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Anyone has a heart filled with hatred?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by BlackSeng, Oct 1, 2009.

  1. BlackSeng

    BlackSeng Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    No, I'm not ranting here. But do anyone have a heart filled with hatred?


    I used to be a happy person - always optimistic about things.

    When I experienced my first panic attack at the age of 7, I started to become different - I lived in fear everyday. I developed panic disorder.

    My dad invested in the stock market and the bubble burst happened - our family from a middle-income family became poor-middle income-level.

    I do not know why, I've never offended anyone in my life but I'm treated like crap, despised, outcasted, rejected, neglected by relatives and other people.

    During the age of 9 or so, I had a puppy love. But because my grades wasn't good, I was pushed to the lower academic level. The girl never made any eye-contact with me since... she always gave that despised look at me whenever we bump into each other.

    My relatives look down on me and see me as a worthless, good-for-nothing human being.

    My self-esteen deteriorated and I started to experienc severe panic attacks. Till this day I'm still a virgin and have never dated a girl.

    Then when I entered college, I fell in love with this girl. I tried so hard to win her but she always hang out with arseholes instead. During valentine's day I brought her roses and chocolates but she rejected them. I felt so humiliated and ashamed that I hated myself a lot. That happpened on 2007.

    That is when the child within has died and the man is born.

    On 2008, I decided everything needs to be changed... I wrote a list of goals and swore to succeed in life no matter what. I've succeeded a few minor goals like overcoming my panic attacks and now I'm focusing on financial success.

    I just feel so pissed about it that everyday I swore to get back at them and succeed to show them back.


    Sorry for being a bitch here. Just that, I feel so pissed off... although these matters are years ago, it still pisses me off. I felt like going on rage and killing them all, but I calm myself and focus on succeeding instead. I mean, those shit keep falling on me when I'm trying to get up - I fell deeper and deeper.

    But nah, I'm immune to those shits now.. I don't give a damn and I'm always focusing on my goals instead. Once i've become a successful entrepreneur and investor, I will defintely write a biography of my life.


    Anyone else have a heart filled with hatred?
     
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    Last edited: Oct 1, 2009
  2. MuonTrail

    MuonTrail Registered Member

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    It's not filled... I just have a special spite-filled place for the douchebags who didn't think I could succeed at this. And once I've reached what I feel is an impressive level of wealth I am going to rub my sweet, sweet success in each of their faces in the most asshole'ish way I can think of. And I'm going to enjoy every moment of it.

    But it's been over a year since I've had any contact with any of those people... so I'm not really (that) angry anymore; I rarely even think of them. I'm more focused on just building my business.

    The thing is, while spite/revenge can serve as good motivation to get things done and be successful, try not to dwell on it too much (even though they may have been assholes). After a point, it really just interferes with your ability to do what you need to do. You can't have a clear head and concentrate fully on your business if part of you is constantly fuming over things that happened in the past.

    Screw your relative and anyone else who looks down on you. Just forget them... you'll have more than enough time for revenge later when you're making $x,xxx/day and they're still wasting all their time working a regular j-o-b.

    I guess the point is... try not to let that shit get to you. Remember, the opinions of worthless people are worthless. ;)
     
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  3. Sume2

    Sume2 BANNED BANNED

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    I feel you and I would like to help you... but I can't. Everything that I say is just another anonymous guy on a black background forum.
    But if could give you just a little peace of my experience, it would be:

    - THEY DON'T CARE:
    as long as you keep dreaming of succeeding and showing them how much you worth, you are not going to. Even if you make a lot of money, you will still feel that you need to show them who you are. When you start loving yourself by WHO YOU ARE, you are not going to give a damn about what other people think about you. And you NEED that freedom.

    - IT'S NOT HER FAULT:
    if she rejected you, she was not a bitch, she was just a woman. I used to think that women can not be understood, till I started improving my skills with them. It took me more than 3 years, dating more than 200 women and God knows how many (maybe 1.200) girls I cold approached on the street, bars, supermarket, etc... till I realize how the things work. It's so easy now (actually, I'm a "dating guru/coach", but that's another story), but what I mean is "skills with woman are just like skills with SEO/BH". At first, nothing makes sense (like that girl rejecting you and going out with jerks), but if you keep pushing and LEARNING and PRACTICING!... you are going to get to the point of "ohhhh but this is SO easy!".

