1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Extended family issues...thoughts?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by Grandslam, Aug 16, 2011.

  1. Grandslam

    Grandslam Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Messages:
    966
    Likes Received:
    313
    So its become more and more apparent to me over the years that the more competent I appear to become, the more I am expected to pick up the slack of others in my family... Maybe I should appear incompetent and I won't be asked to do ridiculous favors, like washing a car that isn't mine or posting an ad on CL to sell the same car?

    For example, today, a family member of mine didn't know how to unlock her brick flip phone, so she presumes I should do it for. Her logic is that since I know how to jailbreak an iphone, I just MUST know how to unlock a flip phone, and that is my duty to do so. After all, it isn't my phone, so it must be my duty...

    Well as anyone who doesn't assumes should know, jailbreaking an iphone and unlocking a POS flip phone are 2 very different tasks.

    That would be like asking a Lamborghini mechanic to fix a a 1988 taurus.

    Yet, since she was able to figure out how to unlock her phone before I was, she presumes that I didn't try and therefore I didn't even bother to help. And I don't hear the end of it for most of an hour.

    I tell her what I told you above, yet she still claims that I did nothing to help her, and that I am to blame for the strife.

    I rarely ask for her help, because I am of the camp that believes that if I have the time and ability to do so, I should solve my own problems instead of assuming others know more about them and handing them off to them to be fixed, even though they know nothing more than I do about the issue at hand.

    The response I received was "I don't live life tit for tat", to which I respond, "I don't live my life expecting others to solve problems that I can solve myself". For some reason, what I say is a foreign language as far as she is concerned.

    I only see her a few months out of the year because she lives in a different part of the country, which should only mean that she should be asking for fewer favors, since our time together is short.

    I love her, but I don't love this side of her.

    Do I have my head screwed on straight? Or am I missing something?
     
  2. Chris22

    Chris22 Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2010
    Messages:
    400
    Likes Received:
    1,059
    I'm stuck in this position as well. Because my family know I'm a software developer they all automatically assume I'm a technology guru and can solve anything and everything, even if it's totally different. When I explain that it's different and I can't help them they just get pissy and accuse me of not being bothered to help/ignorant/etc.

    It's one of those unfortunate things you just have to deal with mate.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  3. Grandslam

    Grandslam Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Messages:
    966
    Likes Received:
    313
    Wow its like your read my mind completely. I receive an eerily similar response almost every time this happens.

    At least I know I'm not the only person experiencing this...

    Anyone else in this boat?
     
  4. dpalat

    dpalat Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Messages:
    378
    Likes Received:
    69
    Occupation:
    IM
    Location:
    Kramsterdam
    Home Page:
    you are not alone ;)
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  5. IamNRE

    IamNRE Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2010
    Messages:
    4,663
    Likes Received:
    7,108
    Occupation:
    Generate Leads With FB Ads For Just $1
    Home Page:
    One word.

    Jeremy Kyle
     
  6. Grandslam

    Grandslam Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Messages:
    966
    Likes Received:
    313
    Would love to hear some stories about similar experiences you all have had.

    Maybe we can find a common thread that solves the issue completely for everyone.

    Maybe.
     
  7. Essence19

    Essence19 BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2010
    Messages:
    830
    Likes Received:
    352
    Dude - you think thats bad - Since I started doing IM every time some idiot has an idea they come and ask me for advice - hey How I create an apple ipod App - I want to make money - Hey man can you help me fix my pc its broken. Wow you make money on the internet. can you teach me something - and the worst of all - is because I live on my own and pay my rent with IM - people think I have unlimited money to spend and people you don't even know are like - Hows abt a loan - its all BALLS!!!!
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  8. IamNRE

    IamNRE Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2010
    Messages:
    4,663
    Likes Received:
    7,108
    Occupation:
    Generate Leads With FB Ads For Just $1
    Home Page:
    Jeez... everyone has family problems.

    But smart people don't air their dirty laundry in public.
     
  9. l0goz

    l0goz Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2010
    Messages:
    543
    Likes Received:
    353
    Occupation:
    IM
    Location:
    Close to your mom
    We are a family here too, remember that, so we will support u too as long u can help us make money... otherwise screw you... xD just kidding...

    I know how you feel. Which is the reason I decided to move and live on my own. Best decision I could ever made. But was bad at the same time cuz i did not have money nor job or finished school.

    I always the type the guy who does not need the help of no one, always do it on my own cuz is my own problem.

    but i am also the type of guy even if i am not familiar to favor asked, I do my research. but always upfront if not knowledgeable
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  10. tacopalypse

    tacopalypse Executive VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2009
    Messages:
    980
    Likes Received:
    2,485
    Home Page:
    learn to say no to people.

    if your life was a forum and a bunch of morons started posting on it, you give them the banhammer.

    plain and simple :rolleyes:

    there's always better people to invest your time in.
     
  11. ``Yousef

    ``Yousef Power Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2009
    Messages:
    534
    Likes Received:
    286
    Location:
    Cooking up the medicine.
    Home Page:
    +1 again, exactly the same boat. It's like the concept of "I'm actually doing shit" doesn't seem to enter peoples heads. Just because I might know how to do something, doesn't mean I should give up my time free of charge to help you do it.

    What's worse, is the expectancy to do it. The sheer fucking expectancy.
     
  12. Essence19

    Essence19 BANNED BANNED

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2010
    Messages:
    830
    Likes Received:
    352
    I say no - I have learned to be an ASSHOLE this seems to deter people.

    But yes We all have issues - success comes with its own problems.

    I am grateful for what I have achieved.its not as bad as it sounds I guess.
     
  13. SyZygy

    SyZygy Senior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2009
    Messages:
    864
    Likes Received:
    1,080
    Location:
    Europe
    Home Page:

    "Yeah Yeah, my friend is in that internet money thing you can call him and ask him about it, no problem, just say that I send you"

    for fuck sake..

    Anyway, OP, i know how you feel.
     
  14. Grandslam

    Grandslam Senior Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2009
    Messages:
    966
    Likes Received:
    313
    Believe me when I say that I've had my fair share of these people, and still do to this day.

    Honestly random people or "friends" are better than family members. Its never fun to have strife with people you love.

    Not concerned in the least. This isn't even dirty laundry. Everyone except for you seems to think otherwise...

    Amen!

    When you're dealing with family, that's not the route I'd like to take. I'm sure you'd agree...

    You hit the nail on the head. If I tell them that when I'm working on my computer, consider me working at a job that I'd get fired at if I left in the middle of my work schedule to help them, they simply call bullshit. Its infuriating. Maybe if I leased an actual office and did the same work I do at home there, it would hit them? That's the disgusting part. They're so programmed to the job mentality its honestly toxic to be around.