How can you get your partner to stop living beyond your means?

When I was single, my outgoings were about 40 dollars a month (living with parents). Since my girlfriends moved in, we’re spending an average of $120 a week just on takeouts. Spends on make up she barely uses. Bought me too two jackets and some new shirts on myself. I had an fcuk jacket that has been going strong for three years, I didn’t need news jackets.

I’ve just realised that outgoing have gone from hundreds to thousands of dollars a month and shit we didn’t need.

How can I explain to her, that the near future, economically speaking looks bleak and we should we saving?

umbreno said:

When I was single, my outgoings were about 40 dollars a month (living with parents). Since my girlfriends moved in, we’re spending an average of $120 a week just on takeouts. Spends on make up she barely uses. Bought me too two jackets and some new shirts on myself. I had an fcuk jacket that has been going strong for three years, I didn’t need three news jackets.

I’ve just realised that outgoing have gone from hundreds to thousands of dollars a month and shit we didn’t need.

How can I explain to her, that the near future, economically speaking looks bleak and we should we saving?

Click to expand...

Just explain.

Simple, the ledger is going red instead of staying black.

umbreno said:

When I was single, my outgoings were about 40 dollars a month (living with parents). Since my girlfriends moved in, we’re spending an average of $120 a week just on takeouts. Spends on make up she barely uses. Bought me too two jackets and some new shirts on myself. I had an fcuk jacket that has been going strong for three years, I didn’t need three news jackets.

I’ve just realised that outgoing have gone from hundreds to thousands of dollars a month and shit we didn’t need.

How can I explain to her, that the near future, economically speaking looks bleak and we should we saving?

Click to expand...

Some people don't understand until they see. Use visual aids. I had to take my wifes creditcard away for a while.

Option A, start you arc and break up with her.

Option B, tell her to stop living beyond your means, I don't know, this probably isn't going to lead to anything good. Try it if you want.

Option C, you start earning more money. If you can of course.

Option D, you go out to buy some milk. Well, this one's nice not gonna lie.

leechesBleechin said:

Some people don't understand until they see. Use visual aids. I had to take my wifes creditcard away for a while.

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I made the mistake of giving her a debit card too. Just to try to be kind. I wince everytime I see a prompt for a transcation go through. Would it be a good idea to block it or take it back?

umbreno said:

I made the mistake of giving her a debit card too. I wince everytime I see a prompt for a transcation go through. Would it be a good idea to block it or take it back?

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I can say its working for us, I can't say for sure it wont explode in your face . but seriously, Use visual aides, A lot of people can't understand unless they can visual see it. Charts, reds etc. Try to help her understand before you blow anything up!

You need to face her. And explain that you don't have enough money. You want to save for your future or want to buy an asset.

umbreno said:

I made the mistake of giving her a debit card too. Just to try to be kind. I wince everytime I see a prompt for a transcation go through. Would it be a good idea to block it or take it back?

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Don't block it, as that is a tad aggressive/offensive.

I would not even ask for it back but do the heart to heart and see if that works.

alonelywriter said:

You need to face her. And explain that you don't have enough money. You want to save for your future or want to buy an asset.

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Imagine she an accountant and hits him with that:
"Assets = Liabilities + Shareholder Equity, thus the more liabilities you have the more assets you got, you are welcome honey!"

First... If you don't mind me asking you @umbreno how old are you and your girlfriend? (sorry if it's too private)

babe
i am making xk a month
you are spending xk a month
we are using our savings
we are budgeted at x a month, let's talk about our needs and essentials.
Don't just make her cut her losses, show that you are willing to sacrifice whatever you don't necessary need to (like new jackets !!!)

umbreno said:

I made the mistake of giving her a debit card too. Just to try to be kind.

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Simping costs. It's going to be hard to educate her about money so better tell her what you want/need more directly.

MrDenz said:

First... If you don't mind me asking you @umbreno how old are you and your girlfriend? (sorry if it's too private)

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We’re in our late twenties, we’re already engaged. I have a job. She just finished studying but doesn’t seem all too enthusiatic to follow through and get a job or set up her own practice (medical line). I went out and brought a 2.5k medical set up thingy for her since she said it will help for further courses she wants to do. I said fine sonce it’ll help you professioanlly. It’s just been gathering dust since january. And now she went out and spent another 200 dollar on some hand piece thing because the one that came with the kit wasn’t the one she needed. Instead she’s just been sitting around watching netflix and talking on whatsapp to her mom since she moved in (and getting fat from all that takeouts). Just to give you an idea of how insanely pointless some if the spending appears to be.

First serious girlfriend.

And remember, at the end you will be the one responsible for your finances.

So you need to set some budgets you don't get over per week and per month.

If she doesn't like it and starts acting up and you know in the long run it won't work, it's time to think about an exit strategy.

umbreno said:

When I was single, my outgoings were about 40 dollars a month (living with parents). Since my girlfriends moved in, we’re spending an average of $120 a week just on takeouts. Spends on make up she barely uses. Bought me too two jackets and some new shirts on myself. I had an fcuk jacket that has been going strong for three years, I didn’t need news jackets.