    - HATE IS GOOD:
    Yeah, you read me. Hate is good. Cause when you stop hating, you have all that energy but you can USE IT for your own benefit.
    I was scammed by one of my best friends and business associate. He screwed me SO HARD, that my ass passed from "metaphorically hurting" to "literally bleeding". I hated him SO much... and I still do a little. But it's just the kind of hate of "some day, I don't know where, I'm going to see him on the streets and beat him so, so, so hard...". But after two years, my wound healed and I can think now, work again and grow a new business... I'm reviving, like a tall, awesome, blackhatted, motherfucking fenix.

    You will be fine and good luck.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 1, 2009
  4. BlackSeng

    BlackSeng Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Thanks guys. Kudos.
     
  5. silentthunder

    silentthunder Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Same thing happened to me recently. Sore butt and all but no blood...:eek: I wrote about it on another thread.

    I didn't hate him because I had a certain conviction he'd come back crawling and I never even scolded him. I only let him know without confrontation that I knew what he did. I decided to do it the way they do it in the offline corporate world. Put him on a mental/actual cold list and treat him cordial and when he came crawling back in less than a month :eek::D:eek: I told him I accepted his apology and we'd do business soon.

    Meanwhile all his homies and girlies that HE introduced me to are getting PAID from doing business with me and he has yet to realize he's on my cold list cause when he emails me or calls I keep it very friendly and personal. I tell him I'll have something for him "soon".

    When he wakes up in a week or two his butt and mind will be sore and bleeding like mine almost were. Before you go feeling sorry for him this Dude fcuked me so hard and intentionally twice that he obviously is a closet HATER with HATRED for me while pretending to be my eternally grateful apprentice/friend/partner. tHAT's WRONG. :( I still don't hate him. That stuff will make you sick. He'll appreciate how I handled him one day when he grows up.


    _____________
    R.I.P. Madinaz
     
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  6. pigsnog

    pigsnog Registered Member

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    Code:
    http://www.amazon.com/Angry-Heart-Overcoming-Borderline-Interactive/dp/1572240806
    Sorry, couldn't resist. I get it, got over it, you can too.
     
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  7. popcrdom29

    popcrdom29 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    OP I feel sorry about your situation. People will be a-holes but you can't let it get to you. You should surround with positive thinking people, join some type of club that you might enjoy, join the gym and start working out, go bike riding, swimming, hiking, if you're religious then join a church. Do something to occupy your time.

    Last but not least, consider seeing a psychiatrist. Seriously, I'm not joking here. A doctor will help you to overcome your anger and hatred. He/she will give you much better advice than anyone here on BHW, except for how to make money of course.

    I hope this helps.
     
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  8. JesusChristSr

    JesusChristSr Regular Member

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  9. lonny41

    lonny41 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    Heart filled with hate???? Pfffft, i have a heart filled with "I don't give fuck".

    I don't waste time or breath, or thought, on those that dont care about me, or anyone that tries to shit on me. I succeed for me, not them, I dont give a fuck what they think.

    Living by spite is fine for awhile, till you conquer all your enemies, then their's nothing to succeed for after that.

    Don't worry about those people, be kind to them, even if you gotta fake it, show them they never got to you, an angry bitter man is a beaten man.
     
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  10. BlackSeng

    BlackSeng Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Thanks guys... I really feel so much better.

    I better stop emo-ing and stop feeling sorry for myself. Forgive the past and smile again. Time to stand up and become successful and start making money.

    Thanks folks!
    If I found any tips or if I were to succeed in internet making one day, I will definitely share it in BHW. Thanks again :)
     
  11. Sume2

    Sume2 BANNED BANNED

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    That's the way to talk!
     
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  12. lucius

    lucius Power Member

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    That makes two of us. good POST !
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2009
  13. ramakazi

    ramakazi Regular Member

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    get buff join the gym feel good :p gives you highs after a mean workout