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Critique My Sales Letter - Don`t hold back-

Discussion in 'White Hat SEO' started by robert454, Jul 29, 2009.

  1. robert454

    robert454 Newbie

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    Hi everyone,

    I`ve been here for a while even though I rarely post. I mainly do local business promotion but I thought I would try my hand at niche marketing.

    Here is my first attempt.

    I had a product created in the anxiety market and I am in the process of getting affiliates. I contacted a few of the super affiliates sent them a review copy of my product and the response I got back was the same. "Excellent product but the landing page needs work to increase conversions"

    I need you guys to give me your honest feedback on my sales letter, and how I could improve it.

    w3.panic-stopper.com/sales-page

    Don`t hold back, I value constructive critism.

    Thanks,

    Robert454
     
  2. iznogud

    iznogud Newbie

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    Hello buddy,
    As far as I can see the design and branding of your salesletter is quite good and i think if you remove the unrelated resources at the top it will perform better.

    However i think that there is too much content on the salespage. People in this market are already tensed and stressed and therefore they are looking for quick solutions.
    You may follow this :
    Get their attention, get them interested in the solution that you are providing, arouse their desires on how important it is to get the solution and lastly get them to take action. This is the ultimate flow of the salesletter.

    As far as the testimonials are concerned, add the more solid ones which directly concerns the people who need to get their problems solved.

    You are on the right track buddy. Keep the work going and always test the conversion rate as you make newer amendments.
     
  3. iznogud

    iznogud Newbie

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    Here is a thread that can help you further.

    http://www.blackhatworld.com/blackhat-seo/member-downloads/37100-get-copywriting-sales-persuasion-collection.html
     
  4. oceanz

    oceanz Junior Member

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    too much text :eek:

    do you honestly expect a customer to scroll down all the way thru that? no harm in having a long sales page. but if you are going to make it long, fill it up with pics, videos, graphs, etc. not endless lines of text. it's a sales page, not a book.

     
  5. robert454

    robert454 Newbie

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    Thanks for the advice. I appreciate it. I`ll fix it..
     
  6. Sophie

    Sophie Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Dude, toughen up your "security".

    I did a "site:" on Google and I saw your download page.

    Salespage-wise, I find it ok. Try putting more testimonials.
     
  7. oceanz

    oceanz Junior Member

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    lol i just acted on BlackSeng's suggestion and i found the download page in an instant! i even found a reward page for referring my friends :p
    toughen up your security mate
     
  8. bachhus

    bachhus Newbie

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    Remember, none of the following is said to be mean but rather to help. I'd suggest the following:

    1) Change the layout above the fold - you're wasting prime real estate with a lot of crap that doesn't sell anything. And while the graphics are pretty, they don't make me want to read any further.

    2) Dump "The Break" - I suspect that's meant to be a hook - you can do better

    3) Rework headline - It's got to be like a stop sign that makes the reader want to know more - this determines 80% of your conversions! Give it 80% of your time.

    4) Your first "Get Immediate Access" Button is too soon - you haven't established any need yet.

    5) Again, testamonials are too soon. What does reader have to be convinced of?


    Write more conversationally. If you're problem's your high IQ, dumb it down a little. I mean, "LET ME ENUMERATE the POWER you could get from a NEW SELF-IMAGE!"

    REALLY? Is that how you normally speak to your friends?
    Better copy would be something like,

    "Imagine ... In Only Thirty Days You Could Be Completely Free From Panic Attacks Forever!"

    Which copy would more likely make you pull out your credit card or at least keep reading?

    Too much tell, not enough sell. And proof read better or have someone do it for you.
    Example:

    "My program, the Panic-Stopper: A Psycho-Cybernetic
    Breakthrough for AnxietyIs partly based on the solid and backed assumption of Dr. Maltz."

    What? I know what you're trying to say, but you missed it. And as for Dr. Maltz, "psycho-cybernetics", and the rest of that bit I speak for your readers when I ask,"Who cares?" And, "Will a very dated sounding term like PSYCHO_CYBERNETICS make me read further? OR Will I be subconciously repelled by the term PSYCHO which I now associate with your product?"

    Perhaps something like,"Psychological Breakthrough" or Technique" might be more effective.

    Consumers are totally self centered when reading ads, why else would they read them? Just to shop? No! Read every bit of your copy and ask yourself (as your customer), So how does that help me?

    If you don't have a clear answer, delete it.


    Basically, remember the structure is identify a problem, relate to customer's pain, refer to product which solves customers problem, provide proof (testamonials), ask for order, guarantee, and p.s.

    After that you have to test, track, and optimize.

    Hope this helps you. Good look with your book.