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Don't know how to move forward

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by justthinking, Nov 7, 2008.

  1. justthinking

    justthinking BANNED BANNED

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    I don't know if this goes here, but I am going to post it anyway. If not, please remove it. I just need to talk.

    My mom has been having some health problems lately. We thought it was just a pulled muscle. It isn't.

    Today, her doctor let her know she has bone cancer. She has to go to the University of Chicago shortly. I or she doesn't know the exact day, but it will be soon.

    Quite frankly, I don't know what to do. I don't want to bring her down, but I am struggling right now. I don't even want to think about it.

    God help us. Please. (I know this isn't the site for this, sorry)
     
  2. premiumsource

    premiumsource Senior Member

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    I am very sorry to hear that. I will definitely keep your mom and you in my prayers.

    God bless.



     
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  3. nessa2shoes

    nessa2shoes Registered Member

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    Hi justthinking,

    So sorry to hear about your mum. There's no doubt this is a huge challenge for you and her, and you are now at a crossroads as to how you choose to deal with it.

    Remember: a positive attitude from you will work wonders on your mum. Our mindset has a large impact on our health, so it's important you keep her as upbeat and positive as possible, as this will help her body to heal. It will be tough, but you can do it. :)

    I wish you both the very best - you are in my prayers....
     
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  4. Pofecker

    Pofecker Senior Member Premium Member

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    I'm sure it's easier said than done for some people, but you should really try to find someone to talk to about this. Maybe a trusted friend or something.

    My advice would be to take it one day at a time. Try to listen the best you can to her concerns and just be there for her. Many people that find themselves in similar situations have a tendency to over react based on emotion instead of logic. Don't freak out and try not to worry and stress about something that hasn't happened yet.

    I wish you and your mom the best.
     
  5. justthinking

    justthinking BANNED BANNED

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    I am trying. I just don't know what I would do without her. Unfortunately, my g-ma passed away at about the same age as she is now. I hope history does not repeat itself. I can only pray and hope.
     
  6. Pofecker

    Pofecker Senior Member Premium Member

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    I would focus on the now instead of what could happen. Worrying about what the future might hold is going to tear you apart. I'm not telling you that you shouldn't think about it, but try to steady yourself and live in the present.
     
  7. Geetfaux

    Geetfaux Super Moderator Staff Member Moderator

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    I'm sorry to hear that justthinking. Try not to think of the negatives and keep a positive attitude. I Hope everything goes well at Chicago, Her condition is very treatable and I hope everything goes to plan, and i'll definitely be praying for you.

    God bless
     
  8. sinewave

    sinewave Senior Member Premium Member

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    Hi justthinking,

    Nessa posted some very good advice. A positive attitude is critical.

    My father was diagnosed with cancer some years ago and I couldn't believe how helpless I felt. We got busy doing research and educating ourselves we got together a good plan of action with his doctors.

    Like you, I often felt devastated and grasping.

    One thing that really helped us was that I found a discussion forum that was specifically about his type of cancer (in his case it was lung cancer). I poured my heart out on that board and got some great support for both myself and my father from people who were undergoing the same situation as he was.

    Don't be afraid to do your own research and discuss all possibilities with her oncologist. Don't be afraid to ask them to make everything clear; if you don't quite understand what they're telling you, ask them to clarify everything. It's important that both you and your mother understand what to expect in the coming months and years.

    Be there for her when she goes in to see the oncologist. It's scary, I know. But do it anyway to remain empowered and keep your spirits high. And do your best to buoy her spirits too. It's important.

    Cancer doesn't necessarily mean an immediate death sentence, but it is something of a mortality notice in some cases. Hell, she may outlive you yet but don't let that prevent you from making the most of your time with her now.

    Most bone cancers are highly survivable, especially if they're not complications from breast cancer.

    I know what you're going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Best,
    Sine
     
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  9. justthinking

    justthinking BANNED BANNED

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    I am trying to keep a positive attitude. But I am just heartbroken. I can't really talk to her or my sister right now because I just learned about this about 4 hours ago. I guess I just have to try to figure it out.

