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Are all up people as comfortable talking in real life about IM or anything else in person?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by freckletone, Mar 21, 2011.

  1. freckletone

    freckletone Regular Member

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    I always assumed that most fellow webmasters were like me; super anti social and "hate people" but I guess not. I read about some internet folks even calling local businesses "cold calling" them or talking to clients over the phone.

    I am so anti social I could not ever talk to clients on the phone; I just hate dealing with people. My f/t job is SEO at an agency but we have a customer service dept, so luckily I don't have to talk to clients (I think they can tell I am not sociable).

    Also at meetings at work I can never talk, like if someone asks my opinion for something about a SEO matter I never feel comfortable talking; it's really bad anxiety. Whereas if someone were to ask me on a message board I would have no problems at all.

    Are you guys as comfortable talking about business in real life as on the internet? Like if someone asked you a basic question about SEO would you be able to personable and answer back or would you get scared and freeze up because you're not used to talking to people? It's not the nature of the question; I always know the answer. It's just that I can't answer on the spot in person but I can answer on the spot via IM or on a message board. I just have no social skills.

    I am scared to do SEO for local clients because I'm scared I will have to talk to them on the phone and then I'll die.

    Anyone else like this?? Or are you guys all able to talk in person about IM and SEO without freaking out and having a nervous breakdown? Like if someone asked you "How much does it matter whether a keyword is in a domain name"? Would you be able to answer that verbally in-person with face to face contact? Or would you only feel more comfortable on a message board?

    It's not just IM or SEO though, I hate talking to people about anything. I am very anti social and get a nervous breakdown talking about anything... lol
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2011
  2. Monrox

    Monrox Power Member

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    Cute :)

    No, you are not anti-social, you just don't like to beg. Take a good look at your dignity and you'll see I am right.
     
  3. quicknrandom

    quicknrandom Regular Member

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    Haha it's just a skill you have to develop. If you want, I'll take the calls for you. There is nothing to be afraid of
     
  4. aReJay

    aReJay Power Member

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    Hmm,

    I think I have an anxiety and self confidence CPA offer here somewhere.....

    But seriously you need to be able to talk to people to be an effective SEO, SEO is essentially an extension of marketing which requires you to be a whore.

    If you ever want to run a decent size firm (where the real money is) your gonna need to be able to interact with people, to be really successful you're need to be likable, funny and memorable.

    Go and get a couple of ebooks on the subject.

    -aReJay
     
  5. freckletone

    freckletone Regular Member

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    Hmmm you may be right. I hate begging; I have WAY too much pride and I do sort of think I am too good to beg. However, I really am anti social for reals.
     
  6. zacatictac

    zacatictac Power Member

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    I feel the same way sometimes. My people skills arn't up tp par, thats why I turned to IM. I can fake it when I need to, but I dont'nt like it
     
  7. brent360

    brent360 Junior Member

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    I wasn't always comfortable socially, but over time I've learned to be. I used to be extremely shy, anti-social, quiet, and so on. I've learned that being confident and to-the-point is one of the best ways to...

    1. Get what you want
    2. Communicate effectively
    3. Network socially
    4. Get work done more efficiently
    5. The list goes on...

    I think the key to my success in this area was that I stopped caring about what people thought and started prioritizing things in my life. It's a simple matter of logic. Which matters more: What Sally Sue at the front desk thinks about my appearance, speech, agenda, and so on, or how quickly I can get done what I need to get done (which will directly impact how quickly I can enjoy my personal life and everything I actually care about)? I'm not talking about confidence in the way of an overbearing jerk, but rather confidence in a reasonable, practical manner.

    It's no longer, "Oh no, what if they think I sound too young? Will they respect me? Do I sound silly? What if I make a fool of myself...?"

    It's now, "Hi. I need this problem taken care of. Here are the exact details and all of my particular requirements. [If the person complicates the situation, or presents a problem] If you're not able to do what I need, please transfer me to someone who can. Thanks for your time!"

    People respect a person who knows what he wants, knows what he's talking about, and isn't a jerk. Honestly, I think confidence is a big part of really streamlining my life overall--it reduces stress, promotes productivity, makes me happier, and, well, more confident... I'd go so far as to say that being more confident has increased my bottom line. :)

    Edit: I've also learned that confidence (or a lack of it) accounts for most of what motivates a lot of people. Everyone is so concerned with feeling accepted amongst the rest of the herd that they waste most of their time being fake. Once you remove that (negatively) motivating aspect of your life, in my experience, it's easier to be... yourself!
     
