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How to deal with general feelings of apathy/not caring about anyone during sobriety?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by pewep, Apr 24, 2015.

  1. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    Hey guys, so I've been sober for my longest streak and I intend to keep going. I'm generally a pretty happy person and to be honest I really do like my life and I know how easy it has been, especially during hot spots. Also, I am extremely thankful and I try to be a good person and do the right thing. However, something recently has struck me that I just became aware of (or just developed). I'm sorry if this comes across as really bad (I'm a good person I swear):

    I honestly just don't give a fuck about anyone. I listen to people, I genuinely try to understand what they are going through and I feel like I can relate with them definitely and perhaps give them some insight into the underlying issues they are facing. But I rapidly get very bored after a while and I just don't care. Like, the feeling isn't there, it's just empty. I try to feel something but I just.can't. When I'm drinking, I feel much more compassionate and connected with people. And loving. This is probably just my brain re-adjusting, but honestly, I don't really know how else to put it.

    The truth is, I simply don't get any enjoyment from interacting with people. Like the dopamine feel isn't there. It's like doing laundry or taking out the trash or something as basic like that. No excitement, no joy, nothing. And I don't feel bad about it. I haven't made a single effort to connect with anyone male or female on a human level (in real life, I've met some great people online with similar interests) for a very long time. And I'm okay with that. It just doesn't bother me - at.all. Beyond the basic physical attraction to a woman, there's almost nothing else. The main problem is I feel like I'm too egocentric, I basically just think about me 24 hours a day and how I feel as well as what my goals and ambitions are. Why am I always just thinking about myself when I need to think about others? I need to be more open to others and allow them into my personal space. I know that I guess I'm missing out on part of what it's like to be a human being but does that really matter if I genuinely feel happy with myself?

    I think mostly, I have some mental scars from the years that I should address. I think that's basically the underlying cause of this and I think in time I can learn to enjoy human companionship. And mostly just completely recover from alcoholism and let my brain heal from that. Anyway, just putting down my thoughts.
     
  2. Mclovinn

    Mclovinn Junior Member

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    It's because when you are drinking heavily for a long period of time, you get used to the feeling and it becomes normal.

    When you stop, suddenly you have a change in perspective, and you have to deal with things that you wouldn't have had to before (or at least thought you had to). It's a positive thing man, it means you are going through a transformation.

    I would also agree with you about the underlying issues. No one drinks to alcoholic levels for no reason.

    How to deal with it? Do other things that you are passionate about. It's probably not that you don't care about other people, but when you have a sense of euphoria from alcohol, you do relate and talk to people more easily.

    Best of luck.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 24, 2015
  3. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    You're probably right and I think you have the best idea I've come across so far. It's much harder to get enjoyment out of social interactions when the artificial euphoria of alcohol is taken away (after being used to it for so long). That can make those previously enjoyable activities seem like a chore. Thanks for the input man! We'll see how it all goes.
     
  4. Mclovinn

    Mclovinn Junior Member

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    No problem bro.

    Feel free to hit me up on Skype if you wanna chat any time.

    I have gone/am going through, exactly the same thing.
     
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  5. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    Thank you bro, I will.

    I remember during probation one time having to take a "personality" test - which was really just a test for criminal disposition. At that time, I had a really good rapport with my counselor and was keeping my shoes clean. I couldn't pass the test. I kept scoring really high as having a predisposition to criminal behavior. He was really surprised and he kept it hidden from the court system, thank God. I think it's just the way my mind works and I'm not a sheep.
     
  6. tony_d

    tony_d Elite Member

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    Ahhh yes... one of the perils of being a full time troll is that apathy sneaks up on you and wraps you like a dark blanket.

    Quit trolling and self deception, and start living :)
     
  7. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    The funny thing is I've never lied to you guys, lol. Not to my conscious knowledge.
     
  8. Zwielicht

    Zwielicht Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    If you don't mind me asking, what did you get probation for? Anyway, have you ever considered that you have a sub-type of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), or more specifically Compensatory Narcissism? I'm not trying to attack you or diagnose you over the Internet (as I do not know you personally), but I say it's worth taking a look at and possibly speaking to other people with NPD about their coping strategies.
    By the way, I'm starting to notice a pattern in your threads (which, coincidentally, matches that description of Compensatory Narcissism I posted).

     
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  9. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    I was on probation for drugs, basically. I have not considered that because it seems like a serious copout. Blaming my faults on a personality disorder is a very easy way to take away responsibility and control. I'm not willing to do that. Ever.
     
  10. Zwielicht

    Zwielicht Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    Oh, I found your threads from 2011 where you mentioned that.


    I didn't necessarily mean to look at NPD to get a diagnosis, but more to analyse their coping strategies to find out if they work for you. For example, even if you are not diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, you may find progressive muscle relaxation techniques useful for reducing your stress levels.

    It's just a thought, but it may or may not work for you.