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Google's New Update - Scissors Update.....!

Discussion in 'Black Hat SEO' started by beauxesprits, Jun 9, 2012.

  1. beauxesprits

    beauxesprits BANNED BANNED

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    I did not name that, I just read an article over it. Here is the article, I have just copied it from the website. I am giving the source below the article.

    In a press conference called by Matt Cutts on June 4, 2012 Google unveiled what he called "A bold new step" for the company's search quality team.
    The conference's opening remarks came from Amit Singhal, Senior VP and Google Fellow. The obviously agitated Singhal stated flatly, "We've realized that the only way to deliver what people want is to have people actively reviewing the web", nervously wringing his hands. "That's why Google.. is incredibly excited to announce our new.. god, I can't believe I let him talk me into this. Screw it. Here's Matt to explain the new update."
    A beaming Matt Cutts then took to the microphone.

    "Over the past few months, we've heard a lot of buzz about deteriorating search results. Ladies and gentlemen, I've heard your cries! Once and for all, we're really going to lick this spam thing!" the Head of the Webspam team then attempted to high-five Singhal, but was refused.
    "Beginning tomorrow, I, Matt Cutts, will be manually reviewing every page of content on the web. We're calling it.. the "Scissors" update!"
    Upon delivering the final sentence, Matt tugged a cord next to the stage, unleashing a spray of neon confetti and a banner with the words "Cutt Out The Spam!" in comic sans. A small stereo behind the podium began to play Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger".
    Sergey Brin was overhead mumbling, "Scissors? Damn it. We even let him name it!?" before sliding his face into his hands.
    After the chorus of Survivor's hit single had ended, Matt announced he would like to answer a few questions from the media. When asked what factors would be evaluated in determining content quality, Matt explained that he was "pretty sure he knew great content when (he) saw it".
    "You know, like, sites that have a lot of how-to's. Blog posts.. those are important too. Maybe there will be a cat bonus; I really like cats."
    To reporters noting that it would take the average person over 120,000 years to review the entire content of the web, Matt remarked, "I took a speed reading course last fall. I'm pretty sure I've got this, guys. I'm not exactly average." before again attempting to high-five Amit, and again receiving no response.
    Asked whether or not he was prepared to wade through the immense volumes of online adult content, Matt blushed and began giggling uncontrollably. After regaining his composure, the iconic Googler shoved his hands in his pockets, stared down firmly down at his loafers and replied,
    "No further questions."


    Code:
    [URL]http://seorewind.com/google-unveils-ambitious-new-algorithm-update/650/[/URL]
     
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  2. ziplack

    ziplack Supreme Member

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    Here we go again!
     
  3. Robby54

    Robby54 Regular Member

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    If this is tru then:

    A) This could be a good thing if they are gonna do what I think and that is unpenalize sites with quality content once they manually review them.
    B) I know here not gonna review the sites himself, just being sarcastic.
    C) Matt is a Fu**in Perv, I guess the adult sites would be the only ones he would really "review" "himself"

    But since I cannot find this article on any other authority site, then I think this is simply just a joke.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2012
  4. LBrown

    LBrown Senior Member

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    Nice! I will put cats and porn on all my sites just for him.
     
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  5. beauxesprits

    beauxesprits BANNED BANNED

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    Haha.. Lolz... Do give the website link... I also love those things...
     
  6. SilverKnight

    SilverKnight Power Member

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    Not another update, please :/
     
  7. BlackIrish

    BlackIrish Junior Member

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    I hope that is a sarcastic post :)
     
  8. FunkyWaltz

    FunkyWaltz Junior Member

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    LMAO!!! That was an entertaining read. Thank you.
     
  9. Robby54

    Robby54 Regular Member

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    I think it is, the post was made on June 4, 2012 and it has been 6 days and yet this site is the only one calming this. By now, sites like seomoz, searchengineland, searchenginewatch, etc.. would have confirmed this.
     
  10. beauxesprits

    beauxesprits BANNED BANNED

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    I am thinking the same....
     
  11. weBay

    weBay Senior Member

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    Jesus christ did any of you actually read that article? Its a piss take.
     
  12. naveensingh

    naveensingh Power Member

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    Not Coming Out From one and second is ready :(
     
  13. relaxin

    relaxin Junior Member

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    I've seen some changes in my main site (20,000 pages) today.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2012
  14. balsagoth007

    balsagoth007 Elite Member

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    Last edited: Jun 9, 2012
  15. FuryFit

    FuryFit Regular Member

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    I like how so many are taking that seriously... Really?? You believe an article saying Matt Cutts is going to be manually reviewing every single page of the index himself? lol
     
  16. Robby54

    Robby54 Regular Member

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    I personally thought the author was being sarcastic but the update was real.
     
  17. FuryFit

    FuryFit Regular Member

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    Yes an update happened but that article is like what you'd see on The Onion.
     
  18. ajithrocksca

    ajithrocksca Senior Member

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    Oh my God.. This is BHW guys, grow up.. You guys can't understand the sarcasm and giving serious replies for a spoof post which makes fun of Matt Cutts..
     
  19. dbyrn

    dbyrn Power Member

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    Good article and a nice matts photo, where he's looking like a complete retard.
    I've heard that after manually reviewing your site they we will place a small html badge somewhere near your footer: "google approved", "matts was here", "cutts favourite" or "gay is ok!"

    D.
     
  20. FuryFit

    FuryFit Regular Member

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    You know what would be awesome? I'd love to see people putting "Google Approved" or "Cutts' Favorite" badges on their sites just for the hell of it. Maybe I'll have some made and share them with you guys LMAO