Critique part of my cover letter

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by deuscypher, Nov 24, 2009.

  1. deuscypher

    deuscypher Junior Member

    Jun 8, 2009
    Likes Received:
    Hey everyone,

    I would like to know what you all think of my cover letter.
    Give me insight on what might i have to to improve.

    Here it is:

    [FONT=&quot]Over the past few years, I had a friend who introduced me to online marketing. At first when I thought of online marketing, I thought it meant selling products to various people. But, online marketing has broad aspects of how it works. I started out joining affiliate networks, and helping them find potential customers to buy their advertiser?s products. In order to promote the offers, I had to find many ways to gather potential customers. I had to build websites, create banner ads, and try to get my sites on Google?s front page using search engine optimization tactics. In the beginning, I found out that I had a lot of trouble finding potential customers, and that I lost a lot of money investing in these kinds of business ventures. I was on the verge of giving up, but I bought a few motivational posters and posted on the wall, and that is what helped me keep going at what I was doing. After a couple of weeks, I have seen that my effort has brought in a couple of customers. I believe that this experience has helped me gained lots of insight of how hard it is to make money. But, also if you want to make money, you have to work hard for it and not give up. [/FONT]
  2. Pharaoh

    Pharaoh Newbie

    Nov 16, 2009
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    Personally, I would remove anything where you say "I had to" because this implies "I didn't want to, but had to".

    Replace it with "I built websites" instead of "I "had" to build websites" etc

    As you can see the first looks more appealing to potential employers.
  3. JonesersRX7

    JonesersRX7 Regular Member

    Mar 24, 2009
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    No one cares about you spending money... your motivational posters or any of that crap. You want to point out why you are of value to them and THAT IS IT!!!

    They are taking 10-15 seconds to review 100's of resumes a day.

    That took me 30 seconds to do so DO NOT USE IT... take the ideas and clean it up.

    - J
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2009