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Don't use graphic, too commercial. Buy a .info domain to hide you link while keeping costs down to $2 for the domain name. Then split test 1000 emails from the list at a time until you have tested at least different 6 emails.

There are several bad grammer sentences that will also hurt you in this copy. Like using the word "were" instead of "was" and missing a word after "hard". it should be "hard work". And I agree, with the other post that says "you need a video". For sure don't put this on clickbank but use...