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Does too much help make one arrogant ?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by xrumering, Feb 18, 2013.

  1. xrumering

    xrumering BANNED BANNED

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    Hey guys, what's up : )) long time no see.... :music:

    I've come up with a decision in my mind, just now...

    Well, if you know, I'm that kind of person who helps his friends, anytime, but I guess I should stop.

    I have many friends but a few closest ones, one of them, whom I love the most asked me for help, he wants me to buy a new notebook for him, he doesn't get computer stuff etc etc..

    I gladly said "no problem", yesterday we were browsing some computer websites, choosing etc ...

    Just a few minutes ago, I texted him "Did your father already give you money for a new computer?" and here's the message I got back from him "You've got two days left, than we'll go to buy one"...

    Hm... WHAT THE FUCK?! This message means "Yea, search, find, come with me and buy it for me"...

    You may think it's just an accident and I don't have to pay any attention but no, unfortunately NO!

    The ones I help (even the kindests) start to act arrogant and play an important person.

    I'd never think that things would turn this way, I kept thinking "Don't ignore him, he's your friend, help him", as I can see now, too much help harms, keeps you arrogant and turns you into a disgusting person, or am I wrong ?

    The one I was talking about is the most credulous and childish person I've ever met but even he could become a person like that.

    When I think about it, my self-esteem goes down damn it, I'm close to the thought that I have to act a little arrogant and say "No, some other time" when they ask for help, right ?

    Any advises ?

    Thanks, xrumering.
     
  2. BrianKade001

    BrianKade001 BANNED BANNED

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    You have already given the answer in your post. All you need is an approval or stamp from others. You're partially hating that guy, which means that you don't like such people, so it's simple just move on. When you're out there to make friends, just ensure that you don't befriend di*Kheads. As simple as this.

    I have made a few rules in my life when it comes helping others:

    1) Avoid helping self-sufficient people unless they ask. ( Such people have ego issues. Yeah. I am being generic, which is not good, but it has come after bitter experiences. They don't value your help. )
    2) Help only those who is in extreme need. ( For instance, the peon in your office is having financial problems and he asks you for some help, then rather than ignoring his plea, you can lend him some money.)
    3) Never compromise your interests ( I have made it a point to see if I am ruining myself or my business or anything related to me by helping someone. It may seem rude, but those who hold practical attitude towards life may agree with me. )
     
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  3. jazzc

    jazzc Moderator Staff Member Moderator Jr. VIP

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    1 post, so much fail :(

    You are a cash cow and people are milking you. Thankfully, the fact that you made this post means you might actually have hope to recover.

    a) You must rethink what a friend is. Not every random block who hangs with you is a friend
    b) You must understand friendship does not mean exploitation. Anyone asking you for a gift is not your friend, period. That doesn't mean that you can't give gifts, it means they can't demand them from you.
    c) All substantial help you give to people you know must be earned for. And I don't mean monetarily. Maybe you have a friend who was there for you when you were facing issues - he 's earned your friendship & support, you get my point?
    d) Never get into a guilt trip - anyone who tries to play with your emotions is not your friend.
    e) You must be firm in drawing your line. If you have a line, people will either accept it or leave. In both cases you win. If you don't, you 're open game for exploiters.

    Action points:

    a) Never speak to that person again. He 's a gold digger and will back-stab you on the first chance.
    b) Get new friends.
     
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  4. xrumering

    xrumering BANNED BANNED

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    Thanks for the advices :)
     
  5. pnvhq

    pnvhq Junior Member

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    OP I'm gonna take a leap here, but do you find yourself having self-esteem issues? Often times, those who have a hard time understanding their own self-worth turn to others for approval. It looks like you want to please your "friends," and they're more than happy to make you think they care while milking you dry.

    Your first step should be to understand that you as an individual have merit (or if not, you should probably work on that ;)). Next, you should eliminate the people from your life that aren't providing value aside from just being around and asking for a favor. Take some time to evaluate your own interests and passions, then seek out people who share those. You'll find that they appreciate you for who you are rather than what you can do for them. These people will wind up being your true friends.
     
  6. bertbaby

    bertbaby Elite Member

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    Or you can simply change your nickname to "Doormat".

    Make yourself unavailable and your friend will get message; if you can call him that.
     
  7. lakim0

    lakim0 BANNED BANNED

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    I think ... No, you seem not to have friends that appreciate what you do for them, maybe you think (and it's right) that you must help your friends anytime but only one in thousand will appreciate that kind of help.
     
  8. theincredibleseo

    theincredibleseo Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I wouldn't necessarily say it makes a person arrogant; I think in some cases it's quite the contrary. It can make a person dependant and lacking in confidence. One question though - does he expect you to pay for it as well as everything else? If yes he's being an awful person and needs to be cut off from any further help. If no, if his dad has given him the money to buy it and he just wants you to accompany him then I think it's just a case of him not having the confidence to deal with a salesman by himself.