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Any BHW fathers here?

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by BlackSeng, Dec 28, 2009.

  1. BlackSeng

    BlackSeng Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Well, I'm 20.. single still.

    But somehow this question has been bothering me since I was 18.

    The question is: "How am I going to discipline your child in future?"

    With MOST children being more and more unreasonable; they seem to have stopped respecting elders. I've seen people younger than me actually scolding elderly people before.

    The main concern will be daughters (not being a sexist here). With such media exposure and open-mindedness, I fear that if I have a daughter.. she could be spoilt and become wild very easily....

    so to any man who is a father... how do you tackle such concerns?
     
  2. toxtom

    toxtom BANNED BANNED

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    Uhm so what?
    They have to learn the reality not fairtytales wrote in books!
     
  3. Lukedell

    Lukedell Junior Member

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    If I have a son, I wouldn't mind him being a bit wild but not my daughter. I think getting them heavily involved in sports will benefit them greatly in their adolescent years.

    Also, be up front with them about drinking and drugs. If you were like me, I lived in fear of getting caught for drinking and doing drugs when I was young, but my folks never bothered to sit me down and explain it to me. They never used them like young people do these days. Let you kids know that you're always there for them, no matter what and let them know that they are going to mess up - its all part of life.
     
  4. BlackSeng

    BlackSeng Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Great reply, guys.

    Well, being a strict father isn't the solution since it will only create a "gap" between the children and father.
    Restricting their freedom wouldn't benefit them at all since they wouldn't learn "Street-smart knowledge".

    Damn... Parenting seems complicated. lol. And true about the drugs and alcohol thing, Luke. Great insight.
     
  5. oxonbeef

    oxonbeef BANNED BANNED

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    My daughter is 18, she grew up on a south London council estate surrounded by crack houses, prostitutes, drug dealers and muggers.
    She's now at university and is one of the most well adjusted, open minded people you could
    meet.
    It's the values you instil inside them and the person they are that makes them become a good person. Honesty and openness. I didn't need to teach her that being a single mother
    at 17 was a shit life she saw it all around her. I didn't need to tell her drugs were bad, she saw the dead junkies on the landing. Her Uncle was shot dead when she was 5 and there was never a month go by without someone we knew being shot or stabbed.
    It was watching her grow up that made me change my ways and even now she tells me off when I'm up to my things.
    When I see the girls on the street you find it is girls who have gone there looking for excitement that get themselves out of
    their depth not the girls who were born fighting to get out.
     
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    Last edited: Dec 28, 2009
  6. mrcurious

    mrcurious Newbie

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    Are you sure you wanted to post this here?

    First thing to remember is that partenting is not a popularity contest......they will remain your friend as long as you are consistent. It is when you go back and forth they get mixed signals.

    Second thing is you rule and the kids drool...lol....seriously though, your home is not a democracy, it is a dictatorship and they need rules. As time goes on the trust level goes up and they will abuse it, make no mistake about it. Give them the opportunity to make choices and know they will fall down.

    Third rule is critical.....stick to your guns and don't get all quasimoto when you lay the law down. The time will come when you can backtrack on a decision but while they are young usaually from 1-5 years old they need the guidance.

    Boy or girls it don't matter, keep the rules the same for both but raise them different. Make sure both parents are on the same page.....one can not overrule the other......or it won't work. Discussions should always be kept away from the kids if there is a disagreement on what should be done.

    Have fun with them and enjoy them while they are young.......and in a few years you will understand why tigers eat their young. LOL

    I raised 2 nieces, a nephew, a son and a daughter......I was always told that I was too hard on them and maybe so but you know you did good when anyone of them can come up to you and give you a hug and still say "I love you"

    Seriously....have fun and let them play with the toys you buy.
     
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  7. BlackSeng

    BlackSeng Jr. VIP Jr. VIP

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    Last question, guys...

    Does religion, in anyway, assist in parenthood?

    I'm not trying to promote religion here. Just wondering if it helps when your child believes in something.
     
  8. MuonTrail

    MuonTrail Registered Member

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    I dunno.. does it help for them to believe in Santa and the tooth fairy? But this is a subject we probably shouldn't even skirt, let alone get into.

    But in all seriousness, being strict does not necessarily equal restricting freedom and creating a divide between you.

    When I get around to having kids (geeze that'll be weird) my entire goal will not be to protect them, to keep them from making mistakes, or sheltering them from failure, or having to learn things the hard way. It'll be to do whatever it takes to make sure they are able to function in the world and take care of themselves when I'm gone.

    To do anything else would be to do them a disservice at worst, and pandering at best.

    But before I even consider kids I've got a lot more money to make. ;)
     
  9. oxonbeef

    oxonbeef BANNED BANNED

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    Teaching a child that people are entitled to their different faiths is more important.
     
  10. tymillz

    tymillz Super Moderator Staff Member

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    I would not let you discipline my child.

    Jk.

    I have a 5yr old daughter. And I ask myself all the time, how will things be once she is a teenager.

    I feel as though, as long as I am always a major factor in her life, be honest and at the same time stern. there should not be any problems.
     
  11. mrcurious

    mrcurious Newbie

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    There is a find line between being a parent and being a friend. Strictness doesn't have to be downright degrading to the point of ruining a child but it does show them guidelines. And it can be done in a positive way without destroying a relationship. Being firm and fair is more important and can be done in such a way that it promotes a postive result for life.

    Definetly allow them to always talk to you and ask questions but there is a moment when you have to be a parent and hold the line. I always told my daughter that I don't know what the little girs are thinking but I do have a pretty good idea what the little boys have on their mind......it seems to have stuck.

