1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Can You Review This Small Article For Me?

Discussion in 'Blogging' started by hasan7707, Oct 21, 2016.

  1. hasan7707

    hasan7707 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    48
    So, I wrote a small article on "Discouraging to hit or slap the horses"

    If you have a little time at hand, then please give me a review of the writing quality. Does it sound like fluff? Could I've cut some words to make it tighter? And how can it be bettered? You know what to suggest better.

    Please also leave a out-of-10 rating, I'd be grateful.

    Article:

    Working with a shy foal for the last few days, I observed the horse shies away when I try to halter or pamper her. I wonder, how many people today consider hitting horses as a necessity.

    I see no positive side of hitting horses. Tapping them on backside to move away and slapping them in the face is two different things. I'm not a horse expert, I still care a lot for them. I had many horses, and still work with them every day.

    I try to cultivate a deep bond with horses that are unfriendly to me. I feed, halter and medicate them. But never needed to slap or hit them.

    "But the horse may bite or kick!! You need to hit to control them." No, I never required that, and you won’t too.

    If you see violence coming, leave the place quick and think how can calm it with a different approach.

    Earlier, I found that people are into hitting and slapping as a discipline training for horses. There must be better ways to communicate with them than hitting.

    Most people hit or slap horses thoughtlessly. Yes, people often react out of surprise or shock.

    I believe it's on us to find better ways to communicate with horses. Patience should be the approach, when you want to be the coach. I understand, horse trainers need quick results. But you have to realize that, a horse has to perform and behave, they're not ferocious. Forcing is the unnatural path.

    I'm just suggesting that you pause and find a better, non-violent training alternative.

    Listen to your inner voice, listen to your horse’s inner want. There has to be an alternative.

    I know there is. Horses taught me that. Good luck.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  2. onlineonly

    onlineonly Power Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2014
    Messages:
    611
    Likes Received:
    287
    Location:
    online
    My rating is 1 out of 10.
     
  3. hasan7707

    hasan7707 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    48

    Its that bad? Mind telling me where I'm going wrong?
     
  4. Juneja

    Juneja Supreme Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2016
    Messages:
    1,441
    Likes Received:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    I don't want to rate, it may discourage you.
     
  5. blogzandstuff

    blogzandstuff Elite Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2015
    Messages:
    5,208
    Likes Received:
    2,412
    Occupation:
    blog creator
    Location:
    UK
    shouldn't tout for business in anothers thread
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  6. Juneja

    Juneja Supreme Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2016
    Messages:
    1,441
    Likes Received:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    Edited.
    Thanks :)
     
  7. blogzandstuff

    blogzandstuff Elite Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2015
    Messages:
    5,208
    Likes Received:
    2,412
    Occupation:
    blog creator
    Location:
    UK
    no problem, that could've got ya banned
     
  8. blogzandstuff

    blogzandstuff Elite Member

    Joined:
    Jan 1, 2015
    Messages:
    5,208
    Likes Received:
    2,412
    Occupation:
    blog creator
    Location:
    UK
    i read your article with interest, i see nothing wrong with it. However i would say that putting any of your work up for review on a marketing forum is going to get you some comments you may not like. Your real reviewers are you website visitors, ultimately let them decide.
    Good luck
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  9. Juneja

    Juneja Supreme Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2016
    Messages:
    1,441
    Likes Received:
    191
    Gender:
    Male
    My Bad. I have worked so hard on this account other than few mistakes in posting in beginning when i didn't gone through T&C.
    I will keep this in mind in future. It was not intentional.
    Thanks for the help, appreciate that :)
     
  10. hasan7707

    hasan7707 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    48
    Thanks buddy, that gives a little relief.
     
  11. AceWallGromit

    AceWallGromit Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2016
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    223
    Location:
    Canada
    When I read it I don't get the feeling you have horses. The writing isn't horrible but it just doesn't come across as being written by someone who has real horse sense. Of course it's hard to judge any project on such a small sample so don't be discouraged. Giddy-Up!!
     
  12. urviews

    urviews Junior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    20
    It didnt touch me for some reason.
     
  13. ContentWriter

    ContentWriter Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    May 8, 2013
    Messages:
    2,738
    Likes Received:
    349
    Occupation:
    Content Writer
    Home Page:
    Hi, @hasan7707. I hope you don't mind if I'm going to cite a few areas that need an improvement. :)

    Is this meant for your personal blog post? If it is, I think it's just fine. If it isn't, I suggest you make it more informative.

    I didn't check the entire article, but here are a few things I spotted. I hope you would find this helpful and encouraging to do better.

    There is a contradiction in this sentence. Your past participle "had" does not blend well with the remainder of your sentence.

    You don't start a sentence with "but". It should have been written like this, "I feed, halter, and medicate them, but I never needed to slap or hit them."
    Use the series comma, too.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  14. hasan7707

    hasan7707 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    48
    Thanks a lot mate, I was seeking exactly this kind of help. I'll keep your advises in mind.
     
  15. ContentWriter

    ContentWriter Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    May 8, 2013
    Messages:
    2,738
    Likes Received:
    349
    Occupation:
    Content Writer
    Home Page:
    You're welcome, @hasan7707. Just a friendly-reminder, that should have been "advice" or "pieces of advice" (never "advices").
    Advises is a singular verb.
    Advice is a noun.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 2
  16. hasan7707

    hasan7707 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    48
    O
    Oh my 0_0 I have so much to learn, thanks for everything
     
  17. ContentWriter

    ContentWriter Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    May 8, 2013
    Messages:
    2,738
    Likes Received:
    349
    Occupation:
    Content Writer
    Home Page:
    We all have so much to learn, @hasan7707. What I like about you is your attitude. There are people who easily get offended when you give them friendly corrections. You are humble. You are receptive to feedback. :)
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  18. MisterF

    MisterF Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2009
    Messages:
    6,308
    Likes Received:
    4,818
    Occupation:
    Conference Organiser, Business Advisor.,
    Location:
    JADIP
    Home Page:
    On Facebook you'd be called a Grammar Nazi or something :)
     
  19. Walash

    Walash Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2014
    Messages:
    293
    Likes Received:
    54
    You shouldn't post your unique content on public forums. People might steal your articles and use as their own (assuming you didn't post it or it isn't indexed yet).

    As said above, if it's for a personal blog I'd rate your article 7.5/10.
     
    • Thanks Thanks x 1
  20. hasan7707

    hasan7707 Junior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2015
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    48
    Yes, it is an unique article, and posting it for a review on bhw doesn't hurt much as I'm learning a lot from this place.

    Thanks a lot for your feedback, I mean it. :)