I’ve just realised that outgoing have gone from hundreds to thousands of dollars a month and shit we didn’t need.

How can I explain to her, that the near future, economically speaking looks bleak and we should we saving?

Click to expand...

Really simple. You tell her you are going to start saving money.

Open a savings account she doesn't have access to and move money across.

Tell her the new budget and ask her to stick to it.

But be aware, it's generally a man's job to look after his woman. It's part of our value. Any quality woman that wants a family will want a man to look after her. The type of women that are independent and have careers won't have the same time for you as they have priorities similar to you. If you want a more traditional woman who doesn't work and you provide for, then you do need to make sure you earn enough to keep her in a quality life.

If you have a woman who's demanding LV bags, 5 star hotels and other such crap, then that's a gold digger. But you should be able to give her a comfortable life. Eating out, paying bills, getting her some nice clothes etc. If your gf is spending too much on takeaways she eats with you, clothes from regular shops and just general things like that, then that's fairly normal/healthy for a woman who feels secure.

So you do have to weigh up the pros and cons here. Spending a couple hundred a week on takeaways is not that bad

I wouldn't ever give women debit cards on your account though. You just send them an allowance to their own bank account so you keep control. That's definitely a risky one and it's hard to take back once you've done it without coming off as too aggressive.

umbreno said:

We’re in our late twenties, we’re already engaged. I have a job. She just finished studying but doesn’t seem all too enthusiatic to follow through and get a job or set up her own practice (medical line). I went out and brought a 2.5k medical set up thingy for her. It’s just been garhering dust since january. And now she went out and spent another 200 dollar on some hand piece thing because the one that came with the kit wasn’t the one she needed. Instead she’s just been sitting around watching netflix and talking on whatsapp to her mom since she moved in (and getting fat from all that takeouts).

First serious girlfriend. What did I do wrong?

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Why would you rather have a girlfriend that runs an 80 hour a week business?

It seems better to me to have one who sits about the house watching netflix, while I do the 80 hours a week and have her there, when I need her there otherwise it'd be like 2 people just existing in the world side by side with no time to spend with each other, and who raises the family? My wife spends 80 hours a week with the kids lol.

umbreno said:

We’re in our late twenties, we’re already engaged. I have a job. She just finished studying but doesn’t seem all too enthusiatic to follow through and get a job or set up her own practice (medical line). I went out and brought a 2.5k medical set up thingy for her. It’s just been garhering dust since january. And now she went out and spent another 200 dollar on some hand piece thing because the one that came with the kit wasn’t the one she needed. Instead she’s just been sitting around watching netflix and talking on whatsapp to her mom since she moved in (and getting fat from all that takeouts).

First serious girlfriend. What did I do wrong?

Click to expand...

Sorry to hear all of that, my blood pressure rises when I see something like that.

So, instead of building a life together, she has other ideas.

Me and my wife have been living together for 17 years, I'll be 38 in a few days, we never argue about money, we think rationally since day 1.

From the first day until today, she is the one who "distributes the money", and she does an amazing job with it, as any normal family should.

In life, couples have to understand each other, otherwise, it's a ticket in one way.

Be open with her, sit down, and talk.

Of course, each of us would like to be able to afford to buy something new for our loved ones every day, but sometimes, it is difficult.

You have to find a middle ground if she is able to spend the last $100 on a wardrobe and knows that you have bills coming tomorrow and you don't know when you will get your salary... That's a huge problem.

Talk to her, be direct, tell her how you imagine and want to spend the rest of your life, what you expect from her, what she could do better, etc., let her do the same with you, and meet in the middle, if it doesn't work out, I don't want to be "that guy" who will write it, but it's better to get out of such a relationship rather than procrastinate.

If something doesn't work and if it doesn't go naturally if someone is looking at how to feed the family this month and the other party is looking at how to spend as much as possible this month, what are you going to do when you have a child?

We have similar cases in every part of the world, in every street.

Whatever you decide, know that life goes on, life goes on...

Lots of great points here to consider guys. More than I thought i’d get. Cheers!

It's better to face the reality of life

If her parents didn't teach her to be responsible, she is done. You can't fix her, send her away.

umbreno said:

When I was single, my outgoings were about 40 dollars a month (living with parents). Since my girlfriends moved in, we’re spending an average of $120 a week just on takeouts. Spends on make up she barely uses. Bought me too two jackets and some new shirts on myself. I had an fcuk jacket that has been going strong for three years, I didn’t need news jackets.

I’ve just realised that outgoing have gone from hundreds to thousands of dollars a month and shit we didn’t need.

How can I explain to her, that the near future, economically speaking looks bleak and we should we saving?

Click to expand...

Just tell her how it is, tell being the key word. Lol.