You won't be missed ;)

    Your consideration is noted :D:D
    Maybe you could start studying human psychology instead of writing short and meaningless posts :p
     
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