$10 For The Person Who Posts The Best Joke.

The biggest joke is that you are asking for Thanks and nobody gave you Thanks...

Hahahahahaha

BTW, not for competition (but you can pay me lol) but also I would like to share one related to George W. bush

(Music. Beep.)

Secretary: - Mr. President, Condoleeza Rice is here to see you.
George B. : - Good, send her in.
Secretary: - Yessir.

(Hangs up. Condi enters.)

Condoleeza: - Good morning, Mr. President.
George B. : - Oh Condoleeza, nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza : - Well, Mr. President, I have the report here about the new leader in China.
George B. : - Great, Condi. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza : - Mr. President, Hu is the new leader of China.
George B. : - Well, that's what I want to know.
Condoleeza : - But that's what I'm telling you, Mr. President.
George B. : - Well, that's what I'm asking you, Condie. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes.
George B. : - I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The guy in China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The new leader of China.
Condoleeza : - Hu.
George B. : - The Chinaman!
Condoleeza : - Hu is leading China, Mr. President.
George B. : - Whaddya' asking me for?
Condoleeza : - I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B. : - Well, I'm asking you, Condie. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza : - That's the man's name.
George B. : - That's who's name?
Condoleeza : - Yes.

(Pause.)

George B. : - Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza : - That's correct.
George B. : - Then who is in China?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.
George B. : - Then who is?
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Yassir?
Condoleeza : - No, sir.

(Pause. Crumples paper)

George B. : - Condi, you're starting to piss me off now, and it's not 'cause you're black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don't you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone.
Condoleeza : - Kofi Annan?
George B. : - No, thanks. And Condi, call me George. Stop with that ebonics crap.
Condoleeza : - You want Kofi?
George B. : - No.
Condoleeza : - You don't want Kofi.
George B. : - No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - Not Yassir! The guy at the United Nations.
Condoleeza : - Kofi?
George B. : - Milk! Will you please make that call?
Condoleeza : - And call who?
George B. : - Well, who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza : - No, Hu is the guy in China.
George B. : - Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza : - Yes, sir.
George B. : - And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza : - Kofi.
George B. : - All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condoleeza : - Hello. Rice, here.
George B. : - Rice? Good idea. And get a couple of egg rolls, too, Condi. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get chinese food in the Middle East? I don't know.

(Door slam. Music.)

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Gah people are too sensitive.

Ughh..I don't know if racist jokes are a good idea

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."

@Drey2k:

Edit: Thanks for changing into something nice!

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: ?Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!??

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: ?Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....?

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.


He reached a cloud, upon which sat a rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she said.


No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud.



On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or climb the ladder to success," she said.
"Well," thought the man, "might as well carry on."


On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive. "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success," she uttered.


As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went.


On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Screw me here and now or climb the ladder to success," she flirted.
Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to climb again.


When he reached the next cloud, there was an ugly 400 pound man, arm pit hair showing, flies buzzing around his head.


"Who are you?" the man asked.


"Hello" said the ugly fat man, "I'm Cess!"

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"

"Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

Man goes to his Doctor and says "Everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection.


The Doctor looks him slowly up and down and says


"That's because you look like a C**T !! "

so my Tarzan Wins right ???

read my post above

This is best sent to your male friends in a text


"Just saw on the news that female aliens have invaded the earth and are kidnapping all the men with big dicks. Dont worry, you're not in danger......I'm just texting to say goodbye! "

***Flash*** Breaking News

It is reported just now that hom*se*uals looking like females from another planet are kidnapping big-dick men from this planet.... .... ... ..... ....... the biggest loss is to a great site called BH*w which just lost one of its member to them... ... ....

This just in : NEW VIRUS WARNING

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous Email virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles . It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over.

It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic.

Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened pedophile. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear.

Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs.

Be very, very afraid.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!

VirusCentral

a guy is walking past a mental hospital when he hears 13, 13, 13, 13 being chanted behind a wall, being a curious bloke he wondered what the hell was going on, he saw a hole in the wall and couldn`t resist to have a look through. As soon as he placed hes eye to the hole he was poked in the eye and heard the chating 14, 14, 14, 14

Two cows in a field, one turns to the other and says "What do you think about mad cow disease?" the other replies "Doesn't bother me, I'm a fish"

A Lady is having stomach pains while pregnant and insists her husband rushes her to hospital, because something is wrong.

After she has seen the doctor he approaches the lady.

"OK, we have some good news and bad news i'm afraid," says the doctor.

"The bad news is we've done some tests and it appears your baby is Ginger."

"Oh my god," says the shocked lady, "what's the good news?"

"It's dead," replies the doctor.

It was rush hour and the bus was packed. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!'

'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket.'

'Oh really,' she spat. 'Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!'

Harry is sitting on a rather empty train across from a good looking girl wearing a tight mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The girl realises he is staring and asks, 'Are you looking at my pussy?'

'Yes, I'm sorry,' says Harry and promises to avert his eyes.

'It's quite alright,' replies the woman, 'It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you.'

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Harry, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

'I can also make it wink,' says the woman. Harry stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

'Come and sit next to me,' suggests the woman, patting the seat. Harry moves over.

The woman is now visibly horny and asks Harry, 'Would you like to push a couple of your fingers in?'

Stunned, Harry replies, 'What! Can it whistle, too?'

Two blondes walk into a building.........you'd think one of them would have seen it!