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A review of the past 4 years - Still here and not giving up!

Discussion in 'BlackHat Lounge' started by ShadeDream, Feb 25, 2013.

  1. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    He who laughs last, laughs longest.
    A late New Year's resolution

    As a long time member I am embarrassed to admit that I've been wasting time doing nothing of value. I've been here for over 4 years now, and I have nothing to show for it. I'm almost 21 and well, I constantly think about how time is running out and the fact that I'm doing fuck all with life. Some may say, if after all this time you're still nowhere then you should probably look elsewhere. IM isn't really the problem, I'm doing fuck all in general. If I was to quit on IM now, I might as well quit on life. The reality is that I have never put any real effort into most of the things I have ever done. Over the past year, as you have probably noticed, I have been doing nothing but posting bullshit in BHW's lounge. I don't know how I got myself into this position but it happened a really long time ago.

    I think I will spare myself and you guys the main details but it begun like this. A long long long time ago I was a 13 year old kid on the Internet, playing games, browsing forums, doing all sorts of stuff. I'm not sure how it happened, but I seemed to always be in search of a way to make money online. In fact I made money offline when I was 11 doing gardening work, found my own clients through what is now referred to as door to door sales and made in a week what an adult would make on a national minimum wage at the time if not more. I wish I had this confidence now, the door to door sales. Life changes in such a funny way.

    Going back to the Internet, after browsing and searching and finding out about hosting and cPanel I started of by creating my own hosting company at the age of 14 or something like that. What's better, I had an online partner who I've found through a game called RuneScape. And so together we started this venture by investing some cash but it never really worked out due to us somewhat being scammed. Although we wanted to we never really gave it another go. Nevertheless at the age of 14 I pretty much knew how to use all sorts of hosting control panels, various forums, and I could generally learn things fast.

    I later found this Indian guy on the Internet who was about to start his very first technology blog and we kind of became online friends, he started his and we just communicated every now and then, this was when I was roughly 15. At 16 after seeing him make money through AdSense I got into blogging too, registered my second domain (first was in 2006, both with NameCheap) and started a technology website which did not look like shit compared to what some people create now. Unfortunately other than the WordPress installation and about 30 posts I didn't lift of much more. Lack of time? Lack of motivation? Who knows. Some time later I found DP, I also found some UK wholesale forums and wanted to get into the selling of branded T-Shirts for which I put money with an actual friend I knew in person but in the end we got a refund as the guy never got the package. I did my due diligence to make sure we wouldn't get scammed.

    I then found BHW, 2008.

    [​IMG]

    I've created this thread to potentially motivate others, that at this point are still nowhere near success, and for myself as a stepping stone into success. By "nowhere near success" I mean you've been on BHW for a while but not really making any money. To be honest, I don't know what my problem really is. Motivation? Depression? I really don't know, I don't really feel depressed. Some things don't work out in life but you just have to move on. Maybe it's life? I never really knew who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do. I still don't. I don't know if this makes sense but now that I've posted all of this and thought about the past, I think a past event in my early teens may have contributed towards my lack of effort to do anything. Or maybe I'm just being silly, maybe it's just me looking for excuses but who knows.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not a complete loser, I've made money with CPA, YT, and with ClickBank, it wasn't much, it wasn't little, but it was something I would consider pocket/petrol money. Though it didn't seem to give me the motivation to work harder and for more. I worked offline with computers too, that's where I made some more cash. I think one of my problems was that I wanted to make money instantly, hence kept looking for such a way.

    Throughout my time on BHW if I wasn't a retard I could have networked with many people, I've had people message me, chat with me, I didn't ignore them, it's just that I didn't really reply or start anything with anyone. Not because I don't like working with people but because I generally prefer to work by myself, I'm more of a closed person.

    I've been waiting ages to post this thread, and I'm finally doing it. I've looked over some of my older posts and you just don't know how shit I feel. All this time wasted, all this time for nothing. I can only imagine what I could have achieved over those last 4 years. I remember posting a thread about needing money back in 2008, but did I really need it? Don't think so. Otherwise I would have not been in the situation I am in now.

