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Give me a feedback to one of my new writer content

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Sujith VS, Jun 17, 2017.

  1. Sujith VS

    Sujith VS Registered Member

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    Article-1:

    Optimum Nutrition's Gold Standard 100% Whey

    The Pure Whey Protein Shake increases your energy boosting chances. The amazing 100% Whey content which finally has no damaging effect to your digestive tract, should be a sure shot on your cupboard shelf. Each serving of this shake of filtered Whey promotes 24 grams of all-whey protein in your body and 5.5 grams of Branched Chain Amino Acids or the BCAAs. Protein and amino acids are the most essential requirement in every individual, irrespective of age. This is one of the most essential qualities prized by the sports persons, especially the athletes, in a protein shake for their muscle building qualities.
    The product is available in twenty different tempting flavors of Whey Protein Shake by the Optimum Nature, the Gold Standard 100% giving you yet hundreds of reasons for choosing it. Make your recovery process an enjoyable part of the workout with this Whey Protein Shake. If you are in search of one such recovery Protein Shake from a reputed company then you will be glad to know that Optimum Nature is the leading Sports Nutrition Company. The quality check in the company is non- questionable. The raw materials used are qualitatively approved before the preparing of the product. This product adds to the high standard of your choices. Each serving provides you with 126 calories, 1 gram fat, and 3 grams of carbohydrates with 24 grams of protein. The essential requirements are rightly balanced in this product to avoid your extra effort in approaching other products.

    Product Details

    The product is a large container of dimensions 8 × 8 × 10.8 inches. While, the chocolate flavor will make you want it again and again. The package contains Whey isolates. The mixture dissolved easily in water, this product will surely increase your lean muscles and tighten it. The item is allowed shipping in the United States and other FPO or APO addresses only. The FPO or the APO addresses are to be checked by the manufacturer before booking. While, only few other selected countries are allowed the shipping. The online dealers of this product are many, with Amazon as one of them. It is one of the best ranking products, having the rank of sixty one, among all other protein shakes presently. The product is not that sweet, but it only proves the protein more real. The use of artificial sweeteners to health related products, only increases your calories and is a harm to your body.

    Product Reviews

    The customers have found the product highly beneficial and consistent in its work. If you are thinking of the difference between Whey isolates and whey blend, let me tell you that both are approximately similar, other than that whey blend adds up 2 grams of fat which can be lost within 1.5 minutes of workout. The price rate has, however risen ridiculously higher than expected. But as the product is true to its word, and is a ‘ win,win’, being a Whey Protein Shake, I believe that the price is worthy. The product offers as it promises you in improving your workout health.



    Article-2:
    Nature's Bounty Chocolate Protein Shake

    The search for a good protein shake with a delicious taste to your tongue is finally over with the introduction of the Nature's Bounty Protein Shake of Chocolate flavor to the market. The product gives the most desirable taste to your tongue. The Protein and B- Vitamin required in the body is an energy metabolism booster. The B- vitamin in the shake is the constituent of other different vitamins such as thiamin, niacin, riboflavin, B6, B12, folic acid, B7, and pantothenic acid. Along with these, the product also contains Vitamin C and Vitamin D. All such components promote the healthy immune system and a healthy digestive tract. The probiotic blend to the properties of the Probioguard battles several diseases to provide a healthy immune. Probiotics are live bacteria used for the benefits of the human body and also killing the other harmful bacteria. The addition of the digestive enzymes is an accurate pair of the B- vitamins and proteins.
    The balanced electrolytes in the product and the addition of formula Omega-3 to the shake, prevents dehydration. Also, the balanced electrolytes and the Omega-3 help in providing fitness to the body and chances of diseases such as rheumatoid arthritis and increment in blood cholesterol is brought down. Omega 3 is basically a fish oil component. Nonetheless, the above mentioned benefits are yet to be verified by the FDA or the Food and Drug Administration Department. So, the following benefits are just a legal test away.

    Product Details


    This 16 ounce bottle has become the most lovable protein shake in the hearts of the young as well old. This protein shake of chocolate flavor by the Nature's Bounty has been rated as one of the Good Protein Shakes. The 4.8 × 4.8 × 6.2 inch bottle is of pale pink color. All the ingredients and most other information are available right on the pack for reference. The item weighs 1.2 pounds approximately. The manufacturer of this protein shake is same as its name suggests, the reputed Nature's Bounty. The product is presently allowed to be shipped across the United States only and few other Asian Productivity Office or the FPO addresses within the United States. Nevertheless, the APO or the FPO addresses need to be checked by the manufacturer or the vendor. This is so because of the warranty issues of the product and the other support issues regarding it.

