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do i attract bad luck?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by proxygo, Oct 24, 2014.

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  1. proxygo

    proxygo Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    sept 2010 - burried my best pall
    http://www.blackhatworld.com/blackhat-seo/blackhat-lounge/308279-when-thanks-just-isnt-enough.html

    christmas 2012 burried my mom on my birthday
    http://www.blackhatworld.com/blackhat-seo/blackhat-lounge/510895-my-mom-passed-away-my-birthday.html

    today got a call about 6pm from my step brother, father passed away mon, heart attack, took em 3 days
    to track me down, havnt spoken with them in 26 yrs, now im in quandry funeral, to go or not to go that is
    the question, mother gone last year, orphaned at 44....and both just b4 Christmas, anything else .
    some wounds never heal, and this 1 runs deep, no details but i have every reason not to go, why i cut my
    ties 26 yrs ago.

    i can send flowers and leave it at that, saves all the people wondering why show up after 26 yrs
    and think im after something, difficult to pay respects to a person u cant respect. i have my reasons.
    what to do, what to do.
     
  2. lietuvis002

    lietuvis002 BANNED BANNED

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    ive had a similar life, if you want we can talk on skype, might help.
     
  3. SkylerJarman

    SkylerJarman Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Life is an illusion, It's however you want to view it.
     
  4. Mrnewbie

    Mrnewbie Regular Member Premium Member

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    I guess your venting which is fine but without details it hard to ascertain what to do like send flowers or not. My guess he wasn't there for you and your mother or abusive just as guess and you still hold a grudge to this day. Honestly, if you didn't get along with him above ground why go to where he is below ground. Lastly, why go just cause its a funeral, i know this might sound harsh but if you didn't get along with him and guilt is the only reason you may go or send flowers I don't see what the purpose is for. We have an interesting society that seems to feel bad when someone dies and its a person we didn't like or love we suddenly feel guilted. Hope you find peace with whatever chose you made.
     
  5. Techxan

    Techxan Elite Member

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    Do what is right for you. What people think is irrelevant.

    You go to a funeral for closure and to pay your respects. If neither of those are necessary, don't go. If you need those, go.

    Only you will have to live with your actions.
     
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  6. proxygo

    proxygo Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    there lies the crux of it [ pay your respects ] cant respect a person who treats u like a turd
    hence 26 yrs of sticking to my moms side of the family . its like if i go almost no1 there will i no me
    cept his wife and her 2 grown kids, yet im the son, and i dont want people looking at me thinking
    why come now after 26yrs and not b4. because we both burned our bridges something his wife
    dont no about. and i have no ill will to her she was always decent, he was an ass.

    think best i can do is send flowers, trust me if i went, ide be jumping on the soil to make
    sure it stays down, thats how deep it goes. but what his family dont no about really shouldnt
    interfere with there day.

    odd when my mom died 2 yrs ago i was offline a month, shut down my products it broke
    me in 2, we where very close. when i got the call today i looked at my misses and said
    bout time. and thats awful to say
     
  7. SnoopyDrew

    SnoopyDrew Senior Member

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    Its your father,no matter how bad he treated you you need to go to his funeral.
     
  8. Hawkster

    Hawkster Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Dont want to be blunt and insensitive but when it comes to bad luck....thats just life. One big pain in the ass.

    Go to the funeral. You'll only regret it if you dont
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2014
  9. Leith

    Leith Jr. Executive VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I've had a pretty horrible relationship with my Father too (to the extent where I haven't spoken to him in years).

    I understand you're obviously angry at the past, but maybe put everything aside for a few minutes and attend? Yeah, people are going to look at you and ask questions but who cares.

    Sorry that things are going shit for you. There's usually always a light at the end of the tunnel and I hope things work out for you again real soon bud.

    This is the life we live in. No one said it's going to be easy and there's going to be a shit load of bad luck in our lifetime. It's going to hurt, but time heals everything. Things will be brighter soon.
     
  10. IMTopgun

    IMTopgun Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    You go to the funeral to honor your father even if you don't think you can honor the man he was. You do it for you and don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says. Reading your first post tells me you need to do this. I
     
  11. nanavlad

    nanavlad Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    You don't got to a funeral to honour the dead
    You go to support the people who are left behind.

    You will never know if it will do you any good unless you go
    At least if you go, you can find closure
     
  12. srb888

    srb888 Elite Member

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    Forgive them and before that forgive yourself. That will really help you overcome all past unfortunate things that're still haunting you and may be hurting you too. May be you don't know it but that ill-feeling is really putting brakes on you in life... Get over it, friend, and accept them whole-heartedly. Time may have made huge changes in people who could have hurt you in the past.

    Try it once, and if the bad feelings from them is still the same, then move on without any more bad feelings from your side. At least you did a great favor to them by forgiving and trying, and more to your whole self in the process... Think over this for a minute and take your decisions. :) God bless! Forgiving oneself (yourself), and then others really helps wonderfully!
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2014
  13. howard_hughes

    howard_hughes Elite Member

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    I'd say you should still go and pay him respects. You must have your reasons but it's probably time to forget and forgive..
     
  14. lilmasta

    lilmasta Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    "Keep in mind, hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their own pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain that they have some unresolved issues inside. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily."
    ― Joel Osteen, Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential
     
  15. lietuvis002

    lietuvis002 BANNED BANNED

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    Its really not that simple...
     
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  16. srb888

    srb888 Elite Member

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    It can be made that simple, easily. General 'rigidity' (of mind for all others) is OK, and it can be loosened in a case like this, especially, where we need to apply the 'forgive method'. One got to see the person whom we want to forgive, including ourself, in mind and let go of the hard feelings, there first. And there should be no tenseness left at all. It's a beautiful process and a real leveller of relations. Works too, have seen it work plenty of times in my own life, and I ofc don't know the 'science' behind it. :)

    P.S.:

    You got to go out and reach to the other person in real life while expecting a positive meeting... no place for doubts. It's a great process and it costs no money, so no harm in trying! Simply: Go Do It with a smile! :)
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2014
  17. JoeMongan

    JoeMongan Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Really hard to tell you mate since we don't know the whole situation which I understand
    not posting details of course. Let me just say I have experienced my share of catch 22s
    in life and well....if I was you...which I am not...Meh I would feel very uncomfortable attending
    and probably would not go.

    Either way I am sorry for your loss because even if you do cut ties with someone
    for some reason death always has an impact. If nothing else its like a chapter closed.

    -RK
     
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  18. Mr.Whitehat

    Mr.Whitehat Senior Member

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    Do what you feel right imo. Life has both good and bad sides like a coin with two faces. You have to cope up with difficulties somehow.
     
  19. Asif WILSON Khan

    Asif WILSON Khan Executive VIP Premium Member

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    My Dad died last year.
    We hadn't spoken for several years, the day before he died, my Brother begged me to visit him in hospital, reluctantly I did.
    I think seeing him one last time helped us both.
    I arranged his funeral but I did not attend it, as it did not feel right.
    I think not attending his funeral was the right decision for me.
     
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  20. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    He who laughs last, laughs longest.
    If you ever loved him you should go. Why keep a grudge? Life is too short for that crap. You've already let it go too far.

    On the other hand if if there never really was a relationship and you've never had any feelings for him, I would pass.

    You've also got to consider your brother, I mean they've actually tracked you down? No? I think they care for you, to some extent?

    Do what you think is right but in my opinion sending flowers and not attending is a cowardly thing to do, your best of not bothering at all.

    Lastly, it's a funeral, I doubt you will get grief from others, and if they talk about you behind your back, what do you care?
     
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