    I had some other good posts, with replies from cool people, one of these was this one:

    My current feeling is the one of time running out. If you've not been in such a situation you probably don't know what it feels like to realize the amount of time wasted. I kind of feel like I've been stuck at a younger age of doing nothing. But as time ticks and the years go by, you can't help but think, what have I been doing? I seem to always be doing something, but what is it?

    Over the years, I have learned that only you can truly motivate yourself, or maybe the realization of time running out? It's a short life and I want to make it a worthwhile experience. I'm currently failing at Uni, if I could go back in time, I probably would have chosen a different course or maybe finished education after college. I feel as though Uni is pulling me back from my true abilities. This might sound stupid but although I don't really know where I'm going and what I will be doing, I feel like I know what I need to do, and it feels like at the moment IM is the way forward. I never really liked being told what to do. I kind of think Uni is bullshit for various reasons, not every course, but at least my one, you have to learn what they tell you to learn and the way you get taught, I just don't think it works, I'm better of studying alone with the use of the Internet. Nevertheless I want to complete my Uni degree, don't really care as much as I used to about the final degree, it's more of a I don't give up easily thing. I've still got that domain registered, the one I was going to start my first blog with.

    It will all be hard work, especially because I need to work towards my Uni degree, but this is a step forward, I've been waiting long enough to take action, I've wasted enough time.

    This is just the very beginning of a successful journey. I will be planning things out a little, setting short and long term goals, and I will be creating a journal in the journal section to keep in touch and maybe network a little.

    My advice to you is, to never be scared to ask a question, always ask questions, no question is stupid. Don't give up and follow what you feel is the right path at the current time.
     
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  2. WorkHardL0veLife

    WorkHardL0veLife Regular Member

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  3. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    He who laughs last, laughs longest.
    Joe Rogan is a great guy. I've listened to quite a few of his speeches, haven't heard this one until today.

    I've pretty much realized what he's summed up in that speech. Hence the thread.

    Writing things down just helps so much more.

    Right now I'm taking steps to organize myself, most importantly my sleeping pattern.

    I've not slept since last evening. Will stay up till about 23:30 and hopefully fix my bad sleeping habits once and for all.
     
  4. chris1025

    chris1025 Regular Member

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    I feel like thhis, almost a year now, all i do is play eat facebook, little work,
     
  5. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    I guess this should be the time you re-asses your life. Don't me like me, don't say tomorrow. I've been saying tomorrow about this post since the beginning of this year.

    I've written this thread during the time I was meant to go to sleep. Get up and move yourself step by step, otherwise you'll keep sinking.

    I've just watched another speech from Joe Rogan, and I feel what he's talking about. The last bit most importantly. To follow the path you feel pulled to.



    I'm not just watching videos, I'm preparing myself to go to Uni. It's 8AM here.
     
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  6. welie

    welie Junior Member

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    I've finally found someone I can relate to.
    Seriously, I've wasted loads of time. I'm making only $10 a day, but I'm sure I can scale upto $100. It is just that, I don't know, I don't want to.

    I guess I don't want IM to interfere with what a normal college student does. But I don't think much about it. Time will sort things out :p

    All the best for your journey mate!
     
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  7. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    If your making that $10 a day, try and scale it up if you can. Dedicate some time towards it, but that's only if you feel pulled towards it.

    Otherwise do what you feel is right for you.
     
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  8. redfishyellowfish

    redfishyellowfish Junior Member

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    Wait how are you giving advice in thread where you basically said you were doing fuck all?
    So now you're an IM master?
    I'm sorry I'm just trying to figure this out.
     
  9. bertbaby

    bertbaby Elite Member

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    I think the mistake a lot of BHW members make is thinking that of IM as a goal rather than as a tool. Have a goal and then use your IM skills to make it happen.
     