    I thank everybody for their words of encouragement. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.
     
  10. FatherCarbon

    FatherCarbon Registered Member

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    I give my sincerest sympathy. I hope the University can give her good news! I lost my mother 4 years ago, and it can be rough. I recommend just talking to anyone who will listen to help get it out of ya. I wish you and your mom the best.
     
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  11. bizcredit

    bizcredit Power Member

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    Look into medical marijuana. Type in marijuana and whatever type of cancer and see if people have had good results
     
  12. sinewave

    sinewave Senior Member Premium Member

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    Take some time for yourself, by all means.

    PM me if you want to talk anything out. I've been where you are.

    Best,
    Sine
     
  13. justthinking

    justthinking BANNED BANNED

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    Thank you. I appreciate the offer and may take you up in the future. I need to figure out what I need to do first. I am definitely lost right now.

    Are there any sites you know of that help with this? Sorry, I have a terrible headache and don't really want to search now. If you could help, I would appreciate it.

    I don't know if it is normal or not, but I can't sleep and sick to my stomach. I will get back to you later if I fall asleep. I hope, but doubtful anytime soon.

    Thank you again.
     
  14. delmages

    delmages Junior Member

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    I am sorry to hear about your Mom, justthinking. I am going through a similar situation myself. My Mom went into respiratory failure mid October and they gave me the option of having a tracheostomy placed and letting her spend the rest of her days in a ventilator competent nursing home, or letting her come home on Hospice to spend her final days comfortably in her home. It was a difficult decision but she decided that she would rather be at home than to waste away in a nursing home.

    I try to make the most of the time I have with her each day and cherish the time that we get to spend together.

    If you need to talk or just want to vent, don't hestitate to PM me. You and your Mom are in my thoughts and prayers.
     
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  15. sinewave

    sinewave Senior Member Premium Member

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    Yeah, that's normal at first.

    Get some rest and we can look at some informational resources in the next few days.

    Best,
    Sine
     
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  16. leber026

    leber026 Newbie

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    Try your best to talk to her. I know it can be extremely tough. I had a similar issue earlier this year. I was floored, and went through a few days in a daze, and felt like I couldn't talk to her. I called her and the first few minutes were awkward, but after that it was alot better. Mainly because we talked and she knew I was thinking about her and would do anything to help. I live a little ways away so I randomly went back for a visit which helped. So all I can say is talk to her, she needs you around.
     
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  17. sinewave

    sinewave Senior Member Premium Member

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    Justthinking,

    Let us know how you're getting on.You're in my thoughts. PM if you need some help or want to talk.

    I hope things are going better for you.

    Best,
    Sine
     
  18. justthinking

    justthinking BANNED BANNED

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    Thank you for the kind words. I am getting along better today, but it is still extremely hard. I am not in too good of a mood today. I guess I am kinda short with people.

    I couldn't even talk to my grandma today. Although it is my dad's mother, she was just trying to be nice. I didn't even get on the phone. I guess I want to avoid it. Or act like it isn't real.

    Nevertheless, trying my best though. Maybe drinking a little too much. I know this is not what to do, but I can fall asleep eventually.

    Also, I am kinda mad at her doctor. He hasn't even set up when to go to Chicago. I think this is important but maybe he doesn't. I don't get it. I will call him tomorrow if we don't hear anything.

    Thanks for your concern though. I appreciate it.
     
  19. invisibleme

    invisibleme Registered Member

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    This must really be difficult for you to accept, love is the greatest expression, the worst stuff to cope is the feeling of losing a great companion and loved ones..I understand what you are going through..Just try your best to do within whatever means for her to receive medical cares and show care and concern for her, that's what you could do for her positively..Take care mate
     
  20. greatusa

    greatusa Registered Member

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    Sad to hear about this and lots of sympathies out there. Feel like am really in a real and loving community . .

    As mentioned already, spend the most of your time you can with your mom now. That's more important than money. And as to your being lost and feeling devastated, I can feel that. Hell! Cry out loud man, shout . . whatever, and then calm down, back to business and face the reality.

    God bless.