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How can I learn to forgive people who have truly hurt me?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by pewep, Oct 4, 2015.

  1. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    Hello my beautiful friends,

    I just wanted your advice on something. I would like to learn how to forgive people. I mean how to really let go of anger, etc... You know the funny thing is that even my guardian angel has said this is a problem for me and one major thing I need to learn this life. Here's what I mean:

    There was this guy called "E" and I used to hang out with him and a couple of other people. I knew he was a bad person and was using me because I had money but for some reason I felt attracted to him. Not romantically or sexually or anything (I'm straight), just felt like I wanted to be his friend intensely. Anyway one day during our drunken escapades, we got into an argument and he threatened to beat my ass. Keep in mind this guy is 3 years my junior so I felt very offended by this. Of course, he's much more muscular than me (being in the marines) and roundly kicked the shit out of me. Heh, that was the first and only fight I've ever been in during my entire life. I called the cops and the lady who responded was very nice to me. I remember asking her if I should press charges and she said that's up to me, she couldn't make that decision.

    I was taken to the hospital because after getting kicked in the head, they thought I might have a concussion (plus I was bleeding from my feet lol) but I didn't have insurance and I didn't want a $10,000 bill lol so I basically begged to go home and they reluctantly let me out of the hospital. I walked home that night - about 3 miles - crying in equal parts self pity and fury lol, feet bleeding the entire way. I had the opportunity to continue pressing charges and keep him out of the military and essentially ruin his life. I didn't do it guys. Here's why - I spoke to my dad. Now keep in mind that "E" is from Rwanda - a country that has been plagued by genocide - and because of his age, I am certain that either his parents or he personally had some experience with that. Furthermore, my dad told me that the last thing this planet needs is another black male in jail. Perhaps he would find his way out of the wilderness and become a decent person. I thought about it for a while, and I never called the officer back to escalate it to a charge. I actually burned the case number and telephone number the officer had given me to signify the end of the ordeal, but as I watched the flames consume the paper, the anger within me was only beginning to grow.

    I simply felt emasculated. It was the only fight I'd ever been in and I lost quite horribly. Additionally, he had gone around and told everyone so I was basically the laughing stock in my social circle. I felt so bad about it that I basically cut off everyone that I ever knew from that period and just started a new life. Then my psionic powers began to grow lol, and I knew I could get him - as I have with others. But the intelligent, rational side of me keeps refraining me. One time I felt so angry about it that I sent out a burst of energy and the next day I heard that he was walking around with a lump on his head after being jumped... but it did little to quell my anger. Years have passed and occasionally I look him up on facebook. Anyway I saw that he now has a son and talks about love, etc... when I saw that, I guess a part of me changed and I decided it was time to move on. I don't want to constantly hold a grudge like an evil ghost, always looking for an opportunity to inflict pain and revenge. I want to be free and I want to just forget and move on.

    I see the good in him. For example, even though I strongly, strongly disagree with the military basically raping the entire globe, I do think that his self sacrifice to go abroad is at least noteworthy. But I also see the bad for example I know that he - in more than one instance - coerced several girls to have sex with him while they were high on coke and alcohol. But I'm not really thinking about him, I just want to think about what my commitment to being a higher being, a loving person and a Buddhist means.

    I thank you BHW, and I love and appreciate all of you guys,

    Pew
     
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    Last edited: Oct 4, 2015
  2. Asif WILSON Khan

    Asif WILSON Khan Executive VIP Jr. VIP

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    You just have to let it go Mate. You don't have to forgive or forget but you can choose not to hate and you can choose to change negative feelings to positive ones.
    If that doesn't work send one of your Demons over to kick his ass.
     
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  3. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    :) I appreciate the advice man. Trying to learn to generally just change my negative emotions to positive ones. Cheers mate.
     
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  4. WizGizmo

    WizGizmo Super Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    When you hold a grudge against someone, you are in essence, a guard over them
    and you are not free. A guard has to constantly watch over his prisoner and therefore,
    the guard is a prisoner as well.

    Let the prisoner go home - then you can go home as well. :)
     
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  5. ElPadrino

    ElPadrino Newbie

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    Forgive and Forget! Easier said then done....But it can be done. Love overcomes everything. Me being a not perfect Christian....I have come to understand in this world we speak of love and forgiveness..But Love o boy thats one we truly dont understand. Because if we did it would change things among each and everyone of us. This grudge you hold its not safe...I can understand you..And this is from someone who comes from a country that is plagued by Cartel violence. The evilness of humanity has been seen. Revenge and hatred my goodness no my friend let go...Forgive and Forget. Ive done it and still on a path of transformation but only because of my faith in Yeshua. You know Ive been bullied and hurt and grew up a very angry guy wanting to kill and see revenge on all who inflict pain on me or my family or friends. And done things that have hurt me but my faith in God is what keeps me forgiving and forgetting. The dwelling of the hurts and pains of people would only leave you living in the past...and never in the present..
     