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  10. MafiaBoss

    MafiaBoss Elite Member

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    Forget the Past Bro, Look at the future, as soon as person realized his mistakes and share it with someone ( like you did on BHW ) that means he is willing to take next step in life. i am sure after one or two years you will realize that the best thing you ever did is admitting your mistake and moving on.

    I myself wasted much time on internet playing games and just browsing not taking action but one day you sit down think about what da hell i am doing and thats when you start doing right things in life.
     
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  11. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    Telling someone to do what they feel pulled towards doing, has nothing to do with IM.

    That's true, though I have mentioned it's not only IM that I've been doing fuck all with. I never really treated it as a goal, definitely thought of it as a tool though.
     
  12. krzysiekz

    krzysiekz Senior Member

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    I'm a little like you. I did some offline marketing, got some clients renting out lead generation sites from me, I've recently bought stock and opened up an online ecommerce store in Australia, and a few other things.

    But even still, it's not much for the time I've been on the forum - and moreso, I seem to lose motivation too quickly. I am, at times, too pessimistic about ideas. I've got big, big ideas - but I don't action them, because I feel it's not good enough, or it will fail.

    Like with my offline business that I had going, I had several clients paying me every month and was up to around $1.5-2K/m in recurring income, from simple local lead generating sites. But I didn't take it seriously, I did poor quality SEO and then my sites got knocked down in the SERP's.

    What did I do? I called my clients and told them what happened & I quit. What an idiot, I think to myself. I could have just knuckled down and worked some good, quality SEO and got the sites back up and retained my clients. I've had many referrals, I even got partnered with a huge national dental association here in AU who is still to this day recommending me to their clients for marketing. By now, I could have easily had $10K/m+ in recurring income, had I not given up a year or so ago.

    The lesson here is, if you're going to do something, do it right.

    And if it messes up, don't quit: assess and try again.

    I managed to mess both of those up. I did it wrong, & I gave up.

    Don't get me wrong, I still do well now with eBay and I have high hopes for the future - but I've learnt an unfortunate lesson. The important thing here is recognition. Recognition that I messed up, realisation of how I could have done better to avoid the things that happened.

    And the same goes for you. Many people our age are wasting their time. Do you think they actually come to this realisation though? No, they're perfectly fine wasting their life away - they probably consider it normal to procrastinate on Facebook all day - but you consider it a waste of time and you've recognised you're throwing your life away. That's the first step. Without that, you can't improve and get to a better place. So, despite what you've said, you've turned to face a better road.

    I can't give you suggestions on what to do, or not to do, everyone is different. For me, it's to make sure if I do something, I do it right. If I mess up, fix it but don' give up. And importantly, try to focus on one idea and not 10 simultaneously.

    Goodluck
     
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  13. Mrnewbie

    Mrnewbie Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    I don't know you very well but I do see you posting in the lounge etc. I think by your responses and how you conduct yourself you have established you are intelligent I just think you get distracted easily and your not sticking to one thing/method. My honest suggestion would be for you to take time away from the computer and think about what you want to do with your life. I do wish you the best as I think you have a good head on your shoulders so writing all of this out was very helpful in the sense of giving you a perspective you might not have seen before.
     
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  14. edgematch

    edgematch Elite Member

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    +repped
     
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  15. MadMaddy

    MadMaddy Junior Member

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    I think you all should start a group and start inspiring and motivating each other every day

    Share your success for that day, plans for the future and the steps you will take to reach there

    Will help y'all for sure
     
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  16. psytrance

    psytrance Power Member

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    I will tell you this. You are on the right path already.

    First, you are not depressed period. Depression is an illness not a state of mind. If you think you are not doing much for your life then your state of mind sucks thats it. Read some personal dev. books that will help you I guess.

