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How to change my attitute?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by velrajan, Nov 12, 2009.

  1. velrajan

    velrajan BANNED BANNED

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    Dear Friends,

    Hopefully will get some solution for my problem here..

    IM is my part time, basically i am working as a senior software engineer in a famous financial firm .I know i have some issue with my attitute from my childhood itself,its still continuing..

    In my official work ,i am very very good in my work and got lot of appreciation from my manager,still i don't feel confident in my work,always i feel that someone will take my position..i am very close to my manager,whevever my manager appreciate me i feel very happy,but if my manager appreciate someone i feel irrirated some time...eventhough i am very good in my work and dedicated to the core still i don't have confident with myself..

    Also i feel very scared to take ownership in the work,but if somene lead the work and i am working under him,i will work like anything and complete the job before the dealine....

    Even in my personal life sometime i feel i am not that much worth compare others in terms of the talent,the way they are behaving with people etc etc..my lack of confidence continue here also..

    Also,always i am scraed for criticism..if someone gave negative comment abt me,the next minute i will loose all my confident..

    Whats wrong with me??? lack of self confidence???

    I would like to live my life for me not for others

    Pls suggest to change my attitute..

    Cheers,
    Raj.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2009
  2. Sanitarium

    Sanitarium Regular Member

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    Occupation:
    I guess making love to your eyes since you're read
    Location:
    In your mind.
    A great goalie just killed himself because of this, so all you do is do your work the best you can and then don't give a shit after.
     
  3. bryanon

    bryanon Executive VIP Premium Member

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    Hey Raj,

    First of all, you seem to be an almost perfect employee (or at least on your way there). Being an employer myself, I know how hard it is to find people who actually give monkey's about what they do, do good work and are punctual with deadlines.

    As for your problem, have you ever read Dale Carnegie's Stop Worrying and Start Living? If not then read it - it's an old book but a very, very good and practical one and I think it would help you a great deal.
     
  4. tony-raymondo

    tony-raymondo Junior Member

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    you need to get laid more
     
  5. biginch

    biginch Regular Member

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    Raj,

    Its what makes people. Many people go through the same things you do. I think it is a combination of fear and self confidence. The only person that can change the way your feel or act is YOU.

    You can have a 1000 responses here and you may agree to them all but if YOU don't do anything about it, then you wont change.

    I had a fear when I started, thinking will I ever succeed. I hear soooo much about people failing in this industry. So I literally sat myself myself and told myself that I will do it. To this day I have not thought negatively about it.

    I know there are days I wont make money because I am still learning new things. But I know my outcome will be immense.

    You need to start taking ownership of your products. Honestly who cares what others think. I dont think there is 1 product out there that someone hasn't said something negative about. Because it works for you or some others doesn't mean it will work for everyone. Don't beat yourself up over it.

    Remember for every 1 negative thing that is said you think of a minimum of 10 positive things that will easily outweigh any negative thoughts. You have more positive instilled than negative.
     
  6. d54321

    d54321 Newbie

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    Pick up some self help books...Wayne Dyer, Stephen Covey and Deepak Chopra are great authors
     
  7. showbizvet

    showbizvet Power Member

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    I like what "biginch" said, fear can sometimes be debilitating, but often if you face it down, it dissipates quickly.

    From LONG ago into America when Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected president he spoke of this very thing.

    "Only Thing We Have to Fear Is Fear Itself": FDR's First Inaugural Address

    You can listen to the audio here

    Code:
    http://historymatters.gmu.edu/d/5057/
     
  8. MicroSal

    MicroSal BANNED BANNED

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    I agree with what he said, you need to change how you feel about yourself. One simple exercise to start with is to say to youself "I Like Myself" say it to yourself over and over (silently) during the day and before you go to bed at night. It may seem dumb.....but it works. It helps to rewrite the subconsious "software" that we have had written for us by our parents during our early lives. It can help undo some of damage done to us during our childhoods.

    If this works for you....you might want to check out a author/motivational
    guru named Brian Tracy. You can usually find some torrents of his stuff to try before you buy anything.
     
  9. velrajan

    velrajan BANNED BANNED

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    Thanks a lot for your suggestion..the solution i can see here is,i need to improve myself with the help of self motivation books :D ..

    Pls keep me posted your suggestion..
     
  10. magcshroom

    magcshroom Regular Member

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    Quote from 48 laws of power regarding you getting replaced:

    Law 11

    Learn to Keep People Dependent on You

    "To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you."

    Essentially, you must always have a skill or special asset that sets you apart from the next guy so that he CAN'T get rid of you.

    You have the mindset of a grunt, you need to become a boss. Get other people to do work for you.