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  6. soccerlover

    soccerlover Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Patience is your answer.
    Your silence will kill them, ignore and smile
     
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  7. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    Very true my friend :). I guess it's just hard to find the will to desire home more than prison haha.
    Hey thank you for the candid message man, I truly empathize with you and I completely understand. The fact that you are able to find peace really speaks volumes and I should try to emulate that as well. I appreciate it bro. BTW, I my closest friends are latin american :), absolutely love their culture.

    Haha, I guess man. In a way I sometimes feel like I hope he feels guilty about what he did but it's very unlikely that he does. And it's unlikely that anything bad would happen unless I proactively engaged in his life. I'm just gonna pretend he doesn't exist and move on.
     
  8. qrazy

    qrazy Senior Member

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    Pics or it didn't happen...

    j/k

    Seriously, you just need to forget it and move on, and whether you forgive him or not has no real value unless you would want to be friend with him again(which I doubt). As you've said, if the guy is bad, you could have avoided his connection and arguments especially while drinking.
     
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  9. Cshark

    Cshark Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Submit yourself wholeheartedly to none other than Jesus Christ and you shall learn how to forgive, let go and never to look back.
     
  10. qrazy

    qrazy Senior Member

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    Didn't you know Pewep is a Buddhist monk? :D
     
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  11. abdallah869

    abdallah869 Newbie

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    Go far from her or his
     
  12. VinceC

    VinceC Elite Member

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    Just like I forgive you and come back to read your new threads
     
  13. generation

    generation Newbie

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    It sounds like you are on your way to healing... It definitely helps to talk about it and also having a way to channel & release your emotions help: i.e. writing, creating, movement (dance, lifting/exercise, tai chi, etc.)

    Remember that unchecked emotions are linked to dis-ease. Emotions are energy in motion, so essentially your feelings affect you not only emotionally, but also physically, mentally, and spiritually. And you have the final say on what you allow to affect YOU, because it is your choice to let it enter and distrupt your peace. Choose to let it go. Your health depends on it.

    Peace & Love
     
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    Last edited: Oct 4, 2015
  14. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    I 100% believe in this mate, uncontrolled/unexamined emotions lead to disease. Very true, I appreciate the input and I'll keep working to simply let go, etc... Thank you brother.
     
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  15. Zwielicht

    Zwielicht Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    Aww jeez, I'm trying very hard not to put my real opinion into this, so instead I'm going to present you with another option: have you tried talking to him?

    For all you know, the situation negatively affected him as well (after all, both of you were inebriated and may have acted out of character), so perhaps reaching out to him and asking him if you two could meet up to chat could mend any old wounds. Of course, I know having a victim confront their offender may not yield the best results, but based on what you said about his current character, fatherhood may have changed him by making him more docile than his younger, unbridled self.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 4, 2015
  16. Neocortx

    Neocortx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Honestly, I have a hard time hating someone, because I know there is no such thing as free will. We're just as controlled by our genes and environmental stimuli as is the crocodile.

    Would you hate a crocodile for biting someone? Lets be real, what else is the croc gonna do anyway? Think that way of humans, and you'll see that hate actually makes no sense at all logically.

    warm regards,
    neocortx
     
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  17. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    Well man, I have considered that multiple times, but to what end? I don't really believe that he's the "apologetic" type, even if he felt like he was in the wrong. I'd just rather not dig up old wounds again. I've made a lot of progress and I don't really feel like it's important for him to acknowledge anything in order to find closure. I don't feel like he has to either, we were both drunk and therefore I feel at least partly responsible. I'd rather just go on with my life tbh.
     
  18. Zwielicht

    Zwielicht Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    I think you misconstrued the purpose of my suggestion. It's not necessarily for an apology, but for closure through a friendly chat. If you're still dwelling on this however many years after the situation happened, who knows how much longer you could dwell on it. I mean, you're "occasionally" looking him up on Facebook, so a part of you must want to speak with him one last time to at least make you feel like you didn't end things on bad terms.
     
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  19. pewep

    pewep Power Member

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    Alright, fair enough, you make a valid point that perhaps contacting him would be beneficial. I have a few reservations but I'll consider it. However, you stated that this isn't your true opinion.

    So tell me how you feel my friend. Lay it on me straight, true and raw and tell me how you feel :D.
     
  20. Paranoid Android

    Paranoid Android Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Don't dwell on it man, move on. Find a couple of things that would distract you, boobies are good. They never hurt.
     
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