    This is what helped me to improve my life, not sure if it will help or not but doesnt hurt to try right?:)

    1) Exercise your body daily. 2) Eat clean/healthy food, mainly fruits and vegs. 3) Daily meditation, at least one hour. It's hard to learn but its worth. 4) Don't sleep too much, 5-6H is enough. 5) Quit cigs and alcohol. 6) TO-DO lists. We all wish we could have like 10 arms right:p Our brains constantly have so many ideas poping up but unfortunately we do not have time to do them all so we end up forgeting about them. Write them in different mini-papers and put them in a big box. When you get some time just pick a random paper :) This is NOT only good for money ideas by the way.

    Regarding your problem to not working I would say it is because you do not NEED or/and WANT money. So my honest advice for you is to try to find something you are passionate. And the only way to find these type of things which you love to do is to actualy TRY something new everyday.

    Starting this thread proves you want to change something, so you are on the right path mate. The next thing to do is to actualy change it :p I will PM you a website.
     
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  17. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    That's true. I sometimes come up with all sorts of ideas that I procrastinate about because I worry what if I spend all this time working towards the idea and it doesn't work? You know? It takes a lot of effort to get something up and running to then see it fail. But as you can see, it's better to put in effort and fail then to do nothing, and still procrastinate.

    When it comes to me, I see the big picture but I'm not really sure how to get there. I feel I know what to do, not fully but step by step I'll get there. I feel like doing what feels right to me. That's what I want to start doing. Listening properly to my inner voice.

    I do get distracted easily, that's mainly because there's so much to comprehend, so much you can find out about. I'm the sort of person that likes to know everything about everything.

    I don't really know what I want to do, and I thought about it a lot. I know I don't want to be employed. I've got some kind of an idea of what I would like to do in life, but it's more of a dream then it is reality. It's something that I think I will just work towards by doing what feels right. I don't know if other people feel this, but I feel like I know which path to follow.

    3) I've been quite keen when it comes to mediation, though I'm not sure how that will go as 1 hour is a lot of time when you need it.

    4) I'm planning to start the gym and apparently the recommended amount is 8 hours to let muscles recover.

    5) Luckily I don't like either one.

    6) Been trying to start one for ages, now is the time.


    I guess you're right when it comes to money. The problem is I don't really have anything that I'm passionate about, I like a multitude of things.
     
  18. psytrance

    psytrance Power Member

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    -The day has 24 hours. Do you realy think 1 hour is a lot? If you already meditate then I suggest you to read more about different types of meditation. Meditation is such a powerful thing to do... I don't like routines tho, but setting up a daily "appointment" with our own mind is something I recommend to everyone.

    -Yeah, seems everybody say that :p Before you read what I have to say about that keep in mind I am not a doctor and this is only my honest opinion...

    Everybody tells you need to sleep at least 8 hours because 1- people are lazy and 2- people LOVE to sleep (me too obviously)... And thats it, IMO people (even doctors) say that because of those 2 points^^^^

    I am not realy sure about that "muscle recovering" thing but at least for us..we do work in front of our computers so we spent all day sit down and only using our fingers muscles LOL! I don't realy believe I need to lay down and sleep in order for muscles to properly recover, and I am prove of that btw. More important than resting and even training...nutrition is the key for shaped body and that I can tell you for sure.

    But again, I am not a doctor...go talk to one.....just hope he is not a lazy azz^^^^ :p
     
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  19. ok888

    ok888 Jr. VIP Jr. VIP Premium Member

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    If u ever been alone n supporting urself

    u will know

    u have a option to choose to work or not but with someone by themselve they NEED to work or else thers no food on the table
     
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  20. ShadeDream

    ShadeDream Elite Member

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    I know, but when you've got Uni, when you live without parents and you need to pretty much do everything by yourself, the cooking, the cleaning, the washing up, and so on, every little thing piles up and the 24 hours you think you have, are not really there anymore.

    I truly understand that, and I can feel what it would be like if I wasn't in the situation I'm in.

    I feel a bit like baggage to those that support me, which isn't a great feeling.

    This is another reason why I need to start doing something.