LOL I found this shit and wanted to share it with you guys who havent seen it its called BUMVERTISING Before understanding Bumvertisingâ„¢, it is important to understand the business model that is utilized by the classic homeless sign holder, and the business decisions that he makes in order to optimize his revenue on a daily basis. Bumvertising is meant to augment the income of a beggar, not replace it. The following are the 7 steps to a Highly Successful Bum: Create a Catchy Slogan for the Bum Sign Write the Slogan in Clear Letters on a Good Piece of Cardboard Pick a Highly Trafficked Corner with a Stop Light Stand Up and Look Engaged Be Polite and Stay Relatively Sober Obey All Regional Laws and Bum Codes Consider All Supplementary Forms of Income Step 1) Creating a Catchy Slogan for the Bum Sign Homeless signs are created by beggars. Those signs are made in order to incite the highest level of generosity from a prospect. Bums generally try to generate donations by using humor or sympathy. A sign used to create sympathy might read "Lost Job, Need Food". In this case, the bum is able to relate to all those who understand the hardship of losing a job. Hunger is no fun. Once an onlooker can relate, he can feel sympathy. Once a prospect feels sympathy, he is a good candidate to produce a donation. A humorous sign might read "Ninjas Killed My Family, Need Money for Revenge". Clearly, the odds of ninjas actually killing the man's family are low, but to society, the bum has been able to provide a quick laugh, which in some peoples' minds deserves the reciprocity of a small donation. Humorous signs are most effective against walking prospects, as opposed to driving ones. A group of people can laugh together, admire the beggar's sign, and donate. Perhaps, they are even able to make a conversation piece of the homeless sign. Some bums find great success in signs that combine humor and honesty, to create a sympathetic situation. Such a sign might read "Need Money For Beer and Pot". Most of society has been in a situation where their frustration has gotten the best of them, and their desire for luxuries has made them desperate. This funny bum sign is especially effective if the slogan is unique to the viewer. Step 2) Write the Slogan in Clear Letters on a Good Piece of Cardboard A clear, clean, readable bum sign is crucial. People need to be able to read the sign without squinting. Dirty, messy, or bent bum signs do not optimize readership. A good beggar knows first to find a sturdy piece of cardboard or even thin foam board. With his catchy slogan in mind, he fills out his piece of cardboard, like a painter would press oil to canvas. A thick black marker is critical. Colored pens, or thin sharpies may work for foot traffic, but a serious bum knows that his sign is no less important than a hammer to a carpenter or a calculator to an accountant. A lazy or uncommitted sign holding vagrant will allow a soiled sign to significantly affect his revenue stream. A mud puddle, coworkers vomit, and general overuse should be cause to make a new sign. Step 3) Pick a Highly Trafficked Corner with a Stop Light Just like any business, a professional sign holder must take into consideration volume of traffic, and conversion. Bums need lots of cars that stop frequently for long enough to read a sign and donate. Metered highway onramps, exits and large intersections are the best. Positioning oneself on the driver's side of the road is crucial. Even with the most brilliant, hilarious and sympathy inducing slogan, crispest piece of cardboard, if the driver can't reach out the window to give you a donation, forget about it. Step 4) Stand Up and Look Engaged Standing up is an important step that many amateur bums overlook. A beggar who sits down on a crate instead of standing up, appears lazy. His sign will have less visibility, and people will think he's lazy for sitting down and not engaging his audience. Standing up is also a prerequisite for getting a Bumvertising contract. Since Bumvertising signs are always attached on the bottom portion of a transient's main sign, a sitting bum is not eligible for a second sign, merely because his original sign is resting on the ground. If he stands up, he has created additional advertising space. Step 5) Be Polite, and Stay Relatively Sober Any business owner knows that the customer is always right. This expression evolved once businesses realized that importance of returning customers and referrals. A good sign holding vagrant will take every donation, and graciously thank his customer. If the donator smells booze on his breath, or sees a bottle of malt liquor next to him, he is likely to feel regret , and will probably not donate in the future. Since many drivers frequent the same routes to and from work everyday, a good sign holder never underestimates the importance of repeat business. Step 6) Obey all Regional Laws and Bum Codes Avoid getting beat up by other sign holders, or getting ticketed by the cops. Learning the rules in your local area pays off. The thirty minute rule was created to maintain order in the industry and it should be respected. Regional begging laws may seem unfair, but a $40 city ticket, will bring your daily take down considerably. Take rules in to consideration. Step 7) Consider all Supplementary Forms of Income A career bum will understand all six of the aforementioned steps, and will be running a solid sole proprietorship for himself. There are however ways to increase revenue. Accept all food and drink offered. Even if you prefer Doritos to a bag of carrots, you may be able to barter with your co-workers later in the day. If someone speaks of needing day labor, consider his offer. Even if you can't help him yourself, you may be able to refer the business out, and get a favor in return later on down the road. Seek out Bumvertising contracts. Bumvertising contracts are the easiest extra money a bum can make. If you are already out on the street holding one sign, why not increase your daily revenue, by attaching a light weight sign to the bottom of your main sign?