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Can please someone review my squeez page?

Discussion in 'Black Hat SEO' started by Dalun, Apr 8, 2010.

  1. Dalun

    Dalun Junior Member

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  2. Dayum

    Dayum BANNED BANNED

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    I would say a lot less text. I would also change the numbers to bulletpoints.
     
  3. slicer

    slicer BANNED BANNED

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    Since you asked for an honest critique, that is what you'll get.

    Oh BTW it will be not served with any sugar.

    The opening is not good.
    There is no relationship building.
    Your lead in is disjointed.

    The sign up hook is dull.

    The lead out is missing.

    Ask yourself this one question and answer it honestly.

    "Would YOU leave your name and email on that page?"

    Presto you have your answer.

    Now for the good stuff.

    Don't give up! :apple:
     
  4. DebtFreeMe

    DebtFreeMe Regular Member

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    Less text, more to the point, and better use of English. Also, you need a much more highlighted call to action, it is buried at the bottom of the text.

    It took me a bit to realize you were offering tips on... Better sex? Larger Penis? Muscles? Confidence? Self esteem? OK, maybe I don't know what you are offering, so you need to be more focused and too the point. You might think about a video...

    Hope this helps...
     
  5. GreenDolla

    GreenDolla Regular Member

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  6. d4l1t0s

    d4l1t0s Power Member

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    I m not a fun of text pages so what I would suggest is :
    use a video
    your page will look like

    header
    video
    email subscription
    call to action
    more advantages of your product
    call to action
    buy now
    email subscription
    I know it looks confusing but it is working :)
     
  7. kenblack

    kenblack Regular Member

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    It's not bad, but far too much text, and the "Join here by adding..." is far too subtle, and easy to miss. You want that to stand out, and easy to read. (one or two sentences max)
     
  8. Dalun

    Dalun Junior Member

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    thanks this just the stuff i need.

    can you describe what is a lead in and out is? also for relationship building, do i get more personally but keep the message short?

    the target audience is men looking for information in topics such as relationships, penis size, attraction and becoming a better man
     
  9. kenblack

    kenblack Regular Member

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    People are LAZY!!! when it comes to reading a page. The more they have to read, the less interested they will be. Use pictures and videos, and large fonts.. Keep it VERY short and to the point.