If you're going on a vacation these days, you may want to setup an auto "out of office" autoresponder. Here are a few ideas to help you crafting your message (inb4 "time waster" and other "that's copy/pasted", please note that this is the lounge, this is posted only in the hope it will give a few laughs to some fellow IM'ers that need a five minute break, and yes, some of you might have already seen it posted elsewhere) Vacation or Business Trip: 1. I am on vacation from mm/dd/yyyy to mm/dd/yyyy. I will allow each sender one email. If you send me multiple emails, I will randomly delete your emails until it is pared down to one. Choose wisely. Please note that you already sent me one email. 2. I am on paid leave right now for two weeks. When I get back, I will be on paid return. Upon completing my one week of paid return, I will address any issues or questions you have at a pace I am comfortable with. This is most likely a pace that you will not be comfortable with. 3. I will be out of the office and returning next week. I have incredibly easy access to a phone and email, but I assure you, it will not be used for work purposes. 4. I?m out of the office and returning tomorrow, at which time I will promptly delete all of your emails. 5. Hey there, could you give me a call instead? I?d rather deal with this over the phone. If I don?t answer, just keep trying. I?ve been having issues with my phone. 6. I am currently out of the office. If you can guess my cell phone number, then I will take your call. 7. I will be out of the office from mm/dd/yyyy to mm/dd/yyyy without access to email. If this is an emergency, please call 911. 8. I?m out of the office. If you have immediate questions or concerns, please contact my manager [insert name here]. If your questions or concerns are not immediate, you might want to ask yourself why you emailed me. 9. I will be away from work for one week while training. When I return, don?t expect any improvement. 10. I am currently in the office but swamped with work. This work was probably due to something you already requested. If you are sending me another request, go ahead and recall your email now. 11. I am out of the office at the moment. Unfortunately, I?m returning tomorrow. 12. I am currently interviewing for a new job. Upon my return, I hope to give my two weeks notice and never respond to your email. 13. I am away at lunch. You should consider trying it. P.S. ? This is not an invitation. 14. Seacrest out. 15. I like balloons and cheese. 16. I am currently out of the office and probably out-of-my-mind drunk. Enjoy your work week. 17. I am currently in the bathroom dropping a deuce. If this is an urgent matter, it only takes me about 2-3 minutes to take a dump, wipe my butt, properly wash my hands of fecal matter, and return to my desk. Feel free to stop by my desk later and give me a high five! 18. (For men only) I am currently out of the office on maternity leave. 19. I am in the office but completely incapacitated by the monsterous Chinese buffet lunch I ate earlier today. It would be best if your questions waited until tomorrow. Thanks. 20. I am away from the office at this moment. I will still be away from the office at the next moment and returning at a later moment. If you have any issues at the current moment, and they cannot wait until a later moment, please contact my manager, who may actually be away at the moment. Moment. Moment. 21. I?m away from my desk right now. I still have my cubicle, but someone took my desk. I went looking for it. I?ll respond to you when my desk gets back to my cubicle. 22. (For females only) I?m on vacation through the 23rd. If you have any questions, issues, or concerns, please feel free to call my colleague [insert name here] while I?m out. If you?re a single guy, good looking, and want to travel to Mexico to have a little ?fun?, call me at [insert phone number here]. 23. I?m out of the office due to a family emergency. Our DVR is on the fritz. I will return to work upon a succesful recording of Law & Order SVU on the USA network. 24. At doctor. Peepee like fire. 25. (For man or woman) I decided to take the morning off. Long story, but I have to drop off Pat O?Brien after an evening of one too many cocktails and copious amounts of booger sugar. I will respond to your email when I arrive at noon. 26. I?m not really out of the office. I?m just ignoring you. 27. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn?t have received anything at all. 28. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management 29. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 30. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 31. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.? (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 32. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 33. Hi. I?m thinking about what you?ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 34. I?ve run away to join a different circus. 35. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ?Loretta? instead of ?Steve? Quitting Your Job: 36. I will be out of the office until? hell freezes over. 37. I am no longer able to check my email. The company and I came to a compromise and I am no longer able to come within 500 feet of the building. In exchange, I will not serve any time. Thanks for your understanding and I hope you find what you?re looking for, but it?s very likely I stole it. 38. Dear friends and foes, it is with great pleasure that I tell you I will no longer be responding to your god forsaken emails as I no longer work for this company. 39. Hi! I?m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don?t bother to leave me any messages. 40. I am no longer working for the company. My last day was MM/DD/YYYY. The date is only provided for you to witness how long it takes IT to shut down my email address. 41. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. 42. They say the grass isn?t always greener on the other side of the fence. I am currently testing that theory. Wish me luck. 43. I recently quit this job because of emails from people like you. I hope you are happy. 44. Over the past X years, I have provided you with many answers. Many of you thought I was incredibly resourceful. I may be gone, but you can still find the answers to all of your questions at the link here. (set the link to point to http://lmgtfy.com/?q=How+to+use+The+Google) 45. I left the company to pursue my dreams. If you need to reach me, I?ll be sitting on my couch watching TV.