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Can you guys PLEASE me some feedback on my sales page?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by lehpet, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. lehpet

    lehpet Registered Member

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    I would really love some feedback as this is my first sales page. Opt-in to the squeeze page with any info and it will take you to the sales page. The links on the sales page are not working yet.

    Code:
    http://www.freewebsitekc.com
    Thanks peeps!

    :grouphug: (Awwww...isn't that cute!)
     
  2. superspiderman

    superspiderman BANNED BANNED

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    1. I find that scrolling text really annoying and distracting - its draws the eyes away from your actual message. I realise what your trying to do (draw attention when many firefox tabs are open) but I dont think its a good tool.

    2. Maybe frame the video in some sort of Graphic - Just so the corners dont look so 'Sharp'
     
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  3. lehpet

    lehpet Registered Member

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    Thanks guys!

    I kinda thought that too about the scrolling text - sometimes I learn new tricks and get over zealous!

    Any comments on the actual sales page - the one you see after you opt-in to the squeeze page?
     
  4. jimbo2087

    jimbo2087 Regular Member

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    so your expecting us to sign up so we can see the sales page?

    lol

    direct link please
     
  5. lehpet

    lehpet Registered Member

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    You can put anything in those boxes, I'm not farming BHW for emails...lol!

    Direct Link:

    Code:
    http://www.freewebsitekc.com/salesletter1.html
    I just noticed that I need to break up a couple of the super long paragraphs into smaller chunks. Is there a specific rule of thumb for the max # of sentences that should be in one paragraph on a sales page?
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  6. stargate03

    stargate03 Registered Member

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    Salespage

    way too much bold, separate actions from standard text using colour and font increases

    you need to put spacing on either side of your text, its too close to the border

    You have capitals in a sentence in a paragraph, separate them so the caps stand out

    cant see the point of the "stop" first sentence as they havent actually read anything yet

    for me personally, you talk about providing a business with an amazing looking site to increase their online presence, but you try to sell to them with a really basic and average looking site, would i want to buy a site from you seeing what yours looks like, NO

    Make or buy a really amazing site and impress the potential client before he even starts reading
     
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  7. lehpet

    lehpet Registered Member

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    I tried to use my site for an affiliate program and some BHW members though that I needed a sales page. That thread is HERE

    My actual site is here:

    Code:
    http://www.elliotoliverdesigns.com
    Should I add a link to the site on the sales page?

    I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LINK EVERYTHING TOGETHER WITHOUT CONFUSING THE VISITOR AND LOSING THE DEFINITIVE 'CALL TO ACTION'...
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  8. theconfidenceman

    theconfidenceman Regular Member

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    my critique..

    your not delivering on your promise. your big headline is.. watch and learn how to flood your business with new customers, yet you dont deliver on the promise at all. youre giving some random info about online presense. since you didnt deliver as promised, it unlikely I will give you my email.

    your message to market is off. your asking for my email, and you will give me a book about social media? what does that have to do with your initial promise, and what does it have to do with what you are really selling.. web site design? there is a disconnect.

    then, once I am in, which I only did as a favor...

    I have no idea what you are offering, what cost, what benefits, etc. etc.

    your process needs to flow from the traffic source keywords on to the sale. so if you are targeting, web site design, and you want my email..

    page 1 should present the difference between good design and bad design..
    the squeeze would offer perhaps free (design related stuff) buttons, graphics, maybe a logo..
    the upsell or sales page should pitch.. your service designing a complete site

    think of your site as a brick and mortar on a major street. how do you get them in the door, and then what do you show them, and what do you do to get them interested..
    the sales letter itself is secondary to the overall process and most importantly.. the offer.. the offer is the most important element.

    hope that helps ya..
     
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  9. stargate03

    stargate03 Registered Member

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    Ahhh i see, right now for some decent advice

    firstly ignore 99.9% of BHW advice as everyone does things differently

    You dont need a squeeze page as you already have an offer page on your site, as in the Free Site page

    Link to that page

    But you need to think more along how buyers will look to proceed through your site

    Free site page - thats ok

    then lead them to a page where they can create an account

    then to a page where they can choose a template without leaving your site

    then to choose the hosting package

    at each stage show them what they get and for how much etc, make them want to continue

    main rule of Internet Marketing, once a lead is at your site, never point them away from your site
     
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  10. lehpet

    lehpet Registered Member

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    Great (and friendly - TY so much) advice.

    I've just been working on this for so many hours/days/weeks that it's starting to seem surreal and not make any sense anymore... :puppy_dog I need to put myself in the customer's place but my brain is so fried that I can't!

    I'm going to go take a walk, get some fresh air, and then come back and read this advice again!

    THANK YOU!!!