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  8. TheNatural

    TheNatural Registered Member

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    Although I've never had any problems face to face, cold calling over the telephone was something I'd thought I'd never do. Then one day a work I had to make a call - and I couldn't exactly say no to my boss? So what did I do? Wrote down what I was going to say, took a deep breath, and just rang. And I was glad I did. Now I manage to do it without even thinking twice. I really think practice makes perfect - maybe start off small, talk to the shopkeeper where you get your groceries, ask how his day was, and then once you're comfortable enough, transfer those skills to the telephone. The hardest part is always the first time, but it def gets easier after.
     
  9. Monrox

    Monrox Power Member

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    Well, cold calling is begging. You have to be submissive by default and that's not easy for people with at least some selfesteem. The other party has the power to cut you off anytime they feel like it. Who would submit to that willingly. That's why callcenter / customer support jobs aren't really desirable and pay so little. The reps bring business in but they have to put up with constant abuse, sarcasm and mocking.

    Naturally, the boss tries to keep himself out of it.

    What brent360 describes is the other side, a situation where you expect someone to fix your problem. Now that type of calls must be 100% demanding.
     
  10. jinxy71

    jinxy71 Newbie

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    consider some 'sales training' torrents - they put you in the right mindset.
     
  11. profseo

    profseo Junior Member

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    Well i am not sure..but it sounds like SAD(Social Anxiety Disorder) .....if this is the case then you must feel shy to speak anything face to face, not ONLY seo......i too feel shy in social situations , i usually avoid SOCIAL ENCOUNTERS like wedding or cofee etc....I feel like having 0% confidence in myself...also i bother about what others think about my apperance or my presence at that situations...
     
  12. bizroot

    bizroot Supreme Member

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    huh cold calling, begging lol what you guys are getting at... Selling is not begging and if you can't understand this then you are hopeless... With your standards you should not try to sell directly or indirectly to any one because anyhow you are begging LOL (based on your definition asking to buy, trying to sell product, pitching for your product)...

    With this kind of attitude you will not do good in business or job... Only hope is to win some lottery and keep spending whole life on it... Only buy in your life so you will have feeling of other people begging to you... LOL Sick

    OP it's very important that you develop that skill if you want to do good in your life... It's not rocket science but you can't do it in a day... Just try little harder to socialize more :)
     
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  13. Monrox

    Monrox Power Member

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    bizroot, I didn't mean to come up so black and white. What I wanted to say is that 'please buy this vacuum cleaner', or 'please use my skills' is not the way to make the real money. Just on this forum there are many threads each week asking how to get accepted in some high grade program, AS, Aff, CPA etc. They all need publishers but they've managed to turn the (begging) tables.

    It is ok when the potential clients are calling you, it means you have a valuable asset. If I need to call/persuade them, I am most likely just another provider offering nothing that countless others before me weren't offering.

    And if it is something unknown, I'd go with advertisement.

    That is not to say that if we can outsource cold calling for pennies we shouldn't do it. I just don't see a reason for the OP to do it if he doesn't feel like it.
     
  14. powerteam

    powerteam Regular Member

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    I kind of understand what you mean. I am actually putting together a web design and hosting campaign for my local area. I have already done a few sites for local businesses, but all where through referral of a friend of mine. Once I met with them a few times, I was able to open up and really able to get cracking on their site.

    So, back to make current campaign, it only made sense to hire him to be a sales manager. I know that I can deliver what is promised and much more, but I always want to under value my time and knowledge in hopes that the customers say yes. With him in the mix, it will mean that won't happen and in turn a greater profit for the both of us.

    It's something that I have to work on. The funny thing is though, in a social setting with peers or what have you, I'm generally the life of the party.
     
  15. pigsnog

    pigsnog Registered Member

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    Three words, social anxiety disorder, and it aint no joke. Been there, still find it hard, but went and spoke with prospective clients today and scored three websites, of a value of about $6000 in total. It's taken a long time to get to this point though. Three years of uni when I felt like shit about myself, can't talk or comment in lectures for fear of looking like an idiot.

    The shame kicks in for no apparent reason, and logically speaking I have no reason to be ashamed. It's firmly rooted in your past history. Parents that don't help, school that doesn't help, bullying and all that BS.

    Honest post. I'll shuttup now.
     
  16. nightshade787

    nightshade787 Junior Member

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    yep. I know how that feels.

