Routers: In a shocking move today, eBay, the worlds largest online auction house changed the way it does business. These sweeping changes will have long lasting consequences for those that used it's services to sell or buy products. The CEO released this statement: "As we strive to collect a larger percentage of the final value of items sold on eBay and further take advantage of the little people who use our website to sell their goods, we realized that there is a better and more economical way to part you from your money. Because we are now deeply embedded in your finances due to our purchase, and your use of Paypal, we've decided that we will adjust the fees in the following way..." A list of the new fee's were included: EBAY: Final Value Fees will now be 100% of the sales price. Buyers will now send payment directly to eBay. (This was basically the case before, since we own paypal, but now we are going to drop the charade that we operate as two separate companies.) Any seller or buyer who speaks out against these new policies will have funds directly taken from their bank account as a new 'We really got you bt the balls fee' Sellers or Buyer who attempt to leave eBay will have funds directly taken from their bank account and used by our executives to buy 'blow' for the annual company party. Then they will be reported to the police for trying to sell kiddy pr0n on our site. PAYPAL: Paypal fee's will also be assessed leaving you a negative balance for every sale. Paypal will ban people at random just for the lolz EPN: Instead of us paying you for leads, you will now pay us everytime someone you send to ebay makes a purchase. We Reserve the right to fuck you further in the future at every turn. In closing, the CEO had this to say... "We think these new changes will go over great. eBay is always committed to our community."