    Just enjoy themmallow them to explore and always have an open door policy for them.......cause someday they might be selecting your nursing home.
     
  12. Lukedell

    Lukedell Junior Member

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    All children are born with a blank mind and only those that preach their faith to them as they grow up (i.e parents) they believe the same thing.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2009
  13. dumdum4gumgum

    dumdum4gumgum Power Member

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    I Have 2 kids myself. And like mentioned above discipline needs to be taught. I am from the south (usa) And yes sir mam, no sir mam, thank you, your welcome will be said.
    And being military i expect respect to be shown to all. Its all about being fair and showing the right values that you expect out of your kids.
     
  14. mrcurious

    mrcurious Newbie

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    Hilter once said, "Give me any child before the age of 5 and I will turn them into anything." He may have been bit sick in the mind (understatement) but was smart enough to know the basic structure of a child's brain. Lukedell you are correct, enviroment and us adults teach them from the beginning. My kids never knew racisim either from color or religion and I too was brought up Roman Catholic and in Chicago, which is a melting pot. They are who they are and I love them for it, no matter what faith.......

    And for those of you who are commenting here and are not parents... yet...I know something you don't know. LOL

    Keep it fun..........
     
  15. LHaskins

    LHaskins Regular Member

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    If you want good kids, you have to be willing to invest the time to make them good. In todays world everybody rushes around and familys are not close like in the past. Family time, like eating dinner together is now missing. Your kids get there values more by listening to the conversations that you and your spouse have together, than anything that you tell them directly. It's the example that you set and the morals that you live by that will have the most affect on your children. For example, if you are a smoker and you tell you kids not to do that when they grow up, you are sending a mixed message. They will grow up following your example, more than any single thing.

    There is nothing wrong with being a strict but fair parent, it has worked well for human beings for thousands of years. This recent pop psychology idea that you should not punish and set limits has created a generation that have very little respect for people or society and we have seen the results in increased crime and murder with young people. Look at all the high school shootings as a example.....25 years ago such things were almost non existant.

    Hopefully you will make better choices bringing up your children.
     
  16. madhornet

    madhornet Registered Member

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    Go with Mrcurious and oxonbeef's first replies. I am a father of an 8 yr old girl. I would only ad to their posts that you MUST lead by example. You can get away with not doing so for a couple of years but by the time they are 2-3yrs old it doesn't work anymore. If you want them to grow up to be loving, kind, truth telling and high quality individuals you must lead the way.

    The birth of my child forced me to change and improve many things in my life and become the man I am now. I sometimes believe she was sent to save me.

    Tell them the truth, always! Obviously, each truth is based on age appropriateness. Always keep your word to your children. If you tell them you will do something tomorrow, when tomorrow comes you better well be ready to do it. If you do this they will follow your example and do their best not to lie or go back on their word and/or agreements.

    The "do as I say, not as I do" parenting doesn't work, and is for weak minded people who don't want to be bothered with changing and improving themselves so that they can be the beacon for their children and others. This is my opinion, forgive me if this offends you but I have seen it to be true in every occasion that I have ever seen the parents who have that type of attitude.

    Anyway, I wish you good luck once you become a parent. More than likely it will be the most important thing you ever do in your life. Your existing life will be over as you know it once the child is born, but you will begin a new and even more wonderful one from that day forward.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2009
  17. DrJekyll

    DrJekyll Senior Member Premium Member

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    the wild ones have never learned that there are consequences for their actions.

    My 5 year old has tested me, but always learns in the end she has to face the consequences when she does not do what she is told.

    I am probably not strict enough, as I let her have a good bit of leaway, but she knows when I get to number 3 when I start counting it is too late.

    You have to decide what the consequences are. Mine are not harmful in any way. (basic taking away of privileges)

    I have a very good Daughter, and am very happy.

    The kids I have seen that are the worst , the parents just leave them do whatever they want. they have no concept of getting in trouble, and will probably end up in jail. (I am no expert)
     
  18. mrcurious

    mrcurious Newbie

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    Thanks Madhornet and ditto to everything you said.......I am no expert either. If it were not for my two nieces and then my kids I would not be who I am today.......a blackhatter....LOL Kidding aside they made me a better person and for that I owe them everything so I share. Having a pet first helps with the process.......
     
  19. j.rama11

    j.rama11 BANNED BANNED

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    As a father of 3 daughters... i honestly treat them as my friends and they do likewise. But when it comes to respect they have it coz i teach them how life and people lived in this existing world we had, they dont have mother but they are so sweet to me and to my grandparents. I honestly look to them everyday and write them simple thoughts "Hello baby I love you..be good as always." in a piece of paper and post it in any things that can be visibly seen like on your refrigerator or to there room... And every week ends i treat them a cup milk and well, mine is for coffee..hehehhe

    Well, i guess this could help you a lot... i am 28 years old

    PM me if you want more advice...hehhehe


    Have a great day mate
     
  20. publisher

    publisher Junior Member

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    I have 5 children. 19 (boy) going off to the Army next month, 17 (boy, 12 (boy), 8 (girl) & 4 (girl) My success is influence & persuasion in a positive way. I ask them lots of questions and they open up to me. My wife does a great job with them too. Programing their mind is the key. We all have our beliefs, getting them "into" their minds early is the key and being active in their lives is critical.

    I say I have great kids but when people I hang around tell me that they are well behaved and respectful I know they aren't just telling it to my face to butter me up.