    I used to be shit scared to speak to people on the phone. But in my company, I got promoted and they put me on a place where I have to speak with the clients daily. The first few days I was nervous and absolutely hated it. After few weeks, I became good at it. Strangely enough, the more I did it, and the more I started voicing my opinion on meetings, I got more recognition (and money) in the company.

    Don't waste your money on ebooks and passive learning products. I've been there, they're rubbish.

    It's a skill you can learn. And you must learn it if you really need to fast track your career/life. The only way to learn is by practice. Join Toastmasters. No one was born with these skills.
     
  17. oxonbeef

    oxonbeef BANNED BANNED

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    @monrox, It appears you have the wrong concept about selling. Selling is not asking people to buy your products. Selling is about offering solutions to their problems. The
    issue many salespeople come up against is that they are desperate to sell when they should really be presenting their offer in a way the prospect is happy if not eager to buy.
    People don't like being sold to but they love buying.
    I have many a client thank me for solving their issues that is why I get referrals.
    Everyone is a born natural salesman it is our social surroundings that make us feel it's wrong to manipulate feelings within other people to get what we want.
    I talk up my business every chance I get. I'm not begging, I'm offering solutions, that's my trade and I'm proud of it.
     
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    Last edited: Mar 21, 2011
  18. bizroot

    bizroot Supreme Member

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    LOL example you put forward doesn't qualify as sales it's pure begging... You right... Definitions haven't changed it's just fools are considering begging as selling and they are doing it every day so making life hard for others...

     
  19. IamNRE

    IamNRE Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Your very brave to share your problems and hopefully one day you will find a way of dealing with them so you can live your life to the fullest. Cause life is very boring without people in your life to share your joy and failures.

    Any ways, like its been said by other people just put your self out there and take it one step at a time. If your not confident enough to talk about one topic maybe first try talking to strangers about a topic you are more confident about, then as time goes im sure you will learn to become more confident to talk about most things.

    Remember we are ALL just human. Everyone has social anxiety to some level.

    Just talk to people like you would like to be talked to and treat them like you want to be treated.

    Good luck to you.
     
  20. britcpa

    britcpa Power Member

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    as IamNRE said to the o.p., its very brave of you to open yourself up like this on bhw and im glad to see that your courage been rewarded by replies that are only positive and helpful.

    its also interesting to see that the names of some of the great and the good of bhw are replying so thoughtfully to you on here, which just goes to show how alive and well this community is.

    id say that SELLING isnt the main issue, for you right now; SELF CONFIDENCE is and for my own part, id highly recommend that you go and find as much material as you can from JIM ROHN or BRIAN TRACY who are excellent speakers on the subject of self-improvement.

    i fully realise that the subject line of SELF IMPROVEMENT can be viewed cynically many, but at the end of the day, we are all raw material and we either choose to leave ourselves in that state, or we choose to refine ourselves.

    if its to be the former, the chances are that we condemn ourselves to a permanent state of dissatisfaction in our life and if its to be the latter, chances are that we'll need the help of a coach or a mentor who can point us in the right direction.

    rohn and tracy either individually or together are highly successful at what they do because of the way they communicate so easily with their audience and on that basis, ive pulled out 3 quick and easy jim rohn youtube videos to watch:

    Jim Rohn - How To Have Your Best Year Ever

    1 of 3
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfA-qNWLBHo&feature=related

    2 of 3
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2AyudSJl_s

    3 of 3
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWOJt1kCYP0&feature=related


    with regards to SELLING, brian tracy created a fantastic sales training course many many years ago and its value still holds true today because it addresses the the fundamental principles of business and that is DEALING WITH PEOPLE.

    brian tracey - '24 techniques for closing the sale' (number 1 of 24)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDTo8Y6fAWM&feature=related


    i hope these videos are useful not only to the o.p., but for other readers of this thread because when alls said and done, all of us can suffer from lack of confidence in all kinds of situations - the trick is to realise that you can change that and quite quickly too. you just need the tools to speed it up - think of it like link building manually compared to link building with scrapebox/xrumer/SEnuke - same applies to putting these guys on your team - they will supercharge your progress.

    these guys have hours and hours and hours of material you can watch/listen to, but for now, im just suggesting that you spend 20 minutes on the jim rohn videos and you can decide if his message and principles resonate with you. same applies to the brian tracy video.

    if you watch them and you dont connect with their message, no problem, youve just burned up a bit of time and eliminated an inappropriate solution for you - but - what if you get enough inspiration and motivation from watching them that you start thinking that you CAN change and improve your current situation? wouldnt that be exciting?

    hey - it could happen. just press 'play' ;-)
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2011