    Product Reviews

    The product has soon become popular in a short time with good ratings and purchasing demand. This has been useful to the people with health concerns or going through a rough diet. People have substituted this with the food to cut down on calories and still the reviews have come up well. But, the doctor disregards substituting any meal of the day. No protein supplement can ever take place of the regular meal, hence, the practice should be avoided. The taste has been rated better than most other protein shakes. A piece of advice is that the shake should not be prepared ahead of time of the consumption. The price is affordable for the product with everything intact. I believe if you are very much particular about a protein shake, do consider this one, at least once! Also, consult your physician before purchasing. This product, rated as a Good Protein Shake already, will not fail to impress you!
     
  2. Innovatorz

    Innovatorz Regular Member

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    Hey, where did you buy this from? The article seems similar (at least in parts) to an article I have for a different reason. Please PM me the details. Even I'll have a look at my copies.
     
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  3. marios_521

    marios_521 Regular Member

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    Maybe use smaller paragraphs?
     
  4. Sujith VS

    Sujith VS Registered Member

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    I didnt buy this. Just received as sample from one writer.
     
  5. Innovatorz

    Innovatorz Regular Member

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    Oh ok.

    Now the feedback.

    1. Use smaller paragraphs.
    2. Layout pros and cons
    3. Don't use first person.

    And it also contains some repeated sentences. Make it more concise perhaps.

    The writing depends on the price, and that depends on your budget.

    It looks good as filler content.
     
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  6. LuckyCharm007

    LuckyCharm007 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    I think it's fine for high-end PBNs but your article is not going to convert well with a review like this. The writer clearly rehearsed Amazon's product description and made an article out of it.

    I don't know how much he's charging but if it's over 0.8/100, I think it's a bad deal. There are writers here that can do a better job for 0.6/100
     
  7. jakekelly

    jakekelly Junior Member

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    Honestly, this content is not strong enough to be used on a money site. You could maybe use it on a PBN site, but as a native USA citizen, if I read this, I would instantly leave the website.

    I am not saying this to be mean. I am just trying to be completely honest with you since you asked for our feedback. This content would never get published on a major English speaking website.
     
  8. SEO

    SEO Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    In addition to what everyone else is saying here, there is a bit of random capitalization, and there are a lot of awkwardly phrased sentences that a native English speaker wouldn't say, such as:
    • "This is one of the most essential qualities prized by the sports persons, especially the athletes, in a protein shake for their muscle building qualities."
    • A native would say something like: "This is an essential quality prized by sports enthusiasts, especially athletes, in a protein shake."
    • "delicious to your tongue"
    • A native would just say "delicious"
    There are a lot more strange sentences, but scrolling up and down is annoying. Basically, I can understand what is being said, but it's just not how a native English speaker would write. I think it would be good filler content, but it's definitely not money site content.
     
  9. ContentWriter

    ContentWriter Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Hi, @Sujith VS.

    I stopped proofreading the first article in the second paragraph. There are lots of things that you need change.

    [​IMG]
     
  10. SEO

    SEO Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Honestly, the first sentence doesn't make much sense either. What are my energy boosting chances? Does the protein shake only sometimes boost my energy? It's like an energy boosting lottery, you might get a boost, you might not. Not ragging on the writer, I'm just highlighting the thoughts a native English speaker has when they read the content. I think it's just what happens with non-natively written English content.
     
  11. NeverQuestionMe

    NeverQuestionMe BANNED BANNED

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    I can't stand articles that start almost every single sentece with "The" or "This". Low , super low quality article. Basically, a 8-12 dollars per 1k words kind of writer.
     
  12. SEO

    SEO Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    You know, I never consciously noticed that, but now I'll probably see it every time I'm reading an article like that.
     
  13. Elin Dotsya

    Elin Dotsya Junior Member

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    Those articles were either spun or written by an ESL student. You get what you pay for, lad.
     
  14. Zwielicht

    Zwielicht Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    I nearly hit the "spam" button thinking you were one of those spam bots that attacks the forum every day.

    That should tell you what I think of the articles.
     
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  15. chillerfx

    chillerfx Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    The very start of the article is not upto the standard, probably it can be started like "ON brings you this 100% pure whey protein shake.. " rather than starting blatantly with an info like "The pure whey protein shake increases your energy boosting chances". I'd also like the paragraphs to be broken down and sentences to be more crispier than those lengthy ones. :)
     
  16. blackbeans

    blackbeans Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Was the content 'written' by software?

    If it is, it would make decent Tier 3 or possibly Tier 2 content.

    Not money site content though