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Help with my sales pitch email

Discussion in 'Making Money' started by youtalkmedia, Mar 24, 2013.

  1. youtalkmedia

    youtalkmedia Senior Member

    Joined:
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    Occupation:
    Web Developer
    Location:
    Toronto
    Home Page:
    Hey,

    I have started to create my first local business website that gets about 400 searches per month. It is on the top of the second page of Google for the search, but should be on the first page within a month.

    Here is the current email I am sending out to people, can you please help me by critiquing it letting me know what works and what does not.

    I have tried to call people up, but no one ever answers their phones...

    Here is the email.
    Code:
    [FONT=arial]Hi,[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]My name is **** and I own the website:[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]***.com I would like to offer you the[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]opportunity to rent out the contact us portion of the website. This[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]would put your contact information onto every page on the website.[/FONT]
    
    [FONT=arial]People who are searching for "[/FONT][FONT=arial]service in city[/FONT][FONT=arial]" (which[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]receives approximately 390 searches per month on Google) are looking[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]to contact someone immediately, 70% of people who visit a website will[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]end up contacting the service provider.[/FONT]
    
    [FONT=arial]I have done similar things with other businesses (non-competitive) and[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]they have resulted in 1-2 extra appointments booked per day![/FONT]
    
    [FONT=arial]The website is new and is not yet fully ranked on Google as of yet so[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]I would like to offer the first month at $20, then once the website is[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]raked onto the first page for the term "service in city"[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]the cost will be $100 per month.[/FONT]
    
    [FONT=arial]Please let me know if you would be interested.[/FONT]
    [FONT=arial]*****[/FONT]
    
    thanks in advance!

    PS i also would so a similar thing if I got the person on the phone.