Business Advice: The Sacred Rules Of Acquisition

Discussion in 'Making Money' started by The Doctor, Jun 19, 2016.

  1. The Doctor

    The Doctor Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

    Dec 18, 2010
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    Here are most of the known Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition. Some of it is good advice. Some of them are terrible business practices I don't advocate. I don't by any means suggest living by all of them. Still, I thought it would make for an interesting post. Just don't take it all seriously.

    I've changed some of the wording to apply to the world we live in rather than the fiction from which they're derived...

    • Once you have their money, you never give it back.
    • Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to.
    • Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
    • Keep your ears open and your eyes on the mark.
    • Opportunity plus instinct equals profit.
    • Greed is eternal.
    • A deal is a deal.
    • A contract is a contract is a contract... but only between blackhat marketers.
    • A blackhat marketer without profit is no blackhat marketer at all.
    • Never place friendship above profit.
    • A wise man can hear profit in the wind.
    • Nothing is more important than your health... except for your money.
    • It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
    • War is good for business.
    • Expand or die.
    • Never trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.
    • The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
    • Good customers are as rare as money. Treasure them.
    • Free advice is seldom cheap.
    • The riskier the road, the greater the profit.
    • Knowledge equals profit.
    • Home is where the heart is, but the Internet made of money.
    • Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
    • Females and finances don't mix.
    • Every man has his price.
    • Nature decays, but money lasts forever.
    • Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
    • Treat people in your debt like family... exploit them.
    • Never have sex with the boss's sister.
    • You can't make a deal if you're dead.
    • Wives serve, brothers inherit.
    • Whisper your way to success.
    • Hear all, trust nothing.
    • It's always good to know about new customers before they walk in your door.
    • New customers are like razor-toothed gree-worms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back.
    • Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.
    • Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them.
    • Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach.
    • You can't free a fish from water.
    • Money lasts longer than lust.
    • Never be afraid to mislabel a product.
    • Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for money.
    • No good deed ever goes unpunished.
    • A man is only worth the sum of his possessions.
    • After you've exploited someone, it never hurts to thank them. That way, it's easier to exploit them next time.
    • Exploitation begins at home.
    • Time, like money, is a highly limited commodity.
    • Always inspect the merchandise before making a deal.
    • Why ask, when you can take?
    • A good lie is easier to believe than the truth.
    • The best deal is the one that brings the most profit.
    • Money is everything.
    • Small print leads to large risk.
    • Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
    • Satisfaction is not guaranteed.
    • There is nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.
    • Don't tell customers more than they need to know.
    • She can touch your body, but never your money.
    • Profit is its own reward.
    • Never confuse wisdom with luck.
    • Never ask when you can take.
    • Never trust anybody taller than you.
    • Rate divided by time equals profit.
    • Take joy from profit and profit from joy.
    • There is no substitute for success.
    • Keep your lies consistent.
    • Risk doesn't always equal reward.
    • The flimsier the product, the higher the price.
    • Never let the competition know what you're thinking.
    • Learn the customer's weaknesses so you can better take advantage of them.
    • Vengeance will cost you everything.
    • Ask not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.
    • Enough... is never enough.
    • If you can't take it with you, don't go.
    • Trust is the biggest liability of all.
    • When it's good for business, tell the truth.
    • Faith moves mountains... of inventory.
    • There is no honor in poverty.
    • Hope doesn't keep the lights on.
    • Always have sex with the boss.
    • Everything is for sale, even friendship.
    • Even a blind man can recognize the glow of money.
    • Listen to secrets, but never repeat them.
    • Only fools pay retail.
    • There's nothing wrong with charity... as long as it winds up in your pocket.
    • Even in the worst of times, someone turns a profit.
    • Know your enemies... but do business with them always.
    • Not even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.
    • Let others keep their reputation. You keep their money.
    • It's never too late to fire the staff.
    • Trouble comes in threes.
    • The justification for profit is profit.
    • Always know what you're buying.
    • Sometimes what you get free costs entirely too much.
    • Beware the man who doesn't make time for sex.
    • You can't buy fate.
    • More is good. All is better.
    • Always leave yourself an out.
    • A wife is a luxury... a smart accountant a necessity.
    • A wealthy man can afford anything except a conscience.
    • When in doubt, lie.
    • If you believe it, they